Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Wow

-MSN Conversation-
Danial: What's pink, purple, blue and likes to eat chocolates?
Edna: Minnie!
Edna: Jovina!
Me : WRONG! Purple pink and blue, likes to eat chocolate...So obvious!
Edna : I DUNNO!
Me : Should I tell?
Danial: Tell lar, I doubt you know the answer
Me : IT'S MARIA SHARAPOVA!
-5 seconds silence-
Edna : WTH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Jovina : .........................
Danial : -______________________-""""
Edna: WTF LOL! I DON'T GET IT!
Me : God...I think my other spleen exploded from your reactions
Edna : How many spleens do you have anyway?

Wow wee, missed the Singapore Idol today. Pity, I wanted to see Terence Tay sing. Currently my fav male Singapore Idol. Rich voice, damn good looks PLUS he acted in Living In Lydia. How cool is that! I really enjoyed that show. Unfortunately, he sang Life is a RollerCoaster by Ronan Keating. No offense, but that song sucks and is NOT going to garner much votes. It's so boring and...ewww. He could have done so much better.

Ok, just watched a short clip of his singing and the judges comment. Judging by that short clip ( the chorus ), I agree with Ken. It was definitely mostly ( or all ) on-key, but my god. WHERE'S THE PASSION AND DRIVE AND EMOTION! You've got to infuse emotion into the song, I don't want to hear a ZOMBIE! But really, he deserves another chance. Of course, I am seriously biased. But whatever, look at the other contestants.

Oh my god, yesterday night was retarded. Planned to sleep at about 11. Instead, had a conversation with Jovina, EdnaBanana and Danial from 12-ish until 2.30 when Danial left, then the 2 girls and I talked till 3. The convo is seriously retarded. Unfortunately, none of us has the FULL log of that convo. Pity, because it was so seriously fricking spastic! Laughed until all my 5 spleens exploded. I LOVE THEM! Went totally psycho in that convo. Hawtt pink angel-print underwear with baby-pink tubetops all the way man!

Spent about 3 hours drawing a single picture today. 1/2 hour to get the damn anatomy right, 1 1/2 hours to draw it, then another 1 hour to clean it up. God, cleaning up the drawing was a bitch man. And after all that, it's uncoloured because my colouring skills are teh SuX_XoRZ and it still looks like crap. Oh well, pretty decent at least. The anatomy is slightly weird ( her chest is slightly crooked) and her body is bent at a slight angle. As usual, the face and hair looked like they were blown to smithereens then hastily reassembled. In short, it looks like crap.

Gosh, just took a 2nd look at it and noticed quite a number of flaws. Too lazy to fix them though.

Hmmm, I'll just let you guys/girls see it for yourself bah.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v626/Swiftstar/NightElf.jpg

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

TralalaBOOM

Me - [Stretches out on bed]
[Falls off bed]
"Well, that was stupid."

Woo, just got off an hour long...debate ( as a euphenism ) about a build for Silencer. His build does seem viable, but yet, when I compare it to my build, it still seems inferior. While our builds do share similar items like Necronomicons and Boots of Travel, mine contains Guinsoo and Mekansm while his contains Dagon, Linken and Manta. Now, with my build, it is perfectly possible and I do go for Linken after Guinsoo so we'll eliminate Linken. Leaving us with Guinsoo and Mekansm Versus Dagon and Manta. Now, Guinsoo gives a higher base damage than Dagon, but Dagon gives us a spike 800 damage boost ( at max ). However, Guinsoo also allows us to reduce the enemy to a pitiful sheep for 3 seconds which is quite enough for a beatdown. For me, I'd rather take that 3 seconds of safety to continue whacking or run. With Dagon, your only choice is really Blast and hope to God/Allah/Buddha/Whatever that you kill him. Because if you don't, you're gonna get nuked to Hell.

Manta provides mana burn and of course, the nifty images. Images can potentially deliver a lot of damage, but die like grass under a high-powered flamethrower. Mana Burn is useful no doubt but really, look at the cost of the builds.

There was several times where he mentioned " Money is not an issue ". If that really is the case and I'm being realistic here, my build will allow for faster, easier farming and thus, you can build up to more Tier 4/3 items.

Also, with his build, from my point of view, it really only allows for 1 kill. Because after your Linken is gone, the Dagon's Energy Burst has been used, Global Silence is used and Images/Summons have been killed ( quite fast btw), you're basically relegated to shooting Glaives. Now, with my build, you can at least assist your teammates by providing them with the small ( but at least it's there ) boost from Mekansm. Not to mention, Guinsoo cools down fast and BAM! Another hexed opponent. On top of that, the overall raw damage ( that is, damage by the character's attacks and not skills ) of my build is probably, nah, definitely higher. So, isn't my build better?

Ah wells, maybe some pros can comment on this. Theorycrafting isn't everything. But then again, both of us have used our builds.

Me - "Mmm, I wonder if my braces will let me eat that siew mai now." [Takes a big bite] "OH SWEET SONOFABITCH!"

Just to kill time:

[x] At school, I run into desks,walls, waterfountains, or fire extinguishers in the hallway.
[x] I have/had spaghetti for breakfast.
[x] I can put my feet behind my head.
[ ] My parents have asked if I need help getting outof the car.
[xxxxxxxxxxxxx] At LEAST once a day I'm called a retard.
[ ] I volunteer my time to help people for over 10hours.
[ ] Used to do my homework in the bathroombefore class.
[x] I danced to commercials.
[ ] I am obsessed with safety.
[x] I laugh for no particular reason.
[ ] I've tucked my pants in my socks.
[ ] I enjoy tucking my shirt in my pants.
[ ] I am a TEXT ADDICT TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL
[ ] Have no buddies
[ ] One of my pets is named after me.
[x] I used to be MEAN in high school
[ ] I hate chocolates
[ ] I enjoy rap music.
[x] I talk to myself.
[x] I tend to stare at things without even noticing.
[x] You can talk in different voices.
[x] You scream at random.

Woo only 55% retarded

On to the next one~!

---

[ ] i think im gonna have a high score on this
[ ] i hate/dont talk to my parents
[ ] people tell me all the time that they hate me
[x] i have cursed/said horrible things to someone
[x] i give people disgusted looks a lot

2

[ ] i took heads off dolls when i was little
[x] i have destroyed something valuable on purpose
[x] i love to insult people
[ ] most people suck
[ ] i have thrown total tantrums

2

[x ] im known to have an attitude
[ ] i get mad easily...sort of..
[x] i order people around
[ ] im known around my neighborhood as the kideveryone else doesnt want their kids hanging outwith
[x]i've argued with a teacher

total: 3

[x] i can care less about school
[ ] i love messing with other people's stuff
[x] people tell me im conceited/stuck-up/self-centered
[ ] i lie constantly
[x] i yell daily...

total: 3

[ ] i seem to always be in a fight with my friends
[ ] i would never risk my life for anyone
[ ] i dont like smiling
[xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] i know at least 3 people i would like to/havebeaten up..
[ ] i love pranking people and nothing lame only hard core evil stuff...

total: 1

11 X 4 = 44. Wow, I"m so not evil whatever.

This is BS man. Because of the bloody tuition at 2 fricking pm, I can't fricking go out to watch XM:TLS with Mervin and the rest, and I also can't go out blading/bowling/pooling with Nicholas.

I'm so fricking pissed right now. Not to mention I'm still miffed about not getting into VIP.

Monday, May 29, 2006

D

Me - 'Wow...Amazing. I can play songs like Chun Jie and Rhythm Of The Rain, but I can screw up Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."
Amos - "Wow."

I'm not getting into VIP. And I'm really crushed emotionally now. When I told my mum, she said "See, I told you to work harder for your SA last year." Right there and then, I wanted to either scold her, or just walk off. I did neither.

Gosh, I'm really disappointed in myself now. I know at some point during this week, I'm going to breakdown and cry, it's just a matter of time.

But hey, life goes on. I shouldn't just sit here and mope about this. No...I need to move on. Not getting into VIP may be a major setback, but it shouldn't stop me completely. I'll bounce back from this...So please don't be surprised if you see me rather depressed this entire week people.

Oh yes another thing. And this is seriously, really, completely, totally FREAKY. The result was really scary for me and I closed it down almost immediately. You've been warned.

Open Microsoft Word and do thefollowing:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is theflightnumberof the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight the Q33 NY.

3. Change the font size to 48.

4. Change the actual font to theWINGDINGS

Seriously. Try it.

---

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Drawing

Me - "Mmm, has anyone ever tried opening up 'Run" and trying to execute /selfdestruct ?"


Gosh, I've stopped drawing for so long that now when I try, I can't draw any more! ARGH!
Drawing Hiatus(es) are very very bad.

Went out to buy Heroes 5 of Might and Magic and KOF 2003. KOF rocks because Malin and Athena are sexy. Heroes 5 won't work properly on my comp so screw it.

Malin and Athena are the uber-secksy. Remember that.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

d

Hansen - [Taking the role of Benjamin in PDPC] "You just want us to get good grades so that you can boast about your friends to us. I mean, boast about your- I mean... Wow, this IS tough."

So fricking bored now. Suppose to be DotA'ing with Nigel and Randall but...they're busy or something something.

Once again, major thanks to Vincent for helping me fix up my blogskin codes.

Chinese Orchestra prac today was...bleh. Half the sec 3s didn't turn up ( I think some camp or something something) so the sec 2s made up the majority. Practiced for the concert on Speech Day, although I don't think I'll be playing because since I'll be in Melbourne from the 2nd~13th, I'll miss about 3~5 practices. Also, I'd prefer to take up the Emcee position anyway.

