Sunday, December 27, 2009



i really should be sleeping now, considering it's 0139 and there's church later.

christmas 09 has come and gone. i think this has been one of the most special christmases in my life. Not only because most of the family came back from overseas where they're studying and stuff, but also because of the stuff I've learnt during christmas.

yeah, it's really not about the presents and stuff. i need to remember, i've got to remember, i tell myself that this is what I really should be remembering: that it's really about the greatest gift of all, for today He was born to us to save us. Our Blessed Saviour.

yet it seems to be a whirlwind-frenzy of shopping-shopping-partying-shopping and stuff. Not that i really mind, but I feel like I've not forked out enough time to spend with God, alone. I feel myself drifting away slowly and slowly. The fire's dwindled to embers, the embers to mere glows. it's so close to being extinguished, yet it's maintained by that one stubborn last strand that reminds me, everyday, that I'm a child of God and I'm loved by Him. To let this last strand go would be worse than death.

it's not just this life that I should be concerned about. How about the life that comes after this? Left Behind reminded me, painfully, of the bitter awareness that I am nowhere as 'holy' as I would like to be. around me, i see people giving themselves to Christ, consecrating themselves in his name (though my eyebrows are raised at several methods) and inviting Him into their lives.

yet I'm not doing that. I'm going through this on my own, stubbornly refusing to be vulnerable and admit my dependence upon Him. it sickens me, it really sickens me. and it's exacerbated by the knowledge that He has already forgiven me.

I don't deserve him. What have I done to deserve His never failing, never ending love? I've done nothing worthy of that.

I need to remember who I'm living for. I'm living because of the greatest present given to me, bestowed before I was even born.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009



Hadi and Hannah, I'M SO HAPPY YOU GUYS ARE BACK! MISS YOU LOADS!

Okay, now that that's out of the way.

looking forward to the 48-hour marathon that's the 24th and 25th of December. I'm talking 48 hours with maybe 3 hours of sleep in between. okay, so it's not as bad as OGL Camp but it's not a camp. It'll be 48 hours of like pure unadulterated fun!

jamming with Hadi yesterday was <3. Angel and Boston are our official songs now. Hopefully we can let the other councillors hear during the Xmas party in preparation for Soiree next year =)

Sunday, December 20, 2009



okay i'm bored out of my mind.
really really bored.

couldn't go out with the councillors today to go Finale Shopping cause of that. not that it's really a bad thing, just really bad timing. N2 outing on 18th was postponed and now the 101 Callisto Island outing on the 21st (which I finally remembered about) is postponed too. rawr.

i am a sad boy. i wantz mahjong.

...
and yes my life is a crisis.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009



No I'm not blogging about Africa trip. It was like 9 days long. Hell no.

but it's nice to be back in lovely Singapore, really missed the people here.

nothing much to update really. cassandra's going to reach singapore tomorrow morning so i'm still figuring out where to go tomorrow haha. thaipan for dinner's a definite, it's just the whole in-between part that's difficult. sigh. singapore's so damn boring. ah wells.

africa photos should be up on fb soon i hope. must... remember.

...
and yes, I'm tanner now.

Thursday, December 03, 2009



3 hours to the airport
5 hours to the flight.
eternity till i see the councillors again.

never realized how much i love council.
until i realized that my face was cool with the tears trickling down as i left ogl camp.

it's 5.14 am
sweet lord, why am I awake?

well, the day's finally here. the 3 days that marks the culmination of all our blood, sweat, tears and bitching. not to mention late late nights spent rushing proposals and proposals and proposals and yup, more proposals.

i guess i could sound a little more excited. but it's 5.16 am and i'm not exactly in the perkiest of moods right about now. i'm excited; it'd be weird if I wasn't, but it's kinda with mixed feelings that I walk towards OGL camp.

like what another councillor has said, sometimes it's become mechanical. where we're just rushing to meet deadlines, deadlines and more deadlines.

maybe that sounds offensive. like we're trivializing the whole process and disregarding our personal efforts and goals. i'm not. if anything, i want to praise it. i think some people have put in extraordinary amounts of effort into this camp and it shows (even if it's by the stress lines on their forehead) in the work produced.

and maybe, at 5.26 am, it's time to go bathe and prepare.
God's blessings be upon us.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009



i think mr hon was correct =)

sometimes we're just so trapped by the circumstances that we're in, that we forget to step back and look at what we're doing. and even when we do that, we still can't see the bigger picture.

but i think mr hon missed out something important.

that it's not really the circumstances that matter. but rather how we choose to react to those circumstances. perhaps this is being idealistic, but we choose how we want to react. whether we rise to meet it with determination and grit, or with despondence and resignation, it's a choice that we make. yeah, those around us influence those decisions, but it's ultimately our choice.

choice.

something that we don't often think we have. yet i try to constantly remind myself that i am responsible for how i react. if i choose to see it positively, it will be. and of course, the opposite applies.

never forgetting, of course, that God up there is always watching over me. it's funny sometimes, how i think that i can only turn to him in times of trouble. it's both a 'tribute' and an insult. the former because it seems that he is more 'powerful' than me; the latter because I already know that God loves me so so so so so much more than I can ever imagine and that He should be the one I turn to for all my needs, for all my wants, for all my life.

i hope that the choices i make will keep this Council together. there's a sense of foreboding that cannot be dispelled in my heart, an awful picture that we're survivors of a sinking ship desperately clinging to flotsams that drift ever further and further apart. i don't want us to drift apart; i want us to be together.

it's not that there's safety in numbers.
it's because I love them so much that I want to be with them, no matter what happens.
Sink or swim, we'll do it together.

cause we'll walk from the game with pride and fame
we feel no fear, we feel no pain.

sometimes it's difficult to adequately express how much I love my friends. it frustrates me, sometimes, that they'll never be able to see the depth of my heart.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009



I'm sitting next to Tan Wei Yeat.
My life is win =)