Sunday, April 25, 2010



this is, of course, going to come off as me being pretentious, pompous and unfairly elitist.
and maybe so.

some people should be banned from being allowed to talk to me
while i do my best to show care and concern for issues that people approach me with,
there are simply some issues that i cannot bring myself to even fake the slightest concern for.
and people who attempt to drown me in such drivel should be punched in the face.
and because it's him.
he should be punched, hard.

...
and yes, i am somewhat frustrated.

Thursday, April 22, 2010



people've been wondering why i'm so tired lately.
especially after council.
oh the irony.

i'm tired.
cause i don't wanna sleep
cause i dream of the times gone by
cause i get up at 3 am to read the letters and cards
cause i love them too much
cause i wake up with my pillow wet
cause i am part of the Sevens.

my chest felt like it was on fire during morning assembly
it's weird being in morning assembly
as opposed to, you know
doing morning assembly.

i couldn't breathe for a while
something just caught in my throat
but i must smile
though my heart is aching
i must smile
though my heart is breaking

...
and yes, i find that life's still worthwhile if i just smile.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

oh silly lino
why do you look so sad
why do you sit there
councillor badge in hand
crimson flower blooming
leaves of red

oh silly lino
why do you not wipe away the rivulets
that trickle down.
the flower will fade
as will the pain
all passes with time

oh silly lino
memories are eternal
happiness is forever kept
why do you fear separation
when brothers and sister stand by your side
ready with you to the end.

oh silly lino
what is there to fear
with his love as thy armour
with his love as thy shield
with her love as thy sword
what is there to fear?

...
and yes, there is nothing to fear.

Sunday, April 18, 2010



being early for the dinner with kitmeng, alvin and kenneth today gave me (more than) ample time to wander the meandering roads of Serangoon Garden. Saw a lot of interesting houses and the lack of a camera was sorely felt. And because I wanna blog but have absolutely nothing noteworthy of blogging, i shall go into great detail about dinnner.

Borhsch Steakhouse for dinner wasn't too bad. at $13.80++ for an appetizer, soup, main course, dessert and drinks, it does sound too good to be true. in truth, you do get all these but with the necessarily small portions to match that low-low price tag.

Given the choice of Cavier with Egg or Shrimp Cocktail, I elected to start off dinner with the caviar appetizer. I wasn't expecting a huge lump of caviar which is good because I didn't get one. It was a simple hard-boiled egg topped with the barest pinch of caviar sitting atop base of shredded lettuce and a tomato wedge. Needless to say, whatever taste caviar may have was quite undetectable in such miniscule amounts.

The Mushroom Soup wasn't too bad, thick and creamy with a substantial amount of mushroom slices to keep a mushroom-lover like me happy. of course, the amount of mushroom might not be normally distributed since i couldn't double-check with any of my companions who ordered the Borhsch Soup, the namesake and presumably signature dish of the restaurant tasting remarkably like minestrone. Having to choose which of the two tastes nicer would be quite difficult but I'd really go with the Borhsch Soup when all's said and done, mushroom soup is easily found but the German dish isn't quite so readily available.

My Sirloin Steak arrived with a dollop of butter (startlingly similar to the one for McDonalds' HotCakes), some french fries (about 7 to 8 sticks), fried onions and long beans. Everything tasted decent, the steak was both well-portioned and nicely cooked (I ordered medium-rare) with the butter adding a matching and subtle sweetness. Only Kenneth ordered something deviant from ours, a Pepper Steak that was just not as good as the Sirloin for some reason.

Dessert was a Peach Melba, a small scoop of vanilla ice-cream topped with 3-4 peach wedges. Nothing bad nor remarkable about it, it tasted exactly as one would think it does - vanilla-and-peach'ly.

Had real ice-cream at the nearby McDonalds where I indulged in a Hot Fudge Sundaes, one of the many criminals that will be responsible for my ever-rising weight and downwards spiral into obesity.

All in all, it was a pleasant night. Great company, decent food. And I'm really really tired so Imma stop here and go to bed.