Practiced First Love, Rhythm of the Rain, Song Wo Yi Duo Mei Gui Hua (Send me a Rose), and my favourite : Yue Qu. I think Yue Qu is a medley ( god knows how you spell that ) of nice old chinese songs such as The Moon Represents My Heart. Very nice song, although quite boring at first. By the time we got to that song, my fingers were already screaming in pain from plucking the strings for Rhythm of the Rain. Hell, all 4 of those songs were mainly Pizzicato ( Plucking ). Such pain!

Listening to Shakira's Don't Bother now. Funky song yeah. Oh well, nothing to blog about now. Good night people!

Mega-huge survey ma-bob

Woo hoo! Combined the surveys from Danial's blog into 1 huge giant big fat gianormous survey!

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
-No. Oh wait, yes.

2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?
-Er...Me ? If not, Clement Ba-Kua?

3. Have you ever thrown something atanyone?
-Yes.

4. Does your face turn red when you'reangry?
- How would I know?

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream?
-Glare, twitch my right eye several times then answer.

ORANGE: MISC

1. Has anyone ever thrown you a supriseparty?
-No, those fags!

2. Are you easily excited?
-YESYESYESYESYES! DOING THIS SURVEY MAKES ME EXCITED!

3. What event is coming up that you'remost excited about?
-Er...Whether I'll get into VIP?

4. Which of your friends is most excitable?
-Nicholas, Mervin, Jovina, Sophie.

5. If you won a million dollars whatwould be your first thought?
- Yay!

6. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?
-MONEY I NEED MORE MONEY!

YELLOW: ?Personal? Questions

1. Name
-Linus

2. Do you like your name?
-Yeah, but it's easy to twist my name into something sick.

3. Whats your main goal in life?
- Be successful.

4. Do you want to have children?
- Yeah

5. How do you want to die?
-Peacefully. Hopefully in some beautiful place

GREEN: Opinions

1. Sex before marriage?
-Mmmm, anything.

2. Gay Marriage?
-Nothing wrong.

3. Lowering the drinking age?
-Don't care, I don't drink much anyway

4. Abortion?
-Shouldn't be done, but if you need to, then whatever.

5. Recycling?
- Ok

BLUE: dreams

1. What was your latest dream?
- Primary school playing catching. Then someone tripped, fell and started bleeding like hell.

2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most?
-Errr...Danial, Nicholas, Jovina.

3. Have any of your (sleeping) dreamscome true?
- A few.

4. Do you usually remember yourdreams?
-Yep..

5. What was the weirdest dream you'veever had?
-That I had failed all my exams. I woke up and was really really freaked out because that's the day I was receiving my results

---

How old do you wish you were?
-20-ish

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
- Home.

What would you do when vending machines stealyour money?
- Be slightly pissed

Do you consider yourself kind?
-Normally, but I don't show it..

If you would get a tattoo, what part of yourbody would you get it on?
-Right shoulder

If you could be fluent in any other language,what would it be?
-Too many

Do you know your neighbors?
-No

What do you consider a vacation?
-Relaxing, enjoying the sights and sounds of the place, having some quiet time. Of course, partying with friends is fun too

Do you follow your horoscope?
-Not actively.

Would you move for the person you loved?
-Yeah

Do you believe that opposites attract?
-Yep

Dream job?
-Actor.

Real job?
-Student. Bleh.

Favorite channel?
- Star World

Have you ever attempted suicide?
- No

Favorite place to go on weekends?
- Dunno.

Showers or Baths?
-Showers.

Do you paint your nails
- No

Do you trust people easily?
-Yeah, quite easily.

Do you keep a handwritten journal?
-No. Used to...

Where would you rather be right now?
-Having some wild fun involving screaming and releasing all my pent-up energy.

Who makes you feel guilty?
-Some people. Not revealing who. You guys/girls know who you are.

Heavy or light sleep?
-Light.

Are you paranoid?
- I think I am...Or am I? AM I?????

Are you impatient?
-Trying not to be

Whats your life motto?
-Have fun

WHATS YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOURPHONE?
-Some gay Do-Re-Mi crap. My USB cable is screwed up

WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHTLAST NIGHT?
- Planning the destruction of the world. No wait, sleeping.

WHAT DID THE THIRD TEXT MESSAGE ONYOURCELL PHONE SAY AND WHO SENT IT?- - "How long before you reach?" from Nick-er

WHOS BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LASTNIGHT?
-Mine.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
-Black

MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOUWATCHED?
-Mission Impossible 3.

NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOUAT ALLTIMES
-Wallet
-Handphone
-Used to be MP3. Sent it for repairs.

COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS
-Blue/Green/Yellow. It changes.

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOURIGHTNOW?
-$50+

What is your favorite part of the chicken?
-Drumsticks. Mmm Danial wrote "things" Naughty naughty.

What's your favorite town/city?
-Perth/ New Zealand

When was the last time you saw your mom?
- 5 minutes ago

When was the last time you saw your dad?
-6 minutes ago.

When was the last time u talked to them?
-Mom: 5 minutes
-Dad: 5 minutes

What did you eat for dinner last night?
- Emperor's Chicken.

---

Alright. Last one. I'm tired and I have to bathe and eat.

A - AVAILABLE?
-Yep.

B - BEST FRIENDS?
-Danial, Nick-Er, Jovina, Adeeb, Bob, Gajendran, Eugene, Mervin, Kwan Ming

C - CELEBRITY CRUSH?
-None.

D - DOGS NAME?
-Don't have a dog =(

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO?
-Mmm, Danial? Unless he's PMSING ( half the time)

F - FAVORITE SINGER(S)?
-Kelly Clarkson.

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMYWORMS?
-BEARS! CHEW OFF THY HEAD!

H - HOMETOWN?
-Singapore

I - INSTRUMENT?
-Double-Bass / Piano

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE?
-Forgot, but it was to somewhere. I know, descriptive ain't I?

M - MILK FLAVOR?
-COFFEE/CAPPUCINO.

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS?
-1 fat, retarded ( literally) brother

O- ONE WISH?
-Happier life

P - PERSON WHO LAST CALLED YOU?
- Vincent. He rocks.

Q - FAVOURITE QUOTE?
- 'Oh...Bitch!"

R- REASON TO SMILE?
-Having fun. Living life.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD
-8th World Wonder - Kimberly Locke. Still listening to it

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP?
-7.

U - UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT ME?
- Not telling.

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE?
-Celery/Lady's Finger/Parsely

W - WORST HABIT(S)?
-Too sarcastic, not sensitive enough, procrastination

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD?
-Dunno. 2?

Z - ZODIAC SIGN?
-Aries

Friday, May 26, 2006

Whatever

Me - [Receives report book] "Wow! 2nd position! This rocks!"
Clement - "EH GUYS, WE TAUPOK THE 1st and 2nd for each stream ok!"
Me - [Quickly hides report book] "Oh look, I got 3rd. Pity pity."

Ok, so I'm seriously bored so I'm blogging again.

God, I need to(get someone to) fix my blogcodes to make it internet-explorer friendly. And to all you idiots out there, I've clearly stated in both my MSN ID and personal message that my blog is NOT internet-explorer friendly. So please don't ask me "Eh, why your blog blank one arh?" Because if 1 more person asks me that, I'm going to go and slaughter some puppies. And I'll be damned if I hurt any puppies.

Sidenote: My braces have also caused several more ulcers.

What can I blog about? Oh yeah, met Si Cheng and Yan Jie in the canteen. He was like "What's your aggregate?" to which I replied "Er...72.9." And then he stared at me for a second, stunned with this surprised and maybe murderous expression. Then he whirled around and said "Okbye." After hearing both his and Yan Jie's L1R5, I'm starting to worry for my Sec 3 grades. Nevertheless, that is a full 6months+ away. I'll burn that bridge over troubled piranha-infested waters when I come to it.

Oh yeah, to answer some questions by people: The quotes I put at the top of my blog are not really based on anything. They're just statements made by people that have left an impression on me in one way or another. Of course, I do favour those with a sense of humour ( MY SENSE OF HUMOUR ) over others.

Gosh, I think I'll go surf blogs now. Hoping for my friends notably: Danial, Nic, Jovina, Hansen, Si Cheng and Sophie to update their blogs. Hurry hurry hurry!

June Hols!

Mdm Yasmin - "Just make sure you buy Fabric paints...Don't buy those kind that are oil-based or whatever. Somebody set fire to the place, all of you will burn and die."
Me - "And who would do such a dastardly, evil, totally and completely horrible thing?"
Victor - [Points at me] "How about-"
Me - "Victor you shut up."

K, last day of school has gone by. Right about now, I think at least 3/4 of the sec 2 cohort are suffering at the NEWater plantation thingy-ma-bob so ahaha suckers.

Got back my results today.
English -74.3 ( A2 )
Chinese - 68.2 ( B3 )
Mathematics - 73.5 ( A2 )
Science - 66.0 ( B3)
History - 75.4 ( A1 )
Literature - 79.0 ( A1 )
D&T - 73.9 ( A2 )

Resulting in a total of 510.3/700 which is a percentage of 72.9. My class position went from 14/24 from last year's end of year to 2/24 this year! WOO HOO! Express-stream wise for the cohort, got 31/251 which is already quite good for me although my original aim was to be in the top 20. Oh yeah, Bob got 1st in class for Express stream and he's 3rd in Express-Stream for the cohort. I got 2nd in class for Express stream and I'm the 31st...Big difference huh? Of course, his percentage is like 78? Oh and apparently, I'm 6th in class in terms of percentage, losing to Kevin ( Duh ), Bob ( Duh ), Adeeb ( Duh ), Vikash ( Duh ) and Charlie? Not too sure about Charlie, but I heard that he was only slightly below Bob in terms of percentage, having been pulled down by his English grades.

