Sunday, December 14, 2008



Yes, Lino is back, back again. Lino's back, tell a friend.

Kidding. Kudos to anyone who gets the reference. Tag on my tagboard and you can get an e-cookie or a hug.

I officially live for Sundays. Or specifically, for church stuff. Church is awesome, it's awesomely awesome. It's just freaking awesome can? I wish everyday was Sunday, then I could meet up with the churchies every Sunday.

Then again, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. This is like the time I was strongly advised to stop playing computer games during exams. This is communist bananacrap which I thoroughly ignored and would have played computer games for 8 hours straight if it weren't for ADD.

On a side note, the best-selling Twilight series has been adapted into a movie. While it still puzzles me how Miss Stephanie Meyer's sad excuse of a book has managed to murder the brain cells of many many sick sad fools over the world, it now completely baffles me how this book has been adapted into a movie at all given that Twilight's characters have all the personality and depth of a rotting potato and that 95% of the book is basically Ms Meyer describing her inane sexual fantasies of a well-built, chiselled vampire that glitters in the damn sunlight. That's right, the vampire effing glitters.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the old idea that vampires more or less spontaneously combust in the presence of sunlight. Ms Meyer however, is not satisfied with reaching a level of mass (syntax) genocide that would make Hitler cry himself to sleep. She has decided that in addition to over-describing every 16-year old girl's wet dream for pages and pages on end, a girl character will be introduced. This girl character, much like the protagonist, is a brainless one-dimensional bitch who's apparent sole purpose in life is to stalk this vampire and marry him, thereby sealing her fate as a character doomed to be killed off in Chapter 1 of any fanfic.

Ms Meyer, in one amazingly stupid move, has ensured every girl who has had the misfortune to read Twilight will now have the one and only goal of finding a dreamboat hunk to marry. I will assume that after this wonderful shotgun marraige, these poor girls will sit around and wait for Ms Meyer to release a new book that will instruct them on what to do after they are unhappily married. Perhaps Ms Meyer has found the key to world domination; by mind-controlling the most powerful and brainless force on the planet known as the fangirls, should Ms Meyer ever wish to conquer the world, she will be unstoppable.

If you haven't got my point by now, Twilight is the equivalent of a steaming pile of dung. Do not, for the sake of all that is pure and holy, watch the stupid movie or read the stupid book.

In any case, church today was very awesome as usual. The absence of a noticeable amount of people was deeply regretted and missed; however life must move on just as Oprah must chase butter. On the bright side, Darius and IvanNg came today. Ivan, at first glance, appeared to be wearing a pink t-shirt which I was ready to approve of. However, upon closer examination, it was revealed to be a white t-shirt. My feelings were deeply cheated by this revelation. This would later conjure up memories of realizing that unlike Pokemon, it's considered morally wrong and impossible to throw away any child I am dissatisfied with and cycling up and down again for 5 minutes till a new egg comes out. This disturbing memory however, is a story for another day or therapy session.

Lifegroup was really fun. We didn't have much a lesson today, but instead got down to writing cards for the (K)KF(S)C youths to invite them for our Christmas Party. Darius and I were paired up to write to some chinese guy. Now while I was slightly perturbed at the thought of writing a letter in the format that clearly defied what my english textbook and teachers have tried so hard to hammer endlessly into my head, Robin assured me that this letter format was indeed acceptable. After re-confirming that MOE would not hunt me down and burn me at the stake for charges of treason or heresy along with the necessary encouraging smile from the huggylicious one, I nervously picked up my trusty pencil to wage syntax war with the card.

After the vicious battle, it became apparent that everyone was concerned that the card was treated with love and care. Meanwhile, my many physical and emotional wounds at penning this nefarious letter with a different format went unnoticed by anyone and everyone.

Service was good. This is an excuse to cover up for me falling asleep periodically during it.

Had lunch with too many people to name. Joshua, Bryan, Ivan and Jason are weird. Darius is huggylicious. I ate more than 50% of the food this time, a major accomplishment by my standards.

Carolling was fun. For some reason possibly related to drugs, I volunteered to sing Tenor. I found out just how bad this idea was soon enough as I strained to hit C4s and D4s in Hark! The Herald Angels Sing. After finishing the run-through, I felt somewhat light-headed, possibly another sign that I was drugged. Still, I am thankful that Jason, Joshua and Darius are all singing tenor parts as well. Perhaps after Kenneth helps me on Tuesday, I can hit C4s and D4s without feeling as though my vocal chords are being raped viciously.

Facebook's Pet Society is awesome. It's the family-friendly version of GTA 4 in a nutshell. The idea is simple. Create a pet out of bits and pieces that will never give you a complete species no matter how much you mix and match. Give this abomination a name ( I named my Bobbles, thereby consigning him to a virtual lifetime of endless ridicule ). Play with your pet, and as I was soon to find out, the word 'play' has an immense amount of sexual connotations associated with it.

Coins are the currency of this game and are used to buy clothes, furniture, toys and food. Education has curiously been left out here, perhaps to show the general population that if you eat cheap 5-coin mince pies, take baths and are scratched often enough, you will survive. You can give one of several toys to your pet to play with. When I started out, I was able to give my pet a ball to play with. It seemed to bore quickly of the ball, but was later pleased when I obtained a frisbee and skipping rope for it to play with. Clearly, my pet isn't into ball-playing.

Paw Points on the other hand function like EXP and are obtained through various interactions. Firstly, feeding, scratching or bathing your pet will give you the Paw Point and occasional coin, which makes me wonder if my pet isn't just storing coins away for itself the sneaky little bastard. Bathing and scratching in particular, will make your pet look like it's being inappropriately touched and is, disturbingly, enjoying this digital rape. Secondly, Paw Points can be achieved through interactions with other fugly critters. Kissing is one of these, netting you 20coins and 5 Paw Points for per kiss, per day. This is somewhat akin to the hooker system in GTA, except you don't have to kill the whore to get your money back. Telling a joke also gives you 5 paw points but no money, which is just like real-life comedians. Upon obtaining enough paw points by harassing your pet, your neigbours and the shop owners enough, you advance a level. This gives you more coins, a new/upgraded item and possibly a bigger house. Since it takes forever to accumulate enough coins to actually buy decent furniture, the early upgrade to the house size seems silly and I would much rather have more coins. Sadly, the conniving dope who thought of this game would like to see people spend real money to buy coins to buy furniture with. Smart.

And that's all for this post. Abrupt finish I know, but I'm done ^^