...
and yes, i can't believe it's just 3 days away.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010



actually i'm still kinda lost for words as to the birthday celebrations.
so, unlike most of my other posts, i'll just do a chronology of the day (13th April 2010) first and let's see what interesting thoughts pop into my mind as I blog.

well, i woke up. no surprises there eh. brushed my teeth. the mirror didn't wish me happy birthday; neither did the shower. i was quite upset.

after changing and mouse-hunting at 0630 (as all normal people do), ate breakfast which was leftover chocolate cake from my birthday. this chocolate cake would soon come to be an important and integral part of my birthday celebrations as I would later find out.

P.S: For all you non-litterateurs out there, this is foreshadowing.

Reached school and got a birthday hug from WeiYeat which was win. Great way to start the school morning =) Other councillors came and wished me happy birthday. A grin lay fixed on my face for about 10 minutes as a stream of fans and well-wishers proclaimed their joy at my birth 18 years ago.

Timo and IvanNgKittyKittyMooMoo (henceforth referred to as Ivan) gave me a chocolate cake and a seal stuff toy which I promptly named Snubbles. the chocolate cake was lovely and i ate two bites before deciding that I really couldn't eat another bite of cake or else I'd die from chocolate poisoning. Soooo, I shared it with the Councillors.

Which is not to say that I didn't like the cake! But for me, I just felt that sharing the cake was really a way for me to share my birthday with all the people I love =) Cause the cake is kinda representative of all my happiness and joy and elation and what not and sharing it is just like sharing the luv. Note that it's nothing like holy communion, please don't accuse me of heresy. Being hunted down by an angry mob with pitchforks and torches isn't on my to-do list now.

Sat together with XinEr, Dori, Melissa, Wee Chong and ChindeeBear during Econs. Cause we do exciting and revolutionary things like that. Ms Quek sat down a row from us but she didn't wish me happy birthday, perhaps still miffed from the 2.6% A-rate from the MBTs.

Turns out that Snubbles (For those with STM, scroll up) came it pretty useful. Due perhaps to my excitement and anticipation of the day, I had very little sleep the night before. Halfway during most of the days' tutorials, I used Snubbles as a pillow. He was deliciously soft, if a bit furry and nose-tickling. I sneezed a fair bit.

Math Lecture held a mind-blowing surprise. Jem's exclamation of "Wei Yeat' (in a voice slightly softer than that of a Boeing747) made me look up as we entered the depths of LT4. Seeing my own face leering back at me was quite a shock. Learning that Hadi and Hannah were walking around with similar pictures and sorta-different captions was a HUGE surprise. My face was red for the entire Maths lecture.

Jongolia wished me happy birthday during lunch. miracles do happen.
by lunch, i also experienced the joys of facial cramps from smiling too much.

Councillors gathered in the Parade Square in an "L" formation to sing me happy birthday (after singing twice in the morning). Even though I kinda 'found out' about it because the 'secret message' was typed out on Microsoft Word on my laptop, it was still just a pleasant a surprise as it would have been. Mr Hon surprised me with a leap onto my back from behind as I was on the couch grinning loonily at the councillors below. My spine is now undergoing therapy.

I locked the councillors out from the room, allowing Mr Hon to begin his bag-inverting rampage. ZombieLand/Left 4 Dead (2) and their zombies have NOTHING on a horde of panicked councillors hammering on the council room door to retrieve their bags before Honzilla attacked. Opening the door taught me that crowds can be quite hazardous to one's health, particularly if said crowd swarms over you in a mad attempt to protect their barang-barang. There was also a (failed) taupok attempt which was basically just Kenneth attempting to violently sexually-violate me with his legs.

Dinner'ed at Manhattan Fish Market with them three siblings. they put the card in placards and honestly, just reading the cards they wrote would have dissolved a lesser man to tears.

Hadi gave me his present. I damn near teared.

Dinner was my treat. Not in the sense that I treated them, but because dinner, with my 3 siblings, was a treat for me.

