Monday, September 29, 2008



Tag Replies:
Lisa: Nope, didn't get him, but got the super funny VJC Lit teacher :) And I have not an eclair fetish!
Kay Fong, Chun Yong, Daniel, Davis: Awww thankies ^^
Kaye: Haha no problem. And congrats for your amazing 12 points this Prelim!

Haven't updated for twenty-two days. My life's been filled with a lot of stuff. So why haven't I blogged?

I sorta came to realize, slowly as I talked with people, that my blog was usually an outlet for some issues that I had, or some thoughts that I really just couldn't share with people outright. Weird, I know, because a blog is just (kinda) public but it does seem to come out better on here. Perhaps it's the lack of a real response that allows me to just vociferate my thoughts without pause, or maybe it's some other unfathomable reason that so propels me to blog. Whatever it is, FieryDragoon.blogspot.com isn't dead, but probably will see the light of updates far less often now that O levels draw ever near.

So many things have happened since I last updated. Uncle Mervin's wedding was bloody awesome, and not just because it was at Ritz Carlton :) Joining Randall, Kegan, Darren, Lester and Mervin for the church blessing ceremony was also awesome, because I realized just how great it is that we can all worship our great God together as a family. I remember being quite afraid that as we grew up, our once-often family gatherings would dwindle and dwindle as we all got our own lives, our own friends, and less and less need for each other. And well, it did come to pass somewhat. As the years went by, we met less and less often. So I really find it's great that all of us 'younger generation' kids can meet up at least once a week at KKMC for a time of fellowship and bonding that can only bring us closer together.

I marvel at how God's been working in my life, leading through the plans He has planned for me, and sometimes I don't even realize it. Certainly, I do not thank him enough. While he blesses me with friends and family, I forget his kindness and generosity. I forget the promises I make to him, the vows of becoming a better person, shaking off the sins and trying to live my life vicariously as He did. Yet after prayer, after all is said and done, after we leave church and that euphoria of being in God's place slowly disappears, it is so easy to fall back on the comforts of our sins. It is shameful that I sometimes think of these sins as 'habits', not crimes against God, but simply little quirks that I've grown up with. But I know in my heart, even less than He does, that these are just excuses I make to hide from the guilt that I have inside, that comes from knowing that I cannot possibly get rid of all my vices no matter how hard I try.

Sometimes we learn from people we never thought we'd learn from. Talking to people over these past few weeks, particularly on MSN, has served as a fortituous cornucopia of information that has really enlightened me. Of course, enlightment isn't what I've obtained, simply just an expression to convey just how much I think I've learnt, almost as if everything is now seen in a new light. I saw how my strengths could have been mistaken as weaknesses, my weaknesses as strengths, all depending on who I was with. My drive for what I believe in was seen as pushy and overbearing, while laziness was construed as the ability to delegate. The point I stress is that we never really know what our strenghts are. One man's meat is another man's poison; one man's barrel keg is another man's shield for those who are more DotA-knowledgable. And it's true; how true. What we think we are good in, others may not. I guess it all comes down to our own beliefs and what we visualize as ideal.

Zhong Yi and Daniel came over today to study. We ended up talking about some stuff, and something that's been going on in school lately. I must say that I am very shaken inside, because what's happened is really something I feel so strongly about. Little can be divulged about it, because of the nature of the incident, but it really does shake me that people around me of my age can possibly think of and commit such acts. I can only pray for them, if I can even find the strength and sincerity to do so, and pray for myself that I never fall prey to such thoughts and vices.

Indeed, I feel very unsettled by some recent happenings. There is someone in school that recently has been difficult to talk to. Perhaps it is just me, but I seem to feel a strange sort of tension between us when we talk, even if it is for a mere moment. Paranoia? Maybe. And certainly this is the kind of paranoia that can break a friendship. But still, it is a feeling that I cannot deny nor express adequately to people around me, even people that I really trust.