Guess I'll have to buck up for CA2 and end-of-years. Science is definitely my weakest subject so I've certainly got to work on it. But I guess I'd rather rely on pulling up my other subjecs to compensate for Science. For example, Literature, History and English. My Maths marks just fluctuate too much to be reliable. History too come to think of it, although I have tremendously improved this year. From a 53 (C6) to a 75.4 (A1) is certainly no small jump.

If I do stay in VS, I definitely want to maintain this sort of grades. Of course, when I say maintain, I mean "Not dropping". I want to improve of course but with the extra subjects I'll be taking, I suppose maintaining my current grade scores would be good enough.

Although come to think of it, when I go to Sec 3, I'll be taking subjects I really do have an interest and passion for. Wouldn't I do well for them then? I mean, Literature and English are subjects I'm most passionate about and I'm doing fairly well for then. Maybe I could pull those grades up. Improving in every single subject would be unrealistic for sure, but with more hard and smart work, I can definitely improve my Lit, History, Maths and English marks.

Ok enough of the academic hoo-haa. Mr Chia came along and came us playing 3-way Stress with poker cards. As a result, I was forced to throw them in the dustbin. Danial managed to salvage them later though, but it's missing the 6 of diamonds =(. Oh yeah, Nicholas went to take the D&T stuff, then came up holding the folio and the workpiece.

Nicholas - "Eh Linus, do you want our workpiece?"
Me - Mmm...No."
Nicholas - "Ok."

And then he just casually tossed the workpiece from the back of the room to the dustbin in front, missing it and hitting the wall. The workpiece then obviously broke and the pieces fell all over the floor. My jaw really fell open in shock. I mean, I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO THROW IT AWAY! On the bright side, I took home the folio which we got 31/40 for. Yay! Nicholas' handwriting combined with Linus' drawings...Heh heh.

Went to Parkway KFC for lunch and found out that almost half the class was there. Made the terrible decision of ordering the spicy, crispy 2-piece chicken meal. Not only was my order forgotten, but by the time I finally got it, all of them were leaving to return to VS for the NEWater plantation trip thingy.

So I sat down lonely and sad, tears sliding down my face as the rain poured down outside. Nah just kidding. Because my newly-tightened braces are so bloody painful, I basically just de-skinned the chicken and ate the skin. Then threw it away, caught a bus 76 home and then now I'm blogging.

And now, I'm going to blow my brains out playing Gunbound or DotA. Whichever.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

VS Arts Day

Me - "What?"
Adeeb - "What what?"
Me - "I dunno! You said what first so I asked you what was the reason for you saying what. Oh wait, I said what first. So what was the reason for you asking me what?"
Adeeb - [Blink] "What?"
Me - "What what?"
Adeeb -"Argh!"

Ok, so today was VS Arts day. Did NOT start off well since my newly-tightened metal train tracks of pure, sadistic torture braces were still KILLING my teeth. Nevertheless, I dragged my half-dead body out of bed, only to trip on my laptop wire and bring the entire laptop+mouse crashing down. Thankfully, my laptop is A-Ok and the mouse...Well, it was screwed up anyway. I needed to buy a new one and this is really the perfect excuse.

Tried not to talk in school unless I absolutely had to. Unfortunately, when Benjamin, Hansen and Si Cheng came, I found myself still talking, albeit in a rather sarcastic and cynical tone. Met up with some KC...exchange students? No idea really, but I think they are exchange students.

Anyway, after going up to the drama venue to help Ms Koh and Mr Chong ( even though he doesn't know me which we all know is just plain impossible ) with the equipment stuff, went to the auditorium to watch Royston's Tan's films. Patrick Khoo a.k.a Careless Whisperer was in the video, and also graced us with his presence and singing of You're Beautiful. To my surprise, he is actually a good singer. Definitely too soft though; is he using falsetto?

The actual Drama performances themselves weren't too bad. Frankly, the sec 2 batch were better than the sec 3 batch in my opinion. Sec 3s kept commenting among themselves. Such poor etiquette! Anyways, I guess our performances were well-received by both batches. The play "The importance of being Kaypoh" by Wildrise Drama company was absolutely fantastic, fusing life and local culture together to create a wonderful mix of humour and sadness while still providing the "Moral of the story". When you think about the play, I mean really really think about it, it does teach you a lot about our society.

Jazz Music as the last item. Really enjoyable, kept joking around with Ashraf, Adeeb, Ganesha and David until a certain almost-bald teacher stopped us. What a prick.

Was going to go for CO, but my braces had started to hurt like hell halfway through the Jazz Music thing. Actually, it was hurting the entire day, but it was EXCRUIATING later on. So, my apologies to the CO people for breaking my promise ( which I don't remember making at all ) to go for prac, but the pain was really getting to me.

Stayed back for just a short while ,before I really couldn't stand the pain anymore, to help Martin out with his AEP project thing. It's really quite fun and I enjoyed reprising my role as a bitchy monitor. Slapfight with Adeeb. Meow!

Sad to say, it was all over all too soon. The next time the cast of PDPC meets will be in July to perform at KC for -GASP- the ENTIRE SCHOOL.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006



Me - "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE'RE TAKING SO LONG? IT'S BECAUSE ALL YOU FAGS CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT INTO YOUR THICK FAT SKULLS THAT MAYBE IF YOU COOPERATE, WE CAN GET THIS DONE FASTER! IT'S 3 OF US TRYING TO CONTROL 36 OF YOU BUFFOONS! SO DON'T YOU DARE BITCH TO ME ABOUT US TAKING TOO LONG A TIME TO GET THIS DONE!"
Charlie - [Walks up] "What are we suppose to do arh?"
Me - [Bangs head against wall] Someone, please shoot me.

God, my braces are fricking killing me. Just had them tightened, the paracetemol isn't working, and I have the sudden urge to kill my loved ones. Must be the pain! ARGHHHHH !

Anyways, today was VS 130. Went heck of a lot better than I anticipated. Had some problems organizing the class at first ( as evident by the quote above ), but after Mdm Yasmin came, the class settled down.

David screwed up his t-shirt, but thankfully somehow managed to save it. Hmm, that sounds weird. Oh well, whatever. The front of my shirt looks like crap but I'm rather proud of the back. And Bob's and Vikash's ones look absolutely fantastic, seriously.

When we went to the hall, I think all of us were very very self-conscious. Danial had to give the speech about how we went about it blah blah blah. Did the cheer too. Turned out quite well too, at least we didn't make such a big fool out of ourselves. Unlike last year with the party poppers.

[Shudders] Such horrible memories.

PDPC and Aikido tomorrow. Oh yeah, I WANNA GO TO THE KC EMD!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

PHOTOS

Me - "Oo, Charlie, doesn't this warm white stuff taste delicious?"
Victor - "..."
Charlie - "Huh? Oh, of course. Mmm, it's so creamy..."
Me - "Yes I know. It just melts on your tongue...And it's so sweet too."
Charlie - "Yes. Gosh, can I have somemore of that sweet, white creamy stuff?"
Me - "Of course! Take as much as you want!"
Victor - "Damn it lah! You guys are damn sick leh! Now I no appetite already!"
Me - "Heh heh. Amazing how Charlie and I can make white choco nuggets sound so sick."


The Nigerian Delegates. THEY WERE SO FRIENDLY!!! Too bad my eyes are closed. Btw, from left to right, the actors/actresss(Who are those wearing white t-shirts and black pants): Hansen, Benjamin, Si Cheng, Adeeb, Me(Linus, duh), Daryl, Sophie, Charlotte, Sanam and Mei Jing. We all rock!


The Katong Convent girls with one of the SEAB staff who organized this event.You notice she's holding a present =3


The five Victoria School dudes. Yay!


Sophie and I poking each other in the face. SO SPASTIC! YAYAYAYAYAY


Another shot of the 5 VS guys. Just realized my eyes are almost always half-closed. ARGH! MARK IS INFLUENCING ME!!!


Favourite photo for obvious reasons. It's the WACKO poses! Here's what I can "interpret", or as a certain HISTORY teacher would repeatedly hammer into us again and again and again..."INFER" from our poses! No offense to anyone!

Benjamin -> Ooo...Camera...Fascinating...[Blank, dumb stare...Duh...
Hansen -> Ah, the public, they want me. They really really want me! Why am I so wanted? AH THE PRICE OF FAME! Hmmm...Chicken or fish for lunch?
Si Cheng -> OH MY GOD IT'S A CAMERA! WOW WEE WOO HOO WOO HA! It's JAW-DROPPING! THE MAGNIFICENCE! MUST...STARE!
Adeeb -> Hmm...I shall look cute ( as always ) and pretend to be the only sane, normal one. Then...I shall take over the world and rule it with an army of chinchillas! Just smile and wave boys.
Me -> Must...try...and...act...cool...Also, I must compensate for the obvious height difference by towering over Adeeb as much as possible. [Stretches neck to the point of tearing the skin]
Ms Koh -> You and I both do NOT want to know...

We so rock! Woo hoo! HAD SUCH GREAT FUN WITH YOU GUYS!

Pandamonium

Me - "I love my tie. Look, it's so convenient, it automatically converts itself into a noose occasionally"

Finally confirmed my exam results. MSG of 2, average of 72.7. You know what's not fair? Adeeb has an MSG of 2.4, yet an average of 73.5, 0.8 higher than mine. That sucks, I'm going to go set Adeeb on fire. Well, I would, but I'm listening to one of my favourite songs so that's keeping me calm. Mary J Blige's Be Without You
Went out with Adeebeeda, Danial and Nick-Er to go shopping for the supplies for that wastatime Vintage Victoria 130 tomorrow. Gosh, I sure hope it turns out alright. . Met Benjamin while we were at Popular desperately searching for fabric paints. Left them cuz I had to come home, they went to Bras Basah ( together with Herlene and Inez who is extremely extremely cute ) to shop for the stuff. Hope they find it.