Looking back at my birthday this year, I still feel that I'm at a loss of words to sum it up.
Because really, some things just can't be summed up in a few words.

Today,
someone asked me how I know God exists.
I answered: "Because I know love."
He asked: "How do you know what is love?"

I think of Wei Yeat, Hannah and Hadi.

...
and yes, I know God sent me them because He loves me.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010



some days are just too good to be blogged about.
and nothing i can type, in my current state of mind, could do justice to today.
so i shall leave the blogging to tomorrow, when i'm more able to think straight.
because right now, all i wanna do is just go look at everything i've been through today
and the placards
and the guitar pick.
and wonder what i've done in this life.
to deserve this happiness.

...
and yes, i love my siblings.

Sunday, April 11, 2010



Here's how the 1st part of my tripartite 18th Birthday celebrations went:

Friday, 9th April

1. Reached home after council'ing at about 10pm
2. Drank wine
3. Ate tiramisu

Saturday, 10th April

1. Woke up to find out I slept for 10 hours after Friday's events.
2. Slacked/Did a bit of Lit report
   
3. Lunch
4. Slept another 2 hours
5. Played games for a while
6. Thaipan =)
7. Mahjong =) =)
8. ALL NEW BANANAGRAM =) =) =)
9. Haagen-Daaz ice-cream.

tis a good day.
oh, and happy birthday shuyin (if you ever read this blog)

...
and yes, i'm sure even more fun and joy awaits =)

Tuesday, April 06, 2010



a night's rest has therapeutic wonders.
gah. anger is futile =(

and now it's another 3 period break. though one has but passed and my next break is taken up by The Tempest - Meet the Cast session. And I'm kinda hungry but I'm not in the mood to eat.

I wish one of The Three of them would come by. cause i've got stuff weighing down upon me, stuff that makes my heart so heavy that I want to puke. yeah, thank Hadi for that quote. seriously though.

I think it's really annoying when people tell me news that they feel is important; and that they feel i should feel is important. my friend told me that apparently 'most' of the j1s have a bad impression of me. and this friend said it with an expression that very clearly anticipated a reaction from me.

"Heyyy you know, most of the J1s right... they have a bad impression of you!"
"Uhhh okay."
"Dude you don't care?"
"No."
"Dude, it's the J1s man, they-"
"I already said I don't care."
"You're such a loser man, seriously."
"Because I don't care about some hearsay regarding some people who don't matter that much to me? Or because I'm not giving you the reaction you want?"

I find it amusing that that "friend" thinks it's normal for me to be concerned. it bewilders me, honestly. why should I care about people who, in 1 months' time, will be of neither matter nor concern to me, who I will probably never encounter again once i leave MJC and if I do encounter, will probably not remember anything anyway. so seriously, why should i care how a bunch of people, who don't know jacksquat about me and whom I, on my part, don't see a reason to care for, see me? i don't care, I don't care. I. Don't. Care.

I know I'm loved. That's the only armour and sword I need to soldier on.

...
and yes, sometimes i feel like i need to be stronger.

Monday, April 05, 2010



so many things on my mind, I'm not even sure where to start. so let's take it slow, let's start from go.

well, i got back Maths MBTs today. Here's the good and the bad.
Good: I topped the class (SHOCK!)
Bad: I got 22%.

Needless to say, there's a real 啼笑皆非 situation here. Of course, the tutors/lecturers are all preaching that laughing at such a situation indicates that you're not taking it seriously. in all honesty, i am morbidly and painfully aware of just how terrible 22% is, in absolute terms though. But it's this whole serious seriousness that tickles me.

okay, not that you'd know, but i just endured a half-an-hour talk with my mum. and yet another unreasonable demand from my dad. no surprise for that one; it's not like i was expecting my dad to reason with me. because he has a maths degree, and that means that I must be able to do maths. even if I am obviously arts-inclined; even if I am juggling 3 times the subjects that my dad had to handle, one subject of which is Maths which I have already proven over the past 17 years that I hate and am absolutely incompetent in. because he has a maths degree.

