Thursday, October 25, 2007



It's 2.23 am and I'm at Randall's house blogging after DotAing with Darren and Randall.

We burnt Ah Gong his house just now, filled with immeasurable amounts of gold and silver, not to mention an absolutely opulent house which seem to be a dime a dozen. Mansions must seem like cottages wherever Ah Gong is.

As the fire raged and the monk asked us to call for Ah Gong to come and live in his new house, it got pretty emotional. It really seems as though everyone is taking it quite well though, with seems being a keyword here, as Li Zhi points out. I'm not taking it as well as I thought though, because there's still some sadness and grief that I cannot seem to release. I keep trying to run away from the emotion, no matter how much I face up to it. Of course...It'll come and bite me in the future, harder than ever.

I think life's incredibly interesting of late. And what the others say is correct I hope, I hope. I'm still trying to find that balance between personal and professional, to reach that mental equilibrium in which I can perform at optimum efficiency, giving 100% with nothing to hold me back.

I want to reach that mental equilibrium with my friends. The VsCoExCo, the PSBExCo and the Monitors' Council and my classmates and my family. Just everyone I know. Learning from them, and teaching them something in return.

I feel like saying Ah Gong's death is the cause of me being so... tensed-up these days. I mean, it's an incredibly convenient excuse because I'm all so grieving and other nonsense. But that is blatantly lying. What I've been doing has been completely independent of Ah Gong's passing, and it definitely hasn't been a factor in my actions. And I've hurt people while doing it too, so here's a big sorry to all you guys.

You know, sometimes, I think It's a gift rather than a curse. Having it...And especially of late, where I seem to be able to manipulate and control it more and more, taking it in directions previously impossible.

I just hope for the best. And I'm working, towards that best. I will find that best, and I will be that best.

I also want the VSCO people to tag on my blog. And just people in general, for that matter.

Especially since I know that most of the VSCOians have permission to this blog.

You bums.