Tuition later. Isn't it unfair that I have tuition after exams? This is so BS. I might even have tuition in Melbourne because we're all going there to visit my uncle. Gosh, seriously hope not. I want to do my science projects there. Got Maths, Chinese and Science holiday assignments. So much for the "holidays".

Mmm, performing PDPC for Arts day. Ms Koh is evil and has intentionally scheduled 2C( Mine and Adeeb's class), 2D, 3C ( Si Cheng's class), 3D and 3E ( Benjamin's and Hansen's class ) to go and watch the play. I'm going to be so embarassed performing in front of them...Jeez, I better not hear any snide comments from the audience.

Monday, May 22, 2006

PANIC! At my heart

Me - "So...Victor, how did Ms Wong react when she realized I wasn't in class?"
Victor - "Oh you know, my register number is after you, so she collected [The exams papers]starting from the back. Then she called your name and was 'Where's Linus?' Then I told her you didn't come. Then I think, I THINK, she smiled."
Me - "How evil."

Wow, 3 blog posts in one day. Bored stiff. And just to clarify, I do not like Panic! at the Disco. I don't care if it's rock or emotional rock or whatever, in my book, it's rubbish. No offense to Panic! at the Disco fans out there.

Anyways, a new wave of nervousness just hit. My Aikido grading is in like 1 month's time and I'm officially screwed for it. I can't even bloody roll properly lah! I"M GOING TO FAIL!

Sigh, thankfully I can remember the names of the techniques. But really, I can remember the first time I learnt the -most- basic technique...

Instructor - "Ok. It's like this, like this, then step forward and then...like this."
Me - "Uh...huh..."
Instructor - "Ok, the move name is Katate Dori: Gyakku Hanmi Ikkyo Irimi Nage"
Me - [Blank look] "What?"

Yeah, so anyways, I'm screwed.

Performing PDPC for VS Arts appreciation day thing. Gosh, Ms Koh says that our class is going to watch us. That's horrible! My reputation as the evil alpha-bitch will be ruined! And I can bet those insensitive fags like Justin and Matthew and David and Matthew and Clement are not going to even bother to appreciate it. In fact, I can safely say that they're going to make a lot of snide remarks and I will have to resist the temptation to grab Sophie and launch her at high velocity at them. Speaking of Sophie, both she and I (and others?) are having a hard time letting go of PDPC. I'm going to really miss it, all the times we...shared together aye? But life goes on nevertheless.

Ah yes, found a truly touching video on YouTube. Something about Boston Public, a girl Tamyra was singing "Dance with my Father", a beautiful song written by Luther VanDross. It really really touched me and makes me so grateful that I still have my dad around. I actually cried while listening to that song because...I don't know. Tamyra's beautiful, pure voice must have struck a chord within me because I just started tearing...I love that song...Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9yrQgEBQIs

Sigh, I think I'm going to try a final time to make peace with Justin tomorrow. If that fails, I will impale him through the head with the broom,then proceed to viciously maul him with the dustpan.

They are such fags! Bloody hell leh. Playing SOCCER in class, bouncing the fricking ball all over the fricking place. And the best thing is that our dear sweet USELESS monitor WAFIY is either doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, or watching them, or playing with them. Lovely. This could explain why the hell our class is about as bonded as air. The next time the class commitee survey sheet comes around, I am really going to mark the class bonding as BAD. Everytime I keep seeing it at "good". What BS. Our class is practically made up of warring parties.

Hmm, talking about the class, about time I got the decorations up. Unfortunately, I'm going to first have to deal with those fags entering our class for Chinese. Bloody hell lah. The decorations are being RUINED because of THEM! Goddamit, when I go to their class, I don't bloody touch the bloody fricking decorations. But noooo, they will have to have bloody itchy fingers and thus, bloody maul and MUTILATE all the bloody decorations I bloody painstakingly put up. Bloody fags.

Sigh, feeling quite sick. Wanna stay home from school tomorrow, but yet, I feel like going to school to play. Gosh...What a dilemma...And god knows if Dilemma is even spelt correctly. Too lazy to look it up.

Ah yes, as a closing note, glad to know that at least one person appreciates the quotes I've been putting up at the top of my blog posts. Well, I put them there most of the time anyway. My life is so interesting, and my friends are so spastic, there's simply no lack of quotes.

Another Survey!

Titus - "What's your MSG?"
Me - "Err....2.1-ish. Increased by 0.1 mark from 2.0"
Titus - "Ahaha!" [Pokes me] "Mine dropped 0.1; 3.6 to 3.5"
Me - "...Errr, my score still kicks your score's ass you know..."
Titus - "Oh yar..."

Woo hoo, Titus is a retarded cute imbecile, much like Clement. But we love them both because they're ever so sexy idiots. And by sexy, I mean [Shudders]
Anyways, here's the survey thing [ Ripped off Danial's blog]

1. Start Time
/* 8.03pm
2. Name
/* Linus
3. Nickname
/* Too many.
4. If u were a skittle what color would you be?
/* Blue
5. Chinese Zodiac
/* Errr....Forgot
6. Zodiac
/* Aries, the horny ram.
7. Hair color
/* Black
8. Eye color
/* Black?.
9. Height
/* 163cm
10. Favorite Color
/* Almost every colour
11. glasses?
/* Yesh. Nice $325 ones too.
12. Braces?
/* Yes. Fricking 2k...
13. Piercing/tattoos?
/* Hell no
15. Area code
/* 1800-NO-WAY

******HAVE YOU EVER******

17. Cut your own hair?
/* Fat hope
18. Did you do something in the past month thatyou regret?
/* Duh
20. Kissed someone who isn't ur g/f or b/f?
/* Parents
21. Skipped school?
/* Er...No actually come to think of it. Damn, I'm a guai kia
22. Bungee jumped?
/* Yes, but it was a pathetic small jump.
23. Had sex outside?
/* No
24. Dumped someone?
/* No.
25. Been arrested?
/* Not yet
26. TP'd someone's house?
/* What is TP?
27. Won something?
/* Yes.
30. Been rejected?
/* Yes
31. Been to a funeral?
/* Yes. Way too many. I think I'm too used to death
32. Used a lighter?
/* Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. I love fire.
33. Been on stage?
/* HELL YEAH!

*****FAVORITE*****

34. Season
/* Spring. It's just so nice when all the beautiful flowers bloom and you really experience nature. Then you burn the fricking place down.
35. Food
/* Japanese or Dim Sum
36. Ice cream flavor
/* COOKIES AND CREAM! SAME AS YOU DANIAL!
37. School subject(s)
/* Literature / PE(Stop sniggering)
38. Person?
/* Best friends, duh
41. Book(s)
/* Er...Gore/Comedy
42. Movie(s)
/* Tooo many...Scary Movie 3; Ice Age 1 and 2 to name a few
43. Song?
/* Say it isn't so - Gareth Gates and Emotional - Diana DeGarmo
44. Park?
/* That park thing in Perth
45. State
/* Crazy, hyper state?
46. Place
/* Not telling. None of you would believe anyway. And no, it's not a brothel contrary to popular belief.
47. Sport to watch
/* Nothing.
49. Bands/musicians
/* ...Diana DeGarmo, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood blah blah blah.
50. Letter(s)
/* L,I,N,U,S =3
51. Restaurant
/* Sushi Tei, New Park Cafe, Shangri-la
52. Cartoon Character(s)
/* Lol. Timmy Turner [Fairly Odd Parents]
53. TV Station(s)
/* Disney Channel, Star World, MTV
54. Name for a son
/* Matthias? Or PandaCake
55. Name for a daughter
/* Sylvia. Or PandaCake.

******DO YOU PREFER******

56. Chocolate or Vanilla?
/* Errr, love both.
58. Long relationships or one night stands ?
/* Long relationships. Be sincere, be faithful, be true.
59. Dogs or cats?
/* Dogs...
60. Scary movies or comedies?
/* Comedies, but I enjoy the occasional scary movies despite the nightmares.
61. Short hair or long
/* Short in Singapore.
62. Croutons or bacon bits?
/* Bacon Bits. Like duh. I can't believe you like Croutons Danial.
63. Kissing or hugging
/* Whom? Hugging, unless with...

****FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND****

64. Mexicans
/* SOMBREROS! LA CUCARACHA!
65. School
/* Victoria School
66. Grass
/* Field
67. Cow
/* Milk
68. Canada
/* South Park
69. Mouse
/* Cute
70. Hands
/* Err..the structure?

******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******

71. Watched a movie?
/* Scary Movie 3
72. Talked on the phone?
/* Yes
73. Cried?
/* Not really
74. Threw up?
/* Yes.
75. Drank a glass of water?
/* Yes.
76. Done Drugs?
/* HELL NO!
77. Read a book or magazine?
/* No
78. Watched TV?
/* Yeah
79. Looked in the mirror?
/* No. I don't really look in mirrors.
80. Taken a shower?
/* Like duh. I'm not some filthy pig.
81. Taken a picture?
/* Yes. This morning. With 9 other camerawhores.
82. Listened to music?
/* Yeah. Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin
83. Kissed someone?
/* Yes
85. Told someone you liked them
/* Not...yet.

So...Tired

-At Katong Convent before leaving for Grand Copthorne Waterfront-
Me - [EXTREMELY sarcastic] "Yes, I do love my Milo, it's very delicious. Now if you excuse me, I'll go pour it over some poor homeless kitten because I'm sure it wants some of this delicious Milo."
Everyone - "...Wtf..."

Omg, I am so freaking exhausted.

Got up at 5.30 to go to KC. I was so hyper in the morning...Bad idea.

