Thursday, November 08, 2007



It's 11.07 PM and I'm due at school at 8 A.M tomorrow for Open House stuff, but I decided that I couldn't sleep without at least noting down some points.

I guess time really passes so fast. It really seems like just a week ago, that I was wondering if I could become a red shirt. Musli and I were talking during Sunday's sleepover that it was already our turn to run PSLTC. And today, I realized, PSLTC is over.

And now I've gotten my Senior Peer Support Leader Black Shirt...I realized that...It doesn't really mean much. All this while, I've been craving the shirt. And now that I have it, I realized that what I really am pursuing is the knowledge, the leadership and the life skills that SPSLship will teach me. The Black Shirt is a symbol, that I was outstanding as a Red Shirt. But what will tell me if I'm outstanding as a Black Shirt? I have to find out. I have to find out.

I'm extremely, extremely proud of the PSLs this year. Although we faced minor hiccups during the camp, with a stupid incident ( no pun intended ) and other discipline issues, today proved to me that this batch has got substance. They have it within them, and it's just a matter of how all of us, in PSB, will help everyone else draw out the leader within them.

What I'm even more proud of is my MacroGroup, Team Dynamite. Each member has contributed to their Nano and Macrogroup, and thus to PSB in his own special way.

Wei Loong with his enthusiasm and gregarious ways
Fu Zhi for his ever-smiling face and uber-nice personality
Yu Fan for being such a prominent 'cheerleader' and 'smilist'
Nicholas for being so supportive and providing the 'invisible' support so needed.
Emersius with his creativity, pseudo-deadpan humour and supporting.
Jing Qun for being able to lead his group without dominating, in conjunction with Yu Fan.
Joseph for overcoming his shyness and cheer-fear to scream his lungs out in cheers.
Desmond for being the ultimate emokia who still drives the team with his determination.
Caleb for proving his substance with his intellectual contributions.
Siddharth for enthuness comparable with Wei Loong and the supportive drive.

I still remember, fondly, our MacroGroup reflection, with the candle in the middle at first at 9.15 pm as we sat at the Eco-Pond. We sat in a circle, DynamiteBeta and DynamiteAlpha united as Team Dynamiate. Weng Keong started us off, the dim flickering light of the candle effectively setting the reflective atmosphere. I went next, to talk about the members, the jobscope of a PSL, and how I felt about them. Alphonsus finished off the 'senior' sharing portion, before Weng Keong blew out the candle. Wei Loong then began the 'junior' sharing portion and we continued, the candle now extinguished. Not that the candle was needed anymore, because the emotions came through in their voices as they shared their experiences, and their thoughts, and their feelings. And finally, we wrote down our fears, relit the candle and burnt the paper with our fears. Weng Keong claims its therapeutic effects, and I do say that I felt better after burning the paper, although I really did hesitate to burn my paper, not quite being able to let go. Then we blew out the candle together. It wasn't symbolic, just fun.

I can't quite remember the fears that I wrote down, although the last one stands out the most, and was the reason I hesitated to light the paper. The fear of not being a leader good enough to lead. One of my greatest fears. It was as if I was scared of burning the paper, to accept that perhaps, I am better than I think I am. Inferiority complex, maybe. Confidence in some areas masks the fear in others.

I'm scared that I'm not a leader that's good enough to lead my juniors and my peers. I'm scared that I'll lead them astray, and that I'm taking the place of someone who can lead them better. And then I realize, then sometimes, I'm all they've got. So we'll never know for sure, if I would have been the best choice to lead. But I can make myself proud, and I can perform up to a standard that I can be proud of. It'll not be my best, since I can never, ever truly give my best. But I can sure as heck try to. It's not a 100%, and I'm not even sure if I can give above 90%, but I can try. And I won't always succeed, but damn it I have myself, and my friends and I have God and together we can accomplish so much!

The thing that has me most proud of is my friends, particularly the PSB ExCo. Running PSLTC '07 is no mean feat, and this demonstrates perfectly how every ExCo, no matter how good, needs more than quality, we need quality And quantity. I couldn't have done it without the ExCo, and the ExCo couldn't have done it without the help of Miss Tang, the PSFs and the seniors that gladly acquiesced to return. We needed the quality, and we needed the quantity. We got both, because PSBians just rock like that. Seriously? Seriously.

I think what really sets the PSB apart from a lot of organizations, is the trust and bonds that we share. After all, our entire board is built upon the fundementals of Peer Support. And what kind of Peer Support Board are we if we cannot even help each other? We'd be nothing. But we're not. We ARE something, because WE MADE ourselves this something, through teachings from seniors to juniors, and through hard work. And because of this trust, particularly the ExCo, it really ramps up the efficiency. Yes we screw up occasionally, but I can bet my balls that someone will help me cover my mistake, point it out, teach me and be all the more a stronger friend because of that. Just like I'm learning to do, and will, for others. We trust each other, enough to really recognize our, and each others', strengths and weaknesses, learning to compensate and compliment each other. And I'm loving it. I'm loving it so much.

I asked my juniors this question during the PSL interviews: What happens if Academics, CCA and PSB clash? How would you handle the situation?

And now that I think about it, I know my choice. It's PSB for me, over CCA, and perhaps over Academics sometimes. I'm not abandoning VSCO or VSELDDS in any way, but my love, and thus my priority lies with the Victoria School Peer Support Board. So I hope that the VSCOers and VSELDDSers don't think I'm throwing them away, but it's simply that my direction lies with PSB, because that's where my heart is.


It's PSB.
Woah, PSB!
Peer Support is so so part of me.


One volunteer!
Uh huh?
Do you love PSB?
Yeah.