by that logic, my kids better be able to analyze poems, love lit, be able to sing and play the piano by the time they're 17. they should also join council, have a love for fun things in life with a oft-abandoned sense of caution and be carefree.

i hate it when my dad looks at my results in the most |Absolute| of terms. because given the (not-so-) hypothetical situation where I get 50% but am still first in the class, i still get scolded. Because 50% is 'crap'. I could do a Master's paper on Literature, get 25% and still be reprimanded. Because that stupid number is all that matters. Because it doesn't matter if half the cohort has got a U, most of them WORSE Us than mine. Because somehow or another, I need to top Lit. And Maths. And Econs. And KI. And probably PW and Chinese too.

Why?
"Because other people can".
Again, by that logic, everyone should be identical. Because everyone should be able to sing since someone can; everyone should be able to produce Mozart's works or Van Gogh's masterpieces. Because they are that magical someone who can. And since they can, other people can.

i hate it when my dad uses such utterly-fallacious logic. it offends me, not just because I take KI and can rip that argument to shreds in about a second, but because it does not even present itself as a coherent argument in the first place. because other people are able to score well in Maths (And this is assuming that they're not just good in only maths and failing the hell out of other subjects) i should thus be able to do so. I have to be just as good as the BEST person around in any given area.

in that case, why don't my parents earn enough money so that i live in a mansion with 7 floors, with 10 butlers, three swimming pools, a collection of 17 of the world's rarest and limited edition cars. and while i'm at it, i could use a unicorn, a dragon and the ability to transmute metals into gold. because, barring the last three, the other things are possible. Someone else can. Why can't he?

of course that "logic" (Note the inverted commas people) isn't going to stand well with him. Thus:
1) I'm back-sassing (Illogical; I am merely using his own line of logic to ask him a question that is based completely upon the pseudo-empirical/pseudo-rational foundations that he lay)
2) He's working the best he can (Not true, I don't think he works 24 hours a day; thus not the best he can. humane conditions don't count in the definition of 'best' that we live by so we don't have to worry about such trifles).

yes, i am aware that there is a false dichotomy present in the above paragraph. there are multitudes of equally-or-more illogical options that he could choose. for those who can produce a decently well-reasoned (ethically please) option that he can take, feel free to tell me. because otherwise, as far as results are concerned, i'm going to just accept that my dear father is an incredibly unreasonable man who is far too swept up in my flaws to understand that I am not planning a career in Maths, the Uni Course I'm aiming for does not even list Maths as a requirement, and I absolutely hate Maths. By far, the last reason is the strongest.

i've no longer the mood to blog at length about my other thoughts; sorry people, you'll have to make do with a summarized version. I'm tired, pissy and overall frustrated with how the lovely day has been ruined by a crappy night.

• I still love Council with all my heart. and if anyone, ANYONE ever dares to seriously say I would have been better off without Council... That person is just not worth talking to anymore.
  
• I love KHO dance and every time I perform it, it fills my heart with overwhelming emotions.
  
• Like many others, I think the education system in Singapore is incredibly unfair. However, I'm unable to propose any better system and shall thus settle for grumbling.
• I love Hannah, Wet and Hadi.
  
• The three above - I initially wanted to acronym'ize to HWH before realizing that it seemed rather demeaning that I was completely willing to type out their names in full (except for Wet) but didn't want to just for convenience's sake.
• Because it's the big things we do that build the friendship
• But it's the small things we do that keep our love for each other strong.

...
and yes, I can't wait to move out of my house.

Sunday, April 04, 2010



Cause with all that I've done wrong.
I must have done something right
To deserve their love every morning
and butterfly kisses
at night.

...
and yes, i love them all so much =)

Saturday, April 03, 2010



exams are over
yet i'm still studying
the As
the sheer horror of the As.

many things to post about, far too tired to.
results rawr.
ki =(

...
and yes i got a C for KI