Thursday, December 27, 2007



2nd day of the camp, 10.02 am.

and I'm not nearly as enthu as I should be.

arfgh

Saturday, December 22, 2007



Today was a good day.

Oh btw, I bought a nice little prayer book. Costs $3.42, but price isn't an issue. More on that later.

Today was a good day. Woke up feeling a little unwell, but hey. Went back to CO ( finally ) and wrote a little prayer down in the prayer book.

God answered my prayer. It's not back to the old times, it's not back to the old feelings. But it's a step in that direction, it's a step to fixing what is broken.

So thank you God! Needless to say, you're God-Like!

Now if you excuse, I must go print Carolling stuff and write my testimonial for the 24th.
Carolling was damn fun, btw =)


We Were The Reason - Avalon

Friday, December 21, 2007



You wanna see commitment?
You'll see how committed I am.
You'll see.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007



They say Chinese have small eyes. I believe it too. They are so small we overlook too many things.

[Quoted from Weng Keong's blog, Sunday, December 09]

So God has plans for CO, plans that he wants Yang En and Alphonsus, along with the others to be part of, and I'm not in those plans.

But, perhaps because of this, because of the solitude, the loneliness, the lack of motivation...

Perhaps, I've been so blinded by the problems, that I don't see what's in front of me.

God 'took' them away from me. But in return, he returned me to Kampong Kapor Methodist Church, and he let me see the love and the support that I will always receive from my cousins and uncles and family.

And in the end, I will...I mean... I probably will learn the truth, and what they want to tell me.

So why am I complaining?

God took my friends away,
But He gave me family
And He will give me friends back.
So I should stop being such an ungrateful bitch.
And appreciate Him, for His plans.

Everyone should be reading this if nothing else but for the little ruminations of life's common oddities.

And no, I was not asked/paid/bribed/coerced/blackmailed or otherwise told in anyway, by anyone, to do this.
Seriously.

[Edit]
This must be one of those rare nights that I sleep before 1 a.m.
Then again,
Sleep's been a nightmare.
Literally
[/Edit]

Monday, December 17, 2007



HBDIHSIHDIONA ONDI AB DINAIBDIB FISBIF BSIUBISBIL SBFIUSBISUBISO ISNEOANBIBDI ABDANADJADAS OAS DOA S DOADIA DSAD ASOD ASDASBDA SUIBSAIBS AFISHFIS F ASF ASFASOFHOIASHOISAH DASD AS ASD damndamndamdnamnDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDA SD AS DASD ASPDPJAPSRFPQJWJEQJWE
QWPJQPJPQJWE
ASDADAD???

ASDp!
SDAOPSDOPI0I0U90U097098708Y198239817209387129 3WQD 1
kKPK[DSAKP[SADKP[
ASDKAK S DP!

Because sometimes, Linus needs to smash some keyboard buttons to vent.

And Liz Fong's tagged me to do a survey. Well, sorta tagged. It was more of a find-out-yourself thing =) And also her blog doesn't allow copy and pasting so I had to type it all out. I still love you Liz!

Loving my churchies =)

46 Questions on Life, the Universe and not a lot else
[Because LizFong said so and she rocks my keyboarding socks]

01: Do you take pills of any sort?
-Chill Pills

02: You doing anything interesting tomorrow?
-PSB Meeting. And something else =)

03: What was your elementary school called?
-Saint Gabriel's Primary School =)

04: How many hours do you work a week?
-24 x 7. Life is work, but fun work, but work nonetheless.

05: Have you ever seen a real giraffe?
-Yup!

06: Chocolate, strawberry or vanilla?
-STRAWBERRY

07: Where will you retire to?
-...New Zealand. Or a comfy condo in Singapore.

08: Last person you completely lost your temper with?
-Let not those words speak.

09: What name will you definitely NOT call your kid?
-TigerCake.

10: How many people do you know called Lucy?
-...None?

11: What should you be doing instead of this?
-Sleeping I guess.

12: What's your favourite planet?
-Pluto until they removed its planetary status. So Earth I guess.

13: Do you ever say "your mum"?
-Yes. Lots of times. Sometimes not always referring respectfully.

14: How about "that's what s/he said"?
-*Nods*

15: What's getting on your nerves at the moment?
- Too many things.

16: Are you normally quite patient?
- Depends. Usually? Yes.

17: Do religious people bother you?
- Not really.

18: Tongue piercings: gross or hot?
- Fugly.

19: What about lip piercings?
- F.Ugly.