Anyways, the play was ok. The Angklung performance by Millenia Institute was simply fantastic, playing songs like Chan Mali Chan and The Moon Represents My Heart (Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin). Our play went fine, except that the audience people were laughing. I mean, it IS a serious play after all. Whatever. At least it was well-received.

Mingled with the delegates after the performance during the tea-break. Was feeling extremely nauseous so didn't really eat much. Sophie is sooo sweet though, baking brownies with our initials on them. Now, if she hadn't been pinching me, I might feel bad...

We were all total camerawhores. Took pictures with the Director General of SEAB and other delegates, especially some Nigerian delegates. Omg, they were so totally friendly. Waiting for Sophie to send me the pics. Gonna upload them on my blog and Friendster.

Sigh, exhaustion hit me as we reached school. Now, I'm so fricking tired. Going to eat lunch, then sleep.

Edit: Forgot to mention my results

Literature - A1 ( 79 )
Biology + Chemistry - B4 ( roughly)
History - A1 ( 75.4 )
Maths - A2
Chinese - B3 ( 69 sia )
English - A2?
Dnt - ?

MSG = 13/6 = 2.1. I feel so stupid...2.1, so bloody high sia...

Sunday, May 21, 2006

SINGAPORE IDOL

Msn Conversation with Sophie

[Linus] PDPC...This is not goodbye...This is starting over...If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go...So say it isn't so... says:
I"m just nervous
••::•: sophiesticated :•::•• the proud owner of 13 beautifully decorated secrets says:
"just"
[Linus] PDPC...This is not goodbye...This is starting over...If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go...So say it isn't so... says:
Yesh
••::•: sophiesticated :•::•• the proud owner of 13 beautifully decorated secrets says:
right.me,i'm about as calm as a rabid escaped dingbat.

Watching Singapore Idol and talking with Sophie! She rocks seriously. And she is now Miss Sadako. HI SADAKO!

Woah, Jacintha and Dick rock. Jacintha totally micmic'ed Ken. And omg, the guy auditioning is such a BITCH! Hula-Hoop your damn ass out of the freaking thing. Dick can totally diss and insult people. He's like "Your hula-hoop made me feel like throwing up. Or was that the singing. Oh, it was a combination"

HE ROCKS!

And since Sophie wants to be mentioned more...

SOPHIEsticated SOPHIE!

Lol, I think the nervousness for tomorrow is making me hyper...

Ah fine...Lemme just talk on MSN and watch TV. Multi-Tasking of this sort is bad.

Nervousness

My SMS to Ms Koh - "Are we meeting outside KC or inside KC?"
Ms Koh's reply - "KC is fine."
Me - "..."


Oh my god, KCVS drama rehearsals come to fruition tomorrow! I'm so fricking nervous. Thank god Mum's coming back with my Vanilla AND Strawberry milkshakes. God forbid I get fat, but if I do, I'm damn well going to get fat on food I love.

I'm really so much happier now after letting out all that emo stuff. Now, I can really smile and really, truly mean it. WHEE!

Online Project Work is screwed up! Clement is totally not doing anything and the bloody exhibition is on TUESDAY! FREAK! Getting back the Chinese and History papers tomorrow. Shoot, I have GOT to do well for those. Seriously.

Ahhhhh...My intestines are absolutely contorted and twisted in sheer nervousnesses.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Shattered Dreams

Jo-ann - "Oh my god, Xion is totally hot in a totally unattractive way!"


Mmm, went for the VIP admission testS today. The GAT was incredibly easy. English was confusing because it's was more of reasoning than anything else, but I think I still did well.

MATHS! IT WAS A FRICKING BITCH MAN! OH MY GOD, IT WAS SO BLOODY DIFFICULT. ALL THE FRICKING CONCEPTS AND EVERYTHING...I AM SO DOOMED...

Anyway, wanted to go bowling after the test. But since the guys were like so very very demoralized after that FRICKING E(vil)-Maths test and also, JOVU-BUBU-CAKE ABANDONED US. She USED US!!! Finally met Inez, Debra and ...Cheryl? Inez is so cute!!! She "lost" her phone and was frantic about it, then finally found it in the car. But her face was like so cuuuuute that I couldn't help but laugh. Oh yeah, all the girls + Danial were laughing at something. Being paranoid, I immediately thought it was me, but turns out it was some bug-faced dude sitting behind Debra. Woah, whatever.

Went to Parkway for lunch with Danial, Kevin and Clement. Wanted to go Swensons, but Clement was so freaking broke with only a miserly $4 that we were FORCED to go KFC. Anyways, Danial is obviously a freaking anorexic so he didn't eat. Clement ate his meal, then proceeded to leech off Kevin and me. Leech-er. But he's Clement and we all love him because he's cute and funny and smart and retarded and spasticfied and a complete idiot overall.
Badminton at Jo-ann's house with Melissa and Mark was wayy bad. The damn wind wouldn't stop blowing , so we just ended up talking. And I made fun of Jo-ann's thighs!

Me -Where's Jo-ann from?
Mel/Mark/Jo-ann/Jo-Shen - Dunno, where?
Me - THIGHLAND OF COURSE!
All - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Whatever! SO LAME! But it was really really fun and a good way to relieve that stress from taking that E-Maths test. Gunbound'ed for a while after that, but gave up because 4 people using the same internet connection was simply a very very bad idea. Switched to DotA for about 5 minutes, then Dad called and came to pick me up from Jo's house.

Finished up my DotA game ( I LOVE MEDUSA) then did a bit of ugly sketching and drawing.

Oh god, my brother is still freaking snoring. Bloody hell, smack him with the bolster so many times still snoring. Gosh...Sometimes I wonder, why did I get a brother like him...And whenever people ask me what school my brother is in, then I...Sigh...What to do? I was born into this family for some reason. What I'm really worried about is whether I'll be able to take care of my brother in the future...God...I hope so...

Friday, May 19, 2006

Humour-tastic

Me - "God...I called her out of the staff room to ask her to help me with my Literature Paper and then she said she wanted to buy an ice-cream so I let her and then she went down to buy while I waited and then now she hasn't come back and THAT WAS A BLOODY HALF AN HOUR AGO!"
Adeeb - "Wow, one breath."
Me - -Hyperventilates-

A short post I promise about today. No more emo stuff for a long long time now that I've got everything out of my system.

Checked our English, Maths, Literature and Biology scripts.

Lit - A1 (79/100)
English - A2?
Maths - A2
Biology - B4

History and Chinese papers to check on Monday. Damn, I'm worried about History and Chinese. I NEED TO SCORE WELL! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Anyways, drama practice today rocked big time. Adeeb and I, the ever-so-talented actors, spoofed the entire play. And then when the rest came, all of us switched roles and frankly, made the entire play a huge laughing mess. Was hyper-active the entire day and proved that I can scream or at least reach the highest volume.

Going to play Gunbound now. Bye people

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Printed Dreams and Paper CastrationsCastles

Hansen's blog - "...the girls came in and disappeared behind the curtain. i went 2 summon them, and found sophie with her hair thrown over her face, charlotte limp on a chair, and meijing sitting straight up on the stairs. i was like "SON-OF-A-BITCH!" "

Note: This makes it 5 days that I've blogged everyday.

Just realized that I have a pitiful amount of posts. 65, 66 counting this post. That's pathetic.

Just finished reading Sophie's blog. Reminded me that Printed Dreams and Paper Castles ( PDPC ) is ending soon. Gosh, I'm going to miss all of them. 'Cept for Adeebeeda. Because I see him on Mondays, and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and Fridays.

I'll miss all the retarded fun we had. All the comments, insults, short-lived fads (Ahem!), laughter; just pure fun. Oh sure, some of us pissed off others (Me<->Hansen), but no one can deny that it was really an enriching and pleasant experience, cliched as that may sound. I really did learn a lot about acting, drama and surprisingly, also about life.

I wish that I could go back in time, reverse it actually. Retrace our steps along the path of time, back to when we were innocent and pure. Naive some might call it. But really, that was when we knew nothing of how cruel the world can be.

Alas, time-travel isn't possible now. So all we can do is just live life to the fullest. It's hard sometimes, handling your schooling, social and personal life. By personal, I mean just you and your feelings and emotions. It can be difficult sometimes and I admit, I've felt lost many times. I realize this sounds really drama-mama, but I just really need to express what I feel.

Now, moving on to other stuff.

Forgot to talk about some stuff in PDPC rehearsals yesterday.

Disclaimer:
I didn't molest anyone.
Or rape anyone.
Or maul/maim/kill/murder/slaughter/eviscerate/spindle/mutilate/decapitate/sodomize/kill anyone. Seriously.

The KC blackbox is absolutely fantastic when you switch the lights off. Played around in the darkness for a while. Oh oh! And apparently, Si Cheng got scared by dear old Adeebeeda, really scared judging by the scream.

Played "Vampire" too, a really cool game. The best thing about it was that I could still see quite fine in the darkness. Bumped into a few people and some of us screamed.My only scream came when Mr Meyer gripped and practically punctured my neck. I was like "Woo! Er...Errrrrrrrah OWOWOWOUCH!"

Oh yay Mum's back with my strawberry milkshake! WHEE GOT TO GO GET HYPER BYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Spirit

Randall - "Wah. Godma he dunno. Say 'Tuition teacher" only he knows."
Me - "Shocking how Jo-shen knows his godma by 'Tuition Teacher' instead of 'Godma' "

Just realized I've been on a major blogging spree. I've blogged everyday for...[checks] 4 days. That's normally more than I blog in 2 weeks. Woo hoo. Yay yay. Rah!

Anyways, school was a bitch today. Played cards in the morning, substituting Uno cards for poker cards. Lost a lot of games...My cards really really sucked lah. Pulled off a surprise victory when even Kevin thought I couldn't win though =3.

