Friday, August 31, 2007



Tralala, it's now 10.21 pm

And neither Yang En nor Alphonsus have signed on to send me the pending documents that I have been waiting for for the past 3 hours. I have become so bored, I have actually gone to my piano and started playing You Raise Me Up and At The Beginning.

I want to sleep early, darn it.

But I shall wait, until 12. If they don't send it by then, there'll be one grumpy Secretary suffering from lack-of-sleep tomorrow in the C.O room.

I keep hearing my parents coming back home, the gate opening. Then the realization hits me, that they are in SuZhou and I'm alone. Sorta. With Auntie Melda at the very least.

The past few days have been a major whirlwind of emotions, for me, and for a lot of people around me. I'm too tired to blog about it now, and I'm not sure that I'll ever get around to it.

But let it suffice to say that through the unpleasantness, I found the gems I'd been looking for in some people. Grateful =)

It's 1.5 hours more to Midnight. I'm confident they'll not fail.

Oh, and Shervin sings like a cat that's been banged by a car and smashes into the wall.

Thursday, August 23, 2007



You know what?
Those that don't know
And those that don't know
Can just go kiss off and die.

For the record, I've spent the last week with on-off headaches. I've had mood swings, I've had bitch fights, I've had stupid classmates trying to irritate the living hell out of me.

And that bugger Dilraj got us into trouble today during P.E? Why? Because he's a 0.25fish+0.75duck person.

I didn't take up leadership to deal with all this crap. I didn't take this up, so that my fellow red shirts who are suppose to be students of moral maturity. And people like Azhri will come and scream and shout in class. Because he's obviously brainless and immature.

So you know what? Screw it. Screw them all. I'm the one with a future, I'm the smart one, I'm the good one, and I'm not letting them screw me over.

Cuz in the end, I'll triumph. I'll beat them. I'll make sure.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007



[KFC]
Yang En - 'What's that Miscellaneous Crap folder in your computer?"
Me - 'Dunno, forgot.' [Opens folder; sees Yang En's camwhoring pictures]
Alphonsus - [Bursts out laughing]
Yang En - 'Wah lao...Linus you suck leh'
Me - 'Hehe, I completely forgot.' [ =) ]


Emerging from the ruins we clasped our 8 hands together and became one,
Made that sacred vow
Ere one that bound us as brothers
Resolute to stick together
Survive thick and thin, health and illness, wealth and poverty
Inculcate discipline and maturity
Undergo mentally and physically-arduous tasks
So that we'd triumph at world's end.

What's this sacred vow?

6 points for O Levels lah. Singaporean students leh, got what else?

Happy Birthday Emersius. Lino lurbbes you 1314 worxx.

Sunday, August 19, 2007



[As seen in Yang En's family service centre for JSM]
'God finished his work in six days, you should too. Be God-Like: He rested on the seventh day. You too.'

Something about that phrase struck me as both terribly charming and inspiring.

I've not prayed enough, I've not prayed properly, and I haven't prayed properly enough.
So let God's hand guide me, giving me strength and empowering me to endure, persevere and emerge, triumphant.
Because it all lies in God's hand doesn't it? And we all know He's the best.
Why?
God-Like what.

And to all the VSCOEXCO Members:
I wouldn't worry too much about it. In the end, we'll all understand, we'll all comprehend, and we'll all rejoice.

So smiles for everyone, because everything will work out in the end.

Please don't stress yourself out.
I said today what I did because I meant it
Deeply, truthfully, completely.
Let the bonds of friendship be
Neither strained nor tightened
But let it loop in others as well
First 'round the wrists
Then around the hearts
Willingly, Acceptingly
Because God loves you
And you know what?
I do too.
So drink from the goblet of friendship
And know we all share the same cup.

Friends. Forever.

Chen Ee's post worried me.
What exactly are we doing for CO?

Or should the question be
What exactly are we doing to CO?

Leadership
Leadership
Leadership

It's a warped warped world out there, with no definitions, no rights, and no right definition.

So we'll work and play and do our best
If we're doing well, we'll make it better.
If we're screwing up, we'll screw it up the best way.

Self-doubt haunts me like a fleeting ghost,
running and returning,
fleeing and fighting,
never there never gone.
go away.

I need a hug please?
=(

Saturday, August 18, 2007



It pains me to see old ladies picking out trash from the dustbin.
It pains me to see the old and crippled asking for donations.
It pains me to see the disadvantaged selling tissues in an effort to make money.
It pains me to see blind people singing in order to live.

So how come no one else seems to care?

Raphael brought up a very interesting point in one of the Literature lessons. It might be something so casual, and yet begets so much thought.

'If 40 people died in Orchard Road, and 40,000 people died in Afghanistan, who would we care about more?'

Naturally, most people would say the Orchard Road incident. Anyone else who says differently is 99% of the time lying. Me? I would want to care more about the 40,000 lost lives, but my heart tells me that I would care more about the 40 lost lives.

There is a war going on in the world. People are losing their lives. Civil wars, internal strife, discrimination, slavery, wars.

And what do we do when we see that on the news?
We say:
Oh that's horrible.
And then we go back to eating our dinner.

The Hotel Rwanda movie really strikes and touches the soul so deeply.

Sometimes I hate the human race.

But today made me realize how much I love my friends and family.

Thank you Yang En.

Friday, August 17, 2007



Me - 'It's startling how she short-changed you 5 marks.'
John - [Dryly] 'Yes, she must have done it sleeping.'

I am so so so so so sorry for what I am going to do next:

18/20 for Social Studies = 90 for CA2 !

8/10 ( Written Persuasive ) +
18/20 ( Persuasive Speech ) +
20/30 ( Argumentative Essay ) +
20/25*40 ( Summary )
=78 For CA2

Now, I am sorely tempted to run my mouth off saying that I rock. However, there is a little voice at the back of my head that keeps me grounded. It does this by being a needle that bursts my ego-balloon, and I stay on the ground.

The voice tells me that my maths and sciences suck. I can't argue with that.

Lalala waiting for the Literature Dramatization pictures to be uploaded.