20: Is happiness a choice?
- No. You're happy. If you wanna be sad, you're happy being sad, so you're happy. No one is ever never happy.

21: When do/did you leave school?
-Evenings?

22: When it comes to the opposite sex, what is "your type"?
-Smart, thoughtful, meticulous, humourous. Pretty is a bonus.

23: Do you brush your hair before you have breakfast?
- I have no need of a comb

24: Name three places you've been that you'd go to again
- School, Home, Tampines Mall.

25: What's the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex has done for you?
- Shhh.

26: If you were marooned on a desert island, how long would you survive?
-Fairly long I suppose.

27: What colour dominates your wardrobe?
-Black and white...

28: What's your comfort food?
- Chocolates from "Guylian"

29: Ever sing into your hairbrush pretending it's a microphone?
- I'm not Rio or Dilraj.

30: Speaking of hairbrushes, is yours plastic or metal?
- What's a hairbrush

31: Is your house key silver or gold?
-Silver-coloured plastic

32: Did you ever play Pokémon?
-Sorta still do.

33: Trade cards?
-Sorta did.

34: What colour are your bed sheets?
-Bluish.

35: Does/did your school make you support charities?
-Not 'support' per se.

36: What music did you listen to five years ago?
-Crap mandopop.

37: What colour ink do you normally write in?
- Blue.

38: How do you usually style your hair?
- It self-styles and won't take any crap from me.

39: Who did you spend last Christmas with?
- Family =)

40: If you were cast in a movie, would you be lead role, someone fairly important, someone fairly irrelevant or an extra?
- Lead role I hope.

41: Aliens are going to eliminate one country from Earth. Given the choice, which country would it be?
- Ummm... I guess... Ummm..... I dunno.

42: Who normally cooks your dinner?
- Auntie Melda.

43: George Bush: moron or just doing his job?
- Just doing his job. Moronically.

44: What TV show should've been cancelled before it was even viewed?
- O.C

45: How many kids do you think you want?
-2. A son and a daughter.

46: Are you happy with life right now?
- Yes.


[edit: I just realized how much of a retard I am here -.-" ]
Tag:
1. Randall
2. Musli
3. Bryan
4. Emersius
5. Jordan
6. Sherman
7. WeiLiang ( Whenever you come back =3 )
[/Edit]

Sunday, December 16, 2007



Jo-Ann - Look at these gentle hands!
Me - Don't forget the delicate features and meticulous personality!
Jo-Ann - These hands were made for pottery!
Me - You mean breaking pottery
Jo-Ann - Whatever, same thing.

It came as a surprise to me that I'd forgotten how I put quotes at the beginning of each blogpost, seeing as that it's been ages since I've done one, and wtfbbqlong since the one before that. It was such a surprise, that I had to find some way to convey its impact. Believe it or not, the first sentence (other than the quote) was typed, deleted and re-typed and edited several times.

Just shows how long it's been.

Anyway, since Kow has expressed his utter disappointment and disdain and/or surprise at my apparent 1-day hiatus from the blogosphere ( actually caused by extreme exhaustion ), I have been filled with extreme guilt, and have thus return to blogger.com to blog once again. I would mention "rejoice" but judging by the extremely dead tagboard, of which was never really all that alive, my readers have been lost.

Then again, it's not about screaming my life to the world, although it does serve that purpose I suppose. It's more of a journal-diary, that everyone can read. Or almost everyone, anyway.

Anyways, Saturday was a 'blast'. I can't quite remember what we did, but I remember I went over to Jo's house in the afternoon to play Audition. After she began to do girly stuff like fawn over Aizen/Gin, I realized that my manliness was in danger. I had to find something manly to do, and quick!

But fear not, I had the perfect solution.

Cooking Mama!

Ok, so it's not the perfect solution. Sue me. It was fun though. And because it has absolutely nothing to do with cooking, I was actually half-decent at it. Although my wonderful sushi dish looked like a raging mess, somewhat delicious, in the same manner as that diarrhea is appetizing.

Spent the evening slash night at Uncle Lester's house together with Jo, Randall and Mr. Kegan. Dear Mr. Kegan is so elitist that he deigned to sit with us hoi polloi ( Randall, Jo and myself ) on the luxurious carpet ( then again everything in their house is opulent ) and instead sat at the table to eat. Talk about aristocratic man! I smell a bitchfest!