Went for the Victorian 130 Challenge briefing. Feeling kinda inspired ( and bored) now. Gosh, I sure hope my class can really bond together to pull off this activity. We've got 5.4 days to plan it, 3.6 hours to actually do it. What can we do in 3.6 hours? Bake a cake? There was a suggestion that we go and get 130 strikes in bowling within 3.6 hours. I was thrilled with the idea, until I realized that this is real life. That's like almost 40 strikes per hour. With 20 lanes, 2 strikes per lane. Sounds ok, until you realize that our class can't bowl for nuts. Those that can bowl ( Dexter, Mervin and MAYBE Clement and I =3) can't possibly bowl for 3.6 hours straight. 2 hours of bowling and my arm muscles ( yes I do have some stop sniggering ) were stiff as hell for a day. 3.6 hours and my arm will just drop off.

Went for the NEWater trip thing. I can safely say that I was absolutely bored stiff throughout the entire bloody thing. I didn't even learn anything that could help me with the project. Which by the way, looks difficult. It's basically a series of reports, reports and reports. Damn. Partnered with Adeebeeda and Ridha and split up the assignment. Better get to work sometime soon, like the weekend. Those going for the talk next Friday, good luck. Bring a pillow. And pray you don't get my tour guide.

Obviously, Mr Meyer's advice about not eating anything spicy or with honey or sweet and stuff like that went through one ear and straight out the other. Moment we arrived back in school, I bought chocolates, Adeeb bought some curry Twisties. And apparently Benjamin ate something that was advised against too.

Mr Meyer said that our drama was ok, but obviously, ok means "Good enough for people with low standards". The emotion level and overall performance was up a notch today though. Maybe Mr Meyer's words really did inspire us or something. Anyways, I know I love acting. The stage is a space where you can throw away reality and be someone you aren't, yet bring some of yourself to that character. Emotions rise to the surface and tell a story that looks simple, but is yet so deep. While concentrating on my character; what and how I was suppose to portray him, I was thinking and really bringing all the pain and frustration I ever felt in my life up again, reliving the experience. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find tears in my eyes. It was worth it though, since this time, I could really bring some level of depth and emotion to my character. Nah, it's not actually my "character". It really is still me, just in a different light. I believe in my character. After all, I believe in myself.

Thought about how narrow-minded our society is, how unwilling it is to accept anything new. Doesn't anyone else find it sad that Singapore, for all its accomplishments, is so narrow-minded? Homosexuality for one. From what I've seen, if you're not a homophobe, then you are one of them. I really find that so wrong. I'm neutral on this issue, but apparently, because of my neutral stand, I'm automatically regarded as "gay". Don't those homophobes know that homosexuality is most often ( or always) genetic? You don't just become gay, you are born that way. God...These people didn't choose to be gay. They are already having a hard time accepting that fact, and learning to live with themselves.!

Do we, society, really need to make them feel worse? It's not as if we non-homosexuals are PERFECT in every way! Every single one of us has short-comings don't we? We should, no, we have to learn to overlook and overcome these faults. So they like people of the same gender. So? That doesn't make them wrong, doesn't make them any less human. They're just like everyone else!

This society of ours needs to change. We need to be more understanding...That change has to start somewhere...

Indeed...

Why not let it start from me?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Don't Cry Out Loud

Mr Meyer - "And remember, if the delegates talk to you, please give them proper, intelligent model answers."
Me - "Ah...So we must lie."

Ah! So tired, yet I have tuition later. Just thought I'll blog a bit about today.

Today was the post-exam crap aka waste of time. I was chosen as a sacrificial victim member of a hastily-assembled hockey team. I played about 10 minutes total, touching the ball an amazing 2 times. Then I got pissed off and went for recess.

Helped Ms Koh with the filming, then played Murderer with Clement, Kevin, Mervin, Dexter, Shawn, Jackson, Michael, Zheng Ting ( is that how you spell his name) and 3 other people. Anyways, I discovered that I can really freak Kevin out. Also, I will be a very bad policeman. Not surprisingly, I was good as a murderer.

Anyways, went back to class to play cards with Danial, Kevin, Ridha and Dexter. Won only 1 out of 5 or 6 games, but whatever. Went to Danial's house to bathe since even I couldn't stand how smelly I was ( blasted hockey crap). Made it back, ate a hasty lunch then went for drama practice.

Went to Grand Copthorne Waterfront. That hotel rocks. The moment I stepped in, I saw this absolutely lovely carpet. The ballroom where we're performing is also awesome. But the curtains don't match ( kudos to AdeebFBAAM for pointing that out). Other than that, the room was awesome.

Ran through the play about three to four times. Forgot my lines the first time through, but remembered it at the last moment, so it was ok I think. Doesn't seem like anyone noticed. All of us worked on the footwork and positioning. The ballroom is huge, so the voice projection is so very important.

:Note, I was interrupted by tuition so my thoughts may be more disconnected than usual.

ANYways, today wasn't nearly as intensive as I thought it would be. Was nervous though, but managed to deliver my lines with satisfactory ( which means sub-par/sub-standard) emotion. I know I'm not convincing, I don't even sound convincing to myself. But, maybe I just don't express myself that way.

Which reminds me, I chose this blog's title to match what I'm feeling right now. Don't Cry Out Loud is a song that was originally sung by Melissa Manchester, but I prefer the Diana DeGarmo version. Anyway, it talks about hiding your feelings, putting up a facade. Here's the lyrics ( taken from Letssingit.com):

Baby cried the day the circus came to town
Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon a wire
I know a lot about her cause you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind their dreams among the litter
And the different kind of love she thought she crowned
There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can be broken cause you see
She had the finest teacher that was me
I told her:

Don't cry out loud
just keep it inside
and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
remember you almost had it all

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
oh and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
remember you almost made it

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
And learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
remember you almost had it all

This song is really meaningful to me. It seems like the song for me, like what life has been for me. I've had to keep what I really felt to myself. Why? Because if I were to say what I truly believe and think, then I'll be even more ostracized than I am now. The line "Baby saw that when they pulled the big top down, they left behind their dreams in the litter." is especially true. How many opportunities have been wasted or, have never even ever came because people fear how our narrow-minded society will react?

When I made the decision in Primary 5 to stop being such a coward and say what I really think, I knew that it wasn't the best decision. But yet, I couldn't stand putting up such a facade anymore. It was like building a shell around myself, keeping myself in while trying to please the entire damn world. I know I pissed a lot of people off with my bluntness and biting comments, but really, someone has got to change. I'm not going to pretend to like you just because you can give me this and that and yadda. Hell NO! I'll throw all the fricking sarcastic comments I want at you.

Darn, now I'm in such a bad mood, thinking about this. Screw this...

Monday, May 15, 2006

Bzzzzt

Adeeb - "And then on the front of all the exams papers that my brother and his friend made up, it reads 'Please answer all questions thrown at you' and the end says 'Good Luck smileyface smileyface smileyface' "
Me - "Your brother is a freak."
Adeeb - "He's my twin you know."
Me - "I do not retract my statement."
Adeeb - "...Gaga calling the chocolate black."



Whoopie! Marking day for sec 2s today so was suppose to be a holiday. Note the word "Suppose". Because it didn't feel like one.

Morning saw me rushing around like a rabid monkey. Went to VS to pick up my CA1 report ( which wasn't bloody needed) then went with Adeeb to VJC to drop off the report. VJC is seriously cool, I so wanna go there! It's like huge...and nice...and in front of the three treehouses it says "Hollywood" HOW SPASTIC IS THAT? I WANNA GO!

Adeeb came up with the brilliant idea of walking to Parkway. So we did. Which turned out to be a very very bad decision. Started feeling sickly half-way but yet, in true Victorian ( and perhaps foolhardy) spirit, we continued walking, bitching all the way about other people. Adeeb distracts his twin from his studies by playing chess with him. Evil. And his sister can do a splendid Jamaican accent.

Reached Parkway, and we saw SOPHIESTICATED SOPHIE! And she was like "You again?" Cuz we met twice or thrice at VJC during open house and Adeeb met her a few times over the past 2 weeks. It's fate I tell ya. Invited her to join us for lunch, but she needed to go back to KC to grab/finish up some stuff.

At McDonalds, I made the stupid mistake of thinking I needed to eat EVEN THOUGH I clearly felt like throwing up. So I ordered McChicken meal and a McFlurry. I took 2 bites of the burger, ate 2 fries, didn't even touch the coke and finished half the McFlurry. Then I really felt like throwing up. So, that's how I wasted $7.80.

Anyways, Ms Koh called and asked us to buy a BK Chicken Sandwich for her and then she'll swing by and pick us up. While waiting for her, Adeeb and I were discussing the possible set-up of the Monochrome Society where everyone calls each other brother. 'Cept for the girls of course. And then we can call Ms Koh "Sister Jen". Because "Sister Jennifer" sounds weird. Just like how "Brother Ben" sounds nicer than "Brother Benjamin." No offense to Benjamins out there. [Pathetic attempt to sound cool] YO! Peace to ya ma brudderZ [/pathetic attempt to sound cool]

Picked up Hansen on the way. By the time we reached KC, my face was practically on fire. Rushed to the black box and freaked out when one of the 6 air-cons wouldn't work. An exasperated Sophie went to get ice ( which reminds me, I owe her 10 cents ). The ice didn't help. Heck, I think it made it worse. My hands just became numb and so did my face, but amazingly, the stupid pain was still there.

Got called down to the music room/choir room later. It's quite cool really. Started intensive drama practice. And I was hyper. The pain was making me hyper-active and I think I freaked out a lot of people. Oh oh! And there were a LOT of insults flying around the room that day. SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER, a "fad" involving my name got started. I don't even want to talk about it. So stupid. I couldn't help giggling though, it really was kinda funny.

