Sunday, September 16, 2007



So now that I'm blogging, I'm imagining myself looking into the great glass mirror of Time and it's showing me my past few days.

I don't have any idea what the hell is going on these few days. Everything's a roller coaster of emotions and I'm not just riding that roller coaster but I think I got hit by it once or twice.

What's the meaning of being creative for planning a camp? Is it changing the activities? Or is it changing the concept of the activities? Or is it breaking out of the decade-old mould finally to embrace some long-awaited change? Do I really want to end up in that vicious rat-race of 'change' only to look back and realize that all I've done is contribute one more cycle to the endless cycle of Camp Creativity.

To the dear VSCOEXCO:
I AM NOT GOING TO PLAN A CAMP THAT IS SO-CALLED CREATIVE BUT HAS ACTUALLY BEEN DONE BEFORE!

I hate planning camps, really. How fun can you make fun be? Huh? With all the restrictions? I can't plan activities at East Coast Park lawlz, then how the hell am I going to make activities in school interesting? Bungee-Jump? With what? Umbilical cords?

2 committee members can take care of 10 members running around Parkway during an Amazing Race, but apparently they are unable to take care of 3 or 4 members during What kind of screwed-up logic is that? So it's easier to take care of 10 runners than 3 people sitting down to eat lunch?. Yeah I'm sure. It has probably something to do with some FREAKISH kind of logic unavailable to stupid stubborn overpowering control freaks like me huh I suppose? And what the [censored] was that about rather the members getting injured during activities than lunch?

What the [censored]?

I love that guy and all but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a broken cd-player embedded in a wall. It won't budge no matter what you say to it, and it'll always give you the same old damn reply. I want to punch that wall sometimes.

At the very least I'm trying to break out and do something new! Yes, I'm not making any MARVELLOUS JAW-DROPPING BREAKTHROUGH LIKE EINSTEIN OR GALILEO but at least I'm doing something right? And it's not just anything something but it's a wonderfully feasible idea that should be implemented!

SO WHY THE [CENSORED] DON'T YOU JUST SAY YES?

My best friend makes me want to punch him. Lovely, no?

Sometimes I just wanna take a pseudo-Sabbatical and drop all this nonsense shit about being a Leader and just take some time to sit back and look at the big big BIG picture to see if I'm really doing something worthwhile or just wasting my time and coming off as an absolute bastard in the process.

I really feel like shit now ok? Everyone's so against my idea, and yet they flash me their dagger-smiles. It feels like everything I do is so meaningless because I never ever -ever- get thanked for it.

I set 2 weeks as a deadline, used the first week to do my own work, and then spent the rest of the time chasing others to do theirs, not to mention that someone even set a deadline for all of us, and then ask me to ensure we meet it.
And in return, I got my dear 'someone' telling me that I'm unfair and that I didn't set proper deadlines. You know, even though HE set the deadline and so I stayed up to midnight to wait for his documents and then I thought oh wait he's got Night Safari so I went to sleep and woke up sick but even though I was sick I still bothered to check my email to see if I got the stuff so that I could compile everything and send it to him so that at least he could print for the rest.
Obviously I didn't get it.

You know how they say what you do should not be for reward? Yeah well, that may be true, but it [censored] like [censored][censored][censored] damn [censored] bloody [censored] crap when you get like no appreciation whatsoever.

What happened to Thank You or Good Job or I Appreciate It?

I can't recall the last time I heard any of you guys tell me that.
And I really want to just throw everything away, tell everyone to [censored] off and just make myself happy.
But I can't because I know what I have to do and I do what I'm supposed to do.
So please lah, help me feel better can? I'm not asking for a party, just simple words of thanks. Is that so hard from the people I call best friends?

And to that certain darling person who reads my blog, please stop reading it, can? I would tell you ( again ) in person but you declined the previous time so I'm hoping that by reading it on this blog of mine you'll actually care about that opinion and henceforth stop reading. Yes it's public and yes others can read it but you happen to be you and at the very least you could respect my opinion and 'public privacy' and stop reading.
Thank you and I love you.
P.S: I love the donuts too.