Discussed the Christmas thingy. My hearing is bad, so I heard stuff like "Uncle Lester was baptized in a mirror" and "Randall, can I mess it up, you're cute". That was confusing. Yeah.

Today was church. Got to know our near-future future life/youth/cell groups. There are 12 in mine, and Davin and Andre are inside. Thank god that out of the 07' Y3 group, I at least have Justin ( whom I met today ) who seems at least pretty normal and nice. That's good. That's a start. Yes.

Kaye ( or Joy, can't remember which ) has Jo-Ann and Faith inside their near-future future life/youth/cell group. Imagine if Kegan was leading my cell group.

Kegan - Err...Ok...you guys..just sit and look at my korean pop-star face.
Me - I'm going to shave you.
Kegan - I'm too tall.
Me - Damn.

After what is one of our final Y3 lessons, Joy viciously kidnapped Jo-Ann, Justin and me to go McDonalds with her. We ended up staying there from 11.30 to 12.55 before reaching back at 1 and missing service. We are horrible horrible people.

But the seaweed fries are nice. And I signed up for caroling on the 21st. Watch out people! I am here to sing wonderful Disney songs, and birds will randomly attack you!

And yup, that's about it.

PSB Meeting tomorrow. Looking forward to that, sorta.

And definitely, the music symposium on the 28th.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Reflection

[Edit: Tag replies, or else I'll be stoned to death]

Emersius: Yes, because Rubik Cubes are just -that- sexy =)

WeiLiang: Haha, who's gangster? Is that like B.Pang's brother or something? And yup, hopefully my wall-of-text posts are back. Although I do enjoy short posts really.

tkgsDB/someone: Ummm....ok

WeiLoong: The security guard is so anal-retentive! And Dynamite outing really rocked!

Kow: -.- And Golden Compass isn't really that anti-christian. Doesn't even really matter unless you can't differentiate reality from fiction ala Da Vinci Code.

Bryan: Yes, but MrMooMoo rocks my ankle-socks off.

Joy: HELLO GIRL!

[/edit]

Haha, I just realized today's the 14th. That means RiCO, which until about 5 minutes ago when I read Yang En's blog, I thought is tomorrow. Well, it's today, we're suppose to meet at 7.20, and it's 6.30 now.

I'm sure I can make it. I'm sure that after I hastily bathe (again), change, run out to the mrt station and take a train down to Tanjong Pagar, I can make it in time. I'm sure. I have 1 hour, and it's only a 30 minute train ride.

Except I'm not going. The Raffles Institution Chinese Orchestra concert ticket will sit in my wallet until 12 a.m tonight, then I will rip it in half.

It's not symbolic, it's fun.
Ok, maybe it's a bit symbolic.

In case the previous post didn't make its point, I had a very wonderful and therapeutic (MSN) talk with Kow yesterday night. Well, morning actually, it was around...what, 1 am? Pretty much ranted at first, with copious amounts of a certain swear word that is 25% fish and 75% duck.

Then got more indepth and pseudo-reflective. Talking about your problems really helps. Perhaps it's the process of saying it out loud, taking it out from its container and just putting it in the wide wide world context. And then we see that our problem isn't everything we thought it is. Maybe when it's in our head, all the emotions are magnified. Locked in the little container, the emotions ricochet and bounce around and get bigger and bigger, clouding the problem itself.

That little container is pretty darn frangible. It keeps the problem inside, but the moment you open it, wham. You get smacked in the face by all the emotions and you've got to, you've just got to wade through all those emotions and find the problem itself.

It super sucks. It really super sucks to have to do that. But that problem is never going to solve itself unless you open the lock and deal with it.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

I asked Kow:
"What if your band peers take your instrument, and smash it. They don't tell you why, but they just smash it. Then they tell you to trust them, and let them fix it. Can you trust them?"

The instrument is motivation. Needless to say, I've been a happiness addict these few days. It's like a drug, like beer, like being drunk. It's fun, and it solves your problems as you drown yourself in happiness, desperately trying to block out your problems. And you succeed, for a while anyway. Then you're sober, and the pain just hits you right back in the face like nothing you've ever felt. It -is- like nothing you've ever felt, because it gets worse every time you get drunk.

I've been throwing myself into fun, reveling in the joy and gaiety of day. But night always comes, and so does reflection. And with it, the unavoidable pain.

But really, the instrument was broken. It is already broken. So what else can I do, but simply trust? Yes, this trust might be blind, might be foolish. It's a trust that's eroded day by day, because I see no sign of improvement or remedy. But they are two people that I'll always consider friends. They're friends, and I'll trust them. So it's not blind trust. I don't know why they did it, and I don't know how they're going to fix it. But I have to trust them enough, because they said they'll fix it.