Today Zhong Yi asked me how I rated someone ( You once thought I insinuated you were Machiavellian ) on the wonderful Friendship scale of 1~10. Of course, it is a silly scale, because no division is universal. But I put that person as a 10. ZhongYi then said that it's weird to put people at 10. That got me thinking: What do I really consider a best friend?

Truth be told, I am not sure either. To me, best friends are the one whom I feel I have a real connection to, someone that I don't talk to just because, or someone's that only fun to be with. They're people with a certain depth to them, and most importantly, people that can and seen past my exterior to what's inside. These are the people who know what happened, what I went through, and what I was really like during those times. These are the people I know I can trust, whole-heartedly when I'm in trouble. Funnily enough, it's not necessarily a very caring relationship per se, and we don't have to be uber-nice to each other. But rather, it's the knowledge that this person, or these people, can and will be there for you when you need that pillar of strength, or that shoulder to lean on, even if just for a while. And it's someone that I truly care about, someone that I feel the urge to pray for when he is down, when he is sick, when he is in need, and even when he is not in dire need of anything. Several people I thought I could really trust have shown sides that have shaken me, and even until now, someone has done the same. Right now, I am questioning the friendship, wondering exactly how we stand and whether we're that much of friends as I think I am. Maybe this isn't important in the grand scale of things.

But I'm only a little boy, only a youth of 16. As much as I want to look at the big picture, as much as I want to be able to say that I can consider both micro and macro, I can't. I'm only micro, and I can only see micro for now, occasionally the macro picture, even then only glimpses of it. But while I'm still looking through my microscope of life, I want to try and make the best out of it.

To those out there whom I can really consider best friends, I'd like to thank you guys again for being there for me, for letting me be there for you, and for being you, just because. You guys know who you are.

You who is 'Machiavellian" :)
You who God brought into my life through a friend for a plan far greater than I ever would have thought. :)
You who just has plenty of common sense and is so fascinated by TAR(A) that it's rather silly sometimes :)

Love you guys :3

Sunday, September 07, 2008



Tag Replies:

Kenneth : Thanks, I try my best to infuse caustic humour into whatever I do.
Edwin: Thanks for saying I'm fat. You can watch me migrate with the rest of the whales in December ^^
Daniel : So it's a little 5-days overdue. Biggggg deal. Studies more important!
ChunYong: Thankies ^^

Ok, no I didn't die a 'violent horrible death' so any parties thrown for that will have sadly been wasted.

Ok, my parents are going to back in Singapore tomorrow and I'm already missing my absolute freedom to run around, abandon my studies and just slam my head against any wall I do so happen to chance about. As I happen to be typing in my room, because my room has not been utterly raped and destroyed by violent viking orgies, I am surrounded by 6 walls. Now, I could be paranoid and claustrophic and start freaking out, screaming and ramming myself head-first into the wall. Fortunately, Auntie Melda seems to have slipped a (heavier dosage than usual) of sedatives into my milk this morning. So right now, I'm just paranoid.

This is most probably because I've just experienced what seems to be the greatest week in this whole year, discounting some rather traumatic incidents involving bees, lizards and pits. I always doubted my seniors when they said that Secondary 4 is the most fun year that anyone can have in Secondary School. And after experiencing 3/4 of it myself, I can very safely say that my doubts have now completely vanished. I'm now convinced that it is definitely not. Perhaps, if one were a hardcore mugger or suffered from Tourette's, Secondary 4 might be fun. After all, short-term memory loss and nerds go wrinkled-hand-in-hand. Nevertheless, for a wild fun-loving soul like me, Secondary 4 is like a cheap 20-cent version of Les Miserables, only I'm the star and it's far more than just miserable.

Of course, that is not to say I spent this entire week having fun, drinking wine and beer and punching random people in the face. No, in fact, this week has turned out to be quite an insightful glimpse into human psychology. After spending Wednesday and Thursday helping out in charitable organizations, I must say that my heart is now very touched by the kindness of the community in Singapore, and has motivated me to be the best person I can be. Also if you believed that sentenced, you're obviously on drugs. Are you unaware of the dangers of drug addiction, what kind of crack are you having and can I possibly have some?

But as some famous random dude once said, all good things must come to an end. Like Christmas, bedtime and Tamim waddling after a stick of butter, this sacred September holidays have drawn to a very anti-climatic close. Prelims resume tomorrow with English and Emaths and thus I am very noticeably less-than-enthused about the whole thing. Perhaps tonight I will receive an intervention, have an epiphany or possibly be hit by a meteorite. Assuming the first doesn't kill me, the second doesn't result in me destroying technological devices and barring the third, I will be back sometime next week with more blubber nuggets of wisdom and advice cunningly concealing my subliminal messages to give me your money. Till then, I shall hopefully be studying for my exams. Given how paranoid my parents are about me studying, scoring well for the O levels will allow me to transmute regular tissue paper into gold bars and other precious metals. So if you'll excuse me, I'll go and see if I can possibly transfigure my stuff toy dog into a vicious man-eating plant, with a high-pitched shriek, that will snap and bite at anything that dares approach it. If this is successful, you will all be invited to my house to admire my new plant, Imran.

Monday, September 01, 2008



Tag replies tomorrow I swear I swear I swear. Ok, I'll try, no promises!

anyways, tomorrow's a study day and then riceman i and chun yong are going to stay over at chun yong's place and goddamn i just realized i haven't asked chun yong if he asked his parents omigosh he hasn't asked them yet ahhhhhh omg omg omg.

anyway, today was pretty slack. two hours of physics tuition totally fried my brain ok, like super fried fried fried. my brain is damn dead and it's amazing that i'm still awake right now even though i'm actually damn bloody sleepy so WONDER OF WONDERS why the hell am I still awake? i dunno i dunno dunno. ARGH, CHUN YONG!

oh yeah and ms sharma called me today to remind that i have that humanities scholarship thingy (yay me ) which is so weird cuz my humanities aren't all that good, downright piss poor sometimes even. but of course i hope it gets better since i have to bank on humanities since my science and math grades are even more downright pissy poorer so humanities are going to be my lifeline and unfortunately in exams you don't get 50/50, the option to ask the audience or the chance to phone a friend without being accused of blatant cheating and being kicked out of the hall. wow, how exciting. sounds like fun, we should totally do that.

oh yeah, spent sunday at chun's place with riceman again playing stupid pieces on the piano and then sight-reading funny cheena pieces for almost an hour and discovered some very nice funny pieces which i brought back home to play. btw, my fingers hurt like hell from excessive piano spammage so i'm not particularly concerned about capitalizing nor punctuation right now so for my poor readers out there i sincerely apologize for this humungous wall of text that you people have to endure but you love me so haha thanks! oh look punctuation. went for mcdonalds for dinner again where i splurged lovingly on mcwingsx2 and a free hot fudge sundae ( much thankies to chun yong ) and ended up not being able to finish two of the mcwings ( davis would have a ball laughing ) and donating those wings to the ravenous t-rexes sitting across me. also there were a group of mats with dilraj-esque accents that made me want to slam their heads violently against the glass wall. there was also a woman with this fat-ass baby outside and the baby was dancing around the pole. perfect, a fat gigolo in the making. god i love this new generation. oh wait, i am the new generation. haha, this world is screwed. this post is screwed. i swear my brain is just shutting down right now and i'm not even really think about what the hell i'm typing!

oh look good golly punctuation!

rawr chun yong answer answer answer faster faster faster omg i wanna go sleep i just realized how damn tired i am and my brain cries out for sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep but chun yong hasn't replied so i can't go and sleep!

rawr rawr rawr. ok i better stop now before i permanently traumatize the whole bunch of you two people who read this blog. tirra and if i don't update tomorrow i've been eaten by a t-rex or otherwise died a violent horrible death that has probably disfigured my face beyond recognition ala plastic surgery. rejoice.