Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Mr Raphael - 'Nat looks great in that dress.'Everyone - [O.o]Rahul - "M'am, how about the email address and phone number?"Ms Fox - 'Well Rahul, they didn't have that in the 1700s did they?'Tamim - 'Ms Fox, must we write the name of the pigeon that delivered the letter?'Ms Fox - 'Very cute Tamim. But no. Cute try, but no.'[Formal Letter]Captain Jack SparrowAubreyThe VictoriaBritish Naval baseLondon, EnglandCarried by: Pigeon Chirpy31st February 1792Mr and Mrs Calamity Calamy12 York StreetOxfordEnglandDear Mr and Mrs Calamy:Lieutenant Peter CalamyIt is with great happiness regret that I am forced to write to you to inform you of your son's long-overdue untimely demise. Peter died horribly onboard the ship, Le Bastard, on the 14th of January, last year. In case you were wondering where your son was, this letter will explain it. He was fighting pirates off the coast of India when he was slain.A pirate ship had rammed its stern into our ship's ass. Peter was one of the many souls who was volunteered to fight those swashbucklers. Unfortunately, Peter fell in battle. I will spare you the gory details and not tell you that Peter was stabbed 69 times in the chest with a cutlass before being decapitated brutally and horribly. I have attached pictures for your viewing pleasure. Peter was a man whom I had utmost hatred respect for. He had possessed many attributes. He was a brave, responsible, reliable and once alive youth. His puberty easily surpassed that of men fourice his age, made irrefutable to woo our ship's female cook. Who is a large barrel-chested person named Greg. Peter's forced volunteering for our suicide mission also raised several doubts in my mind. Could Peter win? Would he die in battle? Could I ensure he would die in battle? To these questions I had no certain answer, so I sent him to battle with the deepest utmost ill-blessings in my heart. Believe me, Mr and Mrs Calamity that wishes do come true. Except for wishing for your son's resurrection. That, I assure you, is bloody impossible.Isn't that absolutely smashing?Please remember, that Peter died, passed away, fell, was murdered, stabbed, decapitated, killed and then slain. But he died for his country, and the Queen of England sends her most 'tally-ho'd ' regards. I understand that your grief is now unbearable, that you must feel like dying. As my orders have instructed me to make life happier for you two any way possible; there is a gun underneath Chirpy's left wing. Take it and shoot each other with it. Peter's spirit is indomitable, and will remain on this ship forever. Or until I hire an exorcist. Whichever comes first. Seeing as that the first priorities are a television and then a legion of bunny-maids, Peter's spirit will probably remain with us forever. If not for the luxuries, then for Greg.Greg sends his deepest regrets by the way. He says that Peter had a most unique way of shaving his...Greg wants me to stop here. Yes Greg. Please don't beat me up Greg.Yours Most InsincerelyJack 'Sparrow' AubreyArrr...P.S: Remember to return the gun to Chirpy before you die. I wish I could write my formal letter like this all the time.
Lino squeezed Panda at 8:36 PM