So I have to trust them. I just have to. I just want to.
Just that I don't.
And that tears me apart.

I'm just hoping, just praying it'll be fine. Come January, come the never-ending new slates upon which we write our lives, perhaps it'll all be fine.

And my motivation isn't really broken. It was just lost. Fled somewhere I didn't look. But hey, I got it back last night.

I can wait for Christmas. There is so much to do, simply so much to do to make it all that I want it to be.

I want to do the Christmas sharing with Randall, Darren and Jo-Ann. I want to hear their testimonies of God, and their testimonies for God. I want to share my testimony, although I don't quite know what it is, yet I know what I want it to be. I want to play my cello alongside my cousins, playing Dance With My Father in a simple, yet true remembrance of my grandfather. I want to feel God within me, within that house we play in. And I want to be in KKMC on December 24th, 2007, at 11.59 PM, with our heads, voices and hearts held high in one unison of praise for God.

But I lose myself in verbosity.

I want so many things to happen.
It's going to be a busy two weeks. It's going to be a roller-coaster of emotions, hopefully high, realistically fluctuating as I both enjoy happiness and deal with sadness. It's going to be a very, very and I repeat, VERY busy two weeks again.

So what do I have to do?

I've gotta pray.

[post-script]
I'm missing Dynamite outing. Hope we have another one soon, this time with all Dynamitians inside.

[post-post script]
Adding labels from now, mostly word number labels. Because I'm crazy like that.

Labels: 1000 words

Thanks Joshua Kow
Thanks Randall.

And He will lead me to Him
For I am His child
And He is my Father.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007



[emo]
I'm a whore now
[/emo]

[emo2]
I just realized that my post for HCCO exchange was not posted, and instead saved as an incomplete draft. God knows why, but anyway... Bless Abel. I didn't know him that well, but he was a friend anyway. Hope he's with God now.
[/emo2]

Yesterday was the Dynamite outing, planned (mostly) by Wei Loong and (partially) me! And it was goooooooooooooooood.

Gotta admit I was kinda skeptical about how the outing would turn out. Joseph's not free, Desmond's flight got delayed almost a day, Emersius had last minute packing, Jing Qun had something on, Fu Zhi...had something, Siddharth's going/gone overseas. And Alphonsus and WengKeong had stuff/holidays to go for.

Leaving Yu Fan, Wei Loong, Nicholas (Han), Caleb and myself.

Had a completely pointless meeting in school, because Glen refused to answer my SMSes. So Glen, John, Ze Wei, Alphonsus and I had like a 10 minute pseudo-briefing, before going off.

Wait, toilet calls.

Oh, and it's lunch now. Btw, I've been drawing, found Melodies of Life score, and been practicing that and Rozen Maiden: Battle Of Rose.

Yeah

Like I was saying, met up with those 4 at EastPoint. Took the supposed '5' minutes ( as claimed by Siow Wei Loong ) walk from Simei/EastPoint to Wei Loong's wonderfully

PINK!

condo. It was a veritable sea of pink, pink and more pink. It was a beautiful and luscious pink, but a sea of pink is very very testosterone-killing. Ugh.

Wei Loong's house is nice =)

Played Wei Loong's PS2 and the "sucky" SOUL CALIBUR 3 which totally totally rocked. Then DotA (only this time please -.-" ) 1 on 1 with Wei Loong. APEMOMNP. Randomed, should have just taken AR to begin with. Argh. He randomed Enigma, and I randomed Obsidian. Then he repicked into Viper.

Long story short, I owned. Astral-Imprisonment + Sanity's Eclipse + Orb-Walk for the win.

It was still raining then, so we did the most logical thing. Play soccer. The walk to the street-soccer court was fun and wet, but mostly fun. Yu Fan chased after the soccer ball on the road and promptly slipped and fell. He mentioned the road was slippery. We were like 'Uhuh....yeah.'

Wei Loong and I teamed up against Yu Fan, Nicholas and Caleb. Within the first five minutes, we were soaked. Prior to that, we were only drenched. So when Caleb, Wei Loong and I simultaneously splashed into a LARGE and DEEP puddle, water sprayed. High, and far.

I was wearing white by the way. So very unglam to have your shirt sticking to your body. So, very, unglam.