HAD PIZZA! 1 Vegetarian and 1 Hawaiian from Canadian Pizza. The KC' girls viciously attacked, subdued and then devoured the vegetarians while we cultured VS boys looked on in gentlemanly shock. Nah just kidding. Both groups attacked and devoured the pizzas. By the time I finished my first slice, the entire Hawaiian pizza had vanished, eaten by GOD KNOWS WHO! Not that I wanted another one though. Lord knows I'm hyperactive enough as it is.

And I officially declare myself slightly schizophrenic. I scare myself sometimes. I'll be like sick one moment, and the next, I'm the fricking energizer panda, bouncing around completely mad. I think today was really a day when I was "MYSELF!" Jumping around, going totally and completely insane. I needed that energy release though. Felt much better after it too.

Oh yeah, and Benjamin kept trying to trip me/ get me in some kind of weird fancy-schmancy lock and try to take me down. Which doesn't really work since this is exactly what I've been training to defend against. Oh no wait, I've been trained on how to let my ATTACKER throw me to the ground so that I can perform some stupid fancy Ukemi roll and get back up, by which time my ATTACKER can kick my vulnerable little ass six-ways to China, Pakistan, Malaysia, Russia, Antarctica and Australia. In case you didn't INFER it from the previous sentence, I don't believe in even getting taken down. Hell no. If some person were to attack me, I'll go crazy on HIM! I'm not even well-trained in Aikido! When I get attacked, I'm going to be like " Eh wait, am I suppose to TWIST your arm like this? Or like this?" Which will of course result in me being mudhole-stomped-into-the-ground before I even have the chance to say "Ouch."

Today, I was definitely too rough. I have no idea why, I think it was the hyper-activeness affecting logical thought. In any case, I whacked a lot of people today ( In my defense, it was retaliation in most of the cases). So an apology goes out to those people today. You know who you guys are. Some I've already apologized to, but whatever, here's another apology.

Now I'm back home and OH GOD I JUST REMEMBERED DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES IS ONE I NEED TO GO WATCH BYE BYE BYE!!!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Hydrogen bombs art thy friend

Jo-ann - Writes her Mother's Day message on the card
Me - Reads it. "Happy Mother's Day Mum...Thanks for all the money...Gosh Jo-ann, you are one sick money-minded bitch."
Darren -"Are you even human?"
Me - " I can't believe you asked that. Does she even seem human to you? For the love of God, LOOK AT HER!"
Jo-ann - "Mmmmyes. Eh...eh wait, HEY!"


Wheee, still soaking in the euphoria that follows the EXAMINATIONS [Scary Music]

Ahhh I'M ADDICTED TO BOWLING. WE NEED TO GO BOWLING. LIKE EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY!!! WE SHOULD GO AFTER THE KC-VS THING!!!

Ok, spiralled a little bit out of control there. Bowling was seriously nice though. Played about 5 games. 9 bowlers in all - Me, Dexter, Travis, Adeeb, Clement, Ridha, Mervin, Bob and his brother. Thank god we arranged it at 10~3. Because we only started at 11 because EVERYONE was late! EVERYONE! The earliest person to reach there ( Dexter or Adeeb ) was like 15 minutes late.

The first ball went straight into the drain. Mervin won the first two games, I lost to him, Dexter and Travis. Bloody hell. Clement won the 4th game! ARGH! THAT WAS LIKE ONLY HIS 5th BOWLING GAME EVER! I won the last game =3

Oh oh! And after Bob and his brother left after the 3rd game, the rest were like super-evil lah! Whenever I bowl, they start chanting "The drain the drain the drain, the drain the drain the drain." BUTTTTTTTT, the funny thing is. After they chant, I would get a strike, spare or 8 or 9. And they were like so pissed.

And Mervin made an utter fool of himself. Seriously, he picked up the ball and like had a total spasm on the spot, shakin'' dat boo-tay of his. Like he had an assquake or something like that. And the people in the lanes next to us were like WTF. I saw one lady cover a toddler's eyes and started laughing like crazy. Mervin is the alpha-spastic. I surrender my title to him.

Went to Hougang Mall after bowling to meet up with Mum and picked up my new specs. Woo hoo! They cost like $325! And I am now officially addicted to the strawberry milkshakes of McDonalds. It rocks, totally.

Had the Mother's Day celebration that night. Jo-ann is a moneywhore. Even her mother's day well-wishes EXPRESS her BURNING DESIRE for money.

Anyway, we went up and immediately moved through Jo's house, giving the roses to all the mum's and godmothers. My mum took the flower and was like "awww, so sweet. Hah? Must go out? Wait wait, finish this game of mahjong first." And I was like "..."

Took a few pictures. Must upload them. Gave Mum my present for her, the nice little pendant. It's seriously damn nice. A heart in a heart in a heart. Confusing? Maybe I'll upload a picture of it sometime. Like never. Depends on when I get off my lazy ass to get to it.

Today got off to a bad start. Early morning saw me and my mum getting worked up at each other. She was scolding me for leaving my VIP application in a mess, not to mention incomplete. I flared up because she kept scolding me for the same thing: Irresponsiblity. I couldn't help it! I know I was wrong, but it was like she was accusing me of being irresponsible over and over and over again. I shouted back, and wanted to, and almost cried, fighting to suppress the tears.

"You're so irresponsible! Why can't you be responsible like those who do their work on time, pass up their stuff?"
"I'm TRYING TO! You can't expect me to just transform into a completely responsible person can you? I'm already trying to be a better person (This is the point where I almost cried) but no one NOTICES OR CARES!"

I knew she knew that I was on the verge of breaking down already. So she softened up a bit, told me to go and start getting all the stuff together.

Anyways, skipping the unhappy bits, we finally finished up the stupid thing, then went to McDonald's for breakfast. Then then then, I went to cut my hair. And now it looks so spiffy when gel'd, and so not spiffy when not gel'd. In fact, when it's not gel'd, it looks horrible!

Tomorrow KCVS rehearsals resume. I still haven't bought black socks dammit! Hopefully my black ankle socks with grey patches will suffice for now...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

YAY SURVEY!

Survey [ Thanks to Si Cheng/Hansen. Go fight for the credit you guys ]

50 Questions

Truth-
1. Do you like anyone?: Of course. Some, more than others
2. Do they know it?: I think so.
3. Simple or complicated?: Simple. Complicated is just too...er...complex?

In the Last Month-
4. Had sex: Never.
5. Bought something: YES! Pendant for mum, books, cds! WOO HOO!
6. Gotten sick?: Gastric. Flu. Pregnantnahjustkidding.
8. Felt dumb?: Yes...Last Thursday especially.
9. Talked to an ex?: No
10. Missed someone?: Yep
11. Failed a test: NO AHAHAHAHAHA.
12. Ate cereal: HONEY STARS! WOO HOO! I'M HIGH ON HONEY STARS
13. Danced crazy: Yes, but only when there's no one around...
14. Got your hair cut?: No, but I'm going to get my nicer hair cut tomorrow. The stupid barber better not screw up again. I'll sue him.


Unique-
16. Nervous habits?: Blank my mind, instantly.
18. Can you roll your tongue?: No. -Tries, desperately-. Damn, no.'
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: Yes. But I seem to be better with my right eyebrow than my left.
20. Can you cross your eyes?: I have no idea...
21. Do you make your bed daily: Nope. I'm a lazy swine.
22. Do you think you are unique: Who isn't. Anyway, at the risk of sounding cliche, "everyone's unique is just another way of saying no one is unique".

Have you Ever-
23. Given money to a homeless person?: Regularly
24. Said "I Love you"?: Who doesn't? Everyone needs love.
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: Yes. Yes. YES!
27. And never got it?: Nope. If I even wait, then that means I really trust that person.
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Yeah. Several times. Really really beautiful I tell you, just gives you this surreal feeling. Kinda makes you wanna cry too as emotions long suppressed swell up.

Manners-
29. Do you swear?: Hell yeah.
30. Do you ever "talked back" to people?: Almost all the time.
31. You cook your own food?: Not unless I absolutely have to
32. You do your own chores?: Nope.
33. You like beef jerky?: Waddat?
34. You like pepsi or coke?: Both.
35. You're happy with your hair?: NOOOO. I'm going to get my new shorter hair tomorrow!
36. You own a dog?: No. I want one!
38. Do you like to swim?: Yeah, kinda. I like to be actually playing or taking part in sports, but I can't stand watching them.
39. When you get bored do you call a friend?: Yep.
40. Are you patient?: Usually. Unless it's like completely urgent, like I-need-it-now-or-I'll-blow-up-into-pieces urgent. Then I'll turn into this psycho that SCREAMS at you to hurry up.

Do you Prefer-
41. Flowers or candy?: Candy. Flowers. Both are nice.
42. Gray or black?: Black.
43. Color or black and white photos?: Color I guess. But monochrome can sometimes bring a level of emotion or "feel" that color cannot.
44. red or black?: Black
45. Lust or Love?: Love. Why Lust when you can just Love
46. Winter or Summer?: Winter. Beautiful beautiful pure white snow.
47. Tea or coffee?: Coffee. 1 part coffee: 5 parts sugar. Helps me to sleep. No joking.
48. Ice cream or Cake?: BOTH!
49. Christmas or Thanksgiving?: Christmas.I know it's selfish, but...LE PRESENTS!
50. Day or night?: Mmmm...Difficult question. Day is when I can go out and really have fun, partying and stuff. Night is when reflections and the more personal fun ( Not masturbation you sick fags ) comes in. But I'd have to say...Night. Emotional > Physical

Thursday, May 11, 2006

PARTAY!

