Monday, April 05, 2010



so many things on my mind, I'm not even sure where to start. so let's take it slow, let's start from go.

well, i got back Maths MBTs today. Here's the good and the bad.
Good: I topped the class (SHOCK!)
Bad: I got 22%.

Needless to say, there's a real 啼笑皆非 situation here. Of course, the tutors/lecturers are all preaching that laughing at such a situation indicates that you're not taking it seriously. in all honesty, i am morbidly and painfully aware of just how terrible 22% is, in absolute terms though. But it's this whole serious seriousness that tickles me.

okay, not that you'd know, but i just endured a half-an-hour talk with my mum. and yet another unreasonable demand from my dad. no surprise for that one; it's not like i was expecting my dad to reason with me. because he has a maths degree, and that means that I must be able to do maths. even if I am obviously arts-inclined; even if I am juggling 3 times the subjects that my dad had to handle, one subject of which is Maths which I have already proven over the past 17 years that I hate and am absolutely incompetent in. because he has a maths degree.

by that logic, my kids better be able to analyze poems, love lit, be able to sing and play the piano by the time they're 17. they should also join council, have a love for fun things in life with a oft-abandoned sense of caution and be carefree.

i hate it when my dad looks at my results in the most |Absolute| of terms. because given the (not-so-) hypothetical situation where I get 50% but am still first in the class, i still get scolded. Because 50% is 'crap'. I could do a Master's paper on Literature, get 25% and still be reprimanded. Because that stupid number is all that matters. Because it doesn't matter if half the cohort has got a U, most of them WORSE Us than mine. Because somehow or another, I need to top Lit. And Maths. And Econs. And KI. And probably PW and Chinese too.

Why?
"Because other people can".
Again, by that logic, everyone should be identical. Because everyone should be able to sing since someone can; everyone should be able to produce Mozart's works or Van Gogh's masterpieces. Because they are that magical someone who can. And since they can, other people can.

i hate it when my dad uses such utterly-fallacious logic. it offends me, not just because I take KI and can rip that argument to shreds in about a second, but because it does not even present itself as a coherent argument in the first place. because other people are able to score well in Maths (And this is assuming that they're not just good in only maths and failing the hell out of other subjects) i should thus be able to do so. I have to be just as good as the BEST person around in any given area.

in that case, why don't my parents earn enough money so that i live in a mansion with 7 floors, with 10 butlers, three swimming pools, a collection of 17 of the world's rarest and limited edition cars. and while i'm at it, i could use a unicorn, a dragon and the ability to transmute metals into gold. because, barring the last three, the other things are possible. Someone else can. Why can't he?

of course that "logic" (Note the inverted commas people) isn't going to stand well with him. Thus:
1) I'm back-sassing (Illogical; I am merely using his own line of logic to ask him a question that is based completely upon the pseudo-empirical/pseudo-rational foundations that he lay)
2) He's working the best he can (Not true, I don't think he works 24 hours a day; thus not the best he can. humane conditions don't count in the definition of 'best' that we live by so we don't have to worry about such trifles).

yes, i am aware that there is a false dichotomy present in the above paragraph. there are multitudes of equally-or-more illogical options that he could choose. for those who can produce a decently well-reasoned (ethically please) option that he can take, feel free to tell me. because otherwise, as far as results are concerned, i'm going to just accept that my dear father is an incredibly unreasonable man who is far too swept up in my flaws to understand that I am not planning a career in Maths, the Uni Course I'm aiming for does not even list Maths as a requirement, and I absolutely hate Maths. By far, the last reason is the strongest.

i've no longer the mood to blog at length about my other thoughts; sorry people, you'll have to make do with a summarized version. I'm tired, pissy and overall frustrated with how the lovely day has been ruined by a crappy night.

• I still love Council with all my heart. and if anyone, ANYONE ever dares to seriously say I would have been better off without Council... That person is just not worth talking to anymore.
  
• I love KHO dance and every time I perform it, it fills my heart with overwhelming emotions.
  
• Like many others, I think the education system in Singapore is incredibly unfair. However, I'm unable to propose any better system and shall thus settle for grumbling.
• I love Hannah, Wet and Hadi.
  
• The three above - I initially wanted to acronym'ize to HWH before realizing that it seemed rather demeaning that I was completely willing to type out their names in full (except for Wet) but didn't want to just for convenience's sake.
• Because it's the big things we do that build the friendship
• But it's the small things we do that keep our love for each other strong.

...
and yes, I can't wait to move out of my house.