We ended like 8-7, in favour of them. Despite our best efforts, we lost, but remember kids, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. Yes. what a convenient excuse splendid saying.

But we had fun. And no one can deny us that =)

Caleb is a vicious vicious beast playing soccer. He will just chase after the ball, and bang into you if you so happen to be in the way. Since it was wet and slippery, Caleb banging me would probably result in me skidding into the goal like a ball.

After like an hour of a sweaty, hot and wet game involving boys and a ball, we went to SWIM!

Unfortunately, the security guards at Wei Loong's apartment are super anal-retentive. Ok, at least the chinese uncle is damn idiotic. Seriously damn damn irritating. Wei Loong forgot to sign the sheet, the uncle accused him of doing that on purpose. What the hell man.

So we ended up in the suonasauna. Wei Loong kept popping in and out. Yu Fan complained it was stuffy and went out, then came back, then went out, then came back, then repeated it for like...countless times until Wei Loong came back and we decided to go up to his house.

Because Yu Fan is crazy like that.

Wei Loong's brother opened the door to see 3 youths with soaking wet pants and shirts ( because Caleb and Yu Fan decided to show off their sexy bodies with their six-packs keep their shirts off ) traipse into the house.

Bathed and changed, then went down to Tampines Mall in the absolutely-pouring rain. Ended up pretty drenched, and realized that we were all without a cardigan/jacket. Stupid me for thinking that I wouldn't need one in the morning as I left house.

Bought the Golden Compass tickets, then I got myself the usual Hotdog combo. Yu Fan suddenly realized his handphone was missing, but then had a miraculous flashback/revelation that it was still sitting outside Wei Loong's house.

The movie was quite nice. Not bloody, not gory, and definitely very very anti-climatic. Even though I haven't read the book before, it really felt very anti-climatic to me, because it was like the entire thing was just really getting started, and then it ended. Blah. A 5/10. It'd be a 6, but I took 1 point off for being anti-Christian. Because I can. Bleh.

Went Toys R Us, then Nicholas Han had to leave. Pity. We decided to go Mos Burger for dinner. Had a nice talk with dear Caleb over dinner, then we parted ways.

All in all, it was a bloody fantastic day. I love Yu Fan, Wei Loong, Caleb and Nicholas; they're damn damn good friends. Not juniors, no. Not outside of school, barely so inside of school. Friends. Not juniors.

Friends.

Saturday, December 08, 2007



Going back to KKMC

Tagboard's dead. No surprise, haven't been updating even half-decent entries. Should improve soon, I hope.

hello
i'm at jo-ann's house right now with cassandra right now

cassandra and jo-ann are bitching about friendster/facebook/myspace. cassandra reminds me that it's myspace. she asked jo-ann if she 'does' myspace. jo-ann says no she only does friendster because she gave in to peer pressure.

oh and i bought a super soaker and rubik's cube today. yay. i so totally rock. Jo-Ann's super soaker is the same as mine only because there's no other colour that doesn't instantly vaporize your stupid retinas with its ronaldmcdonald colours

and I love Ramly burgers. I love that like Jo-Ann doesn't like gay guys anymore. anymore

and Gin ain't straight.

lalala

okok she's bitching at me to let her surf porn internet for gay Gin porn. toodles.
ok, she only bitched.

2.15 AM

Meep.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Oswin's Birthday

Yeah, and I'm trying titles again. Don't know why, might as well..

Ok, since I'm feeling better of late ( especially today with my hp comp coming back at around 4+ ) and cassandra's come from Perth, I guess I might as well blog a short entry before I go study.

SLI/SLC/Oswin's Birthday yesterday, Oswin's birthday being the most important of course. Oswin is the super love because he's such a nice person that you can instantly click with no matter who, what or where you are. He's the kind of person that will never ditch you, never pangseh, and is always open for you to talk to.

I wanna be like Oswin.

If you wanna be like Oswin
You got to be his friend =)
Make it last for forever
Cuz Friendship never ends!

Lalala

Ok ok, actually I think I'll go practise the Rozen Maiden: Battle of Rose piano score before I study. =)

Monday, December 03, 2007



Gah, cursed insensitivity.

Sometimes I feel like Boofy. Good when you need him, gets tossed around, left behind, dropped on the ground and stepped upon sometimes. Just milk him for his use, then throw him away.

Except I'm not a stuff-toy. And I have feelings.

Happy pseudo-narratives that inspire happy feelings and minor uprisings will return soon. Just feeling too shitty now to be all cheerful.