Adeeb - "Where's Mr Maran?"
Me - "He said meet him at 10.30. 10.30! I'M ALREADY LATE!"
Adeeb - "How about Miss Koh?"
Me - " Oh, her I can't find. I tried SMS'ing her, but predictably, she hasn't replied. And that was 10 minutes ago."
Adeeb - "Maybe she's busy."
Me - "Listen Adeeb. I need those letters of recommendation. Now unless Miss Koh is in a meeting, I don't care if she's getting married, I don't care if she's getting executed! I WANT THAT DAMN LETTER!"

Secondary 2 Victorians, I am very pleased to announce that our EXAMS ARE OVER! LET'S PARTY!

But first, the Mother Tongue paper today was so difficult. Seriously. I can only say with 100% certainty that I didn't get a single wrong for the first section. Which is worth 5 marks. 5 bloody pathetic marks. Argh! On the other hand, our two chinese passages were really really nice. Especially the first one, so touching! I felt the emotions welling up in me as I read the passage.

After the paper, went frantic trying to get my letters of recommendation for VIP. Then went with Bob, Kevin and Clement to Tampines . I couldn't find a SK Jewellery ( P.S IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO THE BLOODY STATION!"), so I went to Citigems instead.

I guess that would be a case of serendipity. Not only did I find a nicer pendant for $148 ( a mere $9 more), but Citigems was having this special promotion. They give a pendant worth $88 to you when you spend more than $100 there, in one receipt I suppose. So people, if you're still looking for a Mother's Day present ( SHAME ON YOU!), go Citigems!

Went Mos Burger for lunch. The cheeseburger had a very very strong taste of onions. Even after removing the onions. The Iced Milk Tea ( Apparently, just Ice Lemon Tea ) was pretty nice, quite sweet, just the way I like it. But then, Clement had to go Tako Pachi and came back with Octopus Balls! EWWWW! GROSS! And then he was like so weirded out, couldn't understand why I shudder at the sight of octopus balls, but can remain calm and even bored while watching a video on abortion.

The arcade at Century Square ( I think that's the name ), sucks. Big time. Did spend about 5 minutes playing some nice shooting game with Bob, Kevin and Mervin until I died. Twice. I can't shoot! I must buy shooting games and practise until I can get a headshot with my eyes close. Somehow! Then went to play the demo of Kameo: something something something. That game is nice, I think I'll buy it if my exam results are satisfactory...

Went for the movie later - Mission Impossible 3. It was really a big disappointment. It was not very thrilling, and I simply did not feel the emotion. Also, I know Mr Tom Cruise is the star of the show and all, but we didn't need to spend half the bloody show staring at his face. We know he's handsome and all, but really...

Oh yes! I forgot to bring my card for Aikido today! DAMN! $15 gone! EXCLAMATION MARK!!! Practice today wasn't so bad, hell, it was actually nice. I think I'm getting the hang of the damn forward Ukemi but I'm still bashing my left shoulder. And Su Joong ( I think that's how you spell it. It could very well be Soo-Jeong) rocks. She skipped 2 grades to yellow belt. But you know since adults like me ( and Jo-ann dammit!) go straight to Blue belt after grading... >= 3.

Ahhhh, it's already 12. Better go sleep. I'm going bowling with Clement, Adeeb, Ridha, Charlie, Travis and Mervin ( I think. Hmmm, seem to be having a lot of those recently ) tomorrow at Tampines Safra. Can't wait to kick ass.

LOL.

Probably get MY ass kicked.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Music List!

-After Maths Paper-

Nicholas - "Eh, what's your answer for Question 6?"
Me - "Oh the one where you can't find the values of X and Y? I HATE THAT QUESTION HOW CAN THEY ASK US NOT TO FIND X AND Y ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN TRAINED TO FIND X AND Y ARGHHHHHHH!"
-Starts hyper-ventilating-
Nicholas - "Ooo...kay..."


Just one more exam paper to go people! Well, for Sec 2s anyway. (Higher) Mother Tongue tomorrow, good luck to everyone taking the exam!

I know I screwed up the Biology paper. I found it so freaking difficult. All the questions on sex...so mind-boggling. I suck at memorizing stuff! I mean, it just gets crammed into your head and then...then you just feel so stressed thinking "OMG WHATIFIDON'TREMEMBEROMGOMGOMGOMG!"

The rest of the papers were easy though. History was actually decent, but I know I lost marks in the MCQ. SBQ was crap, but I'm pretty sure I scored well for the SEQ. Literature was quite easy. Oh yes, UNSEEN PROSE MY ASS LAH! Miss Koh took it straight from the Short Story Harvest! THANK someone that I just read it the day before since I was SOOOOO bored. Had a major headache after the paper though, like someone was using a sledgehammer to pound my skull. Maths was way way way easier than I had anticipated. AGAIN, I know I lost marks due to carelessness. Didn't factorize a few questions completely. ARGH! CARELESS MISTAKES! I HATE MYSELF! The English Paper was without doubt, the hardest paper I had for SA. The comprehension was ok, but the summary was so hard. Everytime I think I can score well, the summary bites me in the ass.

Woo hoo, after the last paper tomorrow, going to go SK to buy my mum a nice pendant. I have my eye on the $129 and $139 one. Yet I know that I can never possibly repay my mum for all that she's done for me. Still, I can try! Arranged with Randall, Nigel, Kegan and forced Jo-ann to order a cake, brownies and roses for Friday when we meet at Jo's house.

Can't wait for the KC-VS drama practices to resume. Everytime I think of the performance on 22nd May, just a mere one week away, my heart twists with nervousness. Nevertheless, I'm sure that we'll all put up a stellar performance!

Oh well, time to go mug for Chinese. Last exam, must do well for it to make up for the Biology screw-up. Must go collect letter of recommendation from Miss Koh and Mr Maran tomorrow too.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Emotions

Edna - "I'm high on porridge!"

Had a long talk with Hansen just now. Let it suffice to say that it really made me think about who I am...And I came to a conclusion...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for a lot of things that I've done...

I'm sorry for being an asshole...

I'm sorry for being overbearing...

I'm sorry for all the nasty, sarcastic remarks I've made...

I'm sorry for all the emotional pain I've caused...

I'm sorry for all the physical pain I've caused...

I'm sorry for hurting those who care about me...

I'm sorry for hurting those who love me...

I'm sorry for hurting those who I love...

I'm sorry...

I've realized that I've hurt a lot of people in my life.

But really...

Did anyone think about why I am me?

Why am I the way I am?

My life isn't what people think it is. It's not just play, play play.

I grew up being taunted and teased. Among my cousins, I was often the one who got the worst. Then I received a nickname.

They think it's funny. They think it's so nice that they can call me that. They think it's so nice that I get angry, that I get pissed off.

BUT IT'S NOT! I'M NOT FINE WITH IT! YOU GUYS THINK THAT IT'S SO DAMN FUNNY? THAT YOU DON'T EVEN CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME ANYMORE? DO YOU KNOW THAT IT TEARS AT SOMEONE'S EMOTIONS TO KNOW THAT THEIR COUSINS DON'T CARE? Do you know what it's like to feel that way? I bet you don't. What's more, I bet none of you EVEN CARE!

Primary School. P1~P4 was ok. But enter P5, people started to call me gay. At first...I shrugged it off. But it gets to you...No matter how emotionally strong someone is, it will begin to eat away at you. At first, you start to feel sad for no reason. Then it'll become sudden outbursts. I tried telling them to stop. Does it work? NO!

Secondary school. Straight off the bat, 5 people start calling me gay. Again, I shrug it off. It continues, I still try to ignore it. Finally, I can't take it anymore. I go up to them, tell them to stop. What happens? They laugh.

Then one day, we're playing cards after the exams. One of them whacks me on the head with the drum sticks. Irritatedly, I bat them away. Then suddenly, this punch strikes me on the side of the head. Rage boils up within me, but I restrain myself. I want to strike back, I want to retaliate. I WANT REVENGE FOR EVERYTHING HE'S DONE! But I still hold myself back, telling myself that I must be mature, that I must control myself. I refuse to become like him!

But you can't always do that. Sooner or later, you just break. You put on a facade, pretend. But inside, you're really this bitter person who just wants to release all the negative emotions. But yet, I can't.

I don't cut myself much slack. Even simple, tiny little mistakes can really affect me...But I still know that it's my fault. After all, almost everything in my life has been somehow MY FAULT!

It was MY fault that I got an eye infection.
It was MY fault that I got a nickname because of that stupid infection
It was MY fault that my cousins regard that nickname as my real name
It was MY fault that I was called gay in primary school
It was MY fault that I am called gay in Secondary School
It was MY fault that I've become what I am today
It was MY fault that I've become this bitter person

IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT ISN'T IT?

Mmmmm, survey thing

Mmmm, some "how guai are you" survey thing taken from Hansen's blog

* = I've done it

1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol *
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
11) taken pain killers *
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine *
13) lied to your parents *
14) lied to a friend *
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal *
17) cut yourself *
18) hurt someone *
19) wished someone to die *
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9

21) missed curfew *
22) stayed out all night *
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself *
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap *
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 4

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something *
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room *
51) snuck into someone else's room *
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert *
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut *
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror *
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush *
TOTAL: 7

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall *
64) skipped school *
65) had an eating disorder *
66) had an injury *
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire ******************************************
70) lied about your age *
TOTAL: 6

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger *
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed *
TOTAL: 2

81) met face to face with someone you met online *
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight *
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight *
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight *
85) been to a fair *
86) been called a bad influence *
87) cursed *
88) prank called someone *
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 8

91) cheated on homework *
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex *
93) been pushed into a pool *
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight *
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you <<>
97) had a crush on someone younger than you *
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt *
TOTAL: 6

Grand total: 40

Wah...I'm so guai de. But this test doesn't really test how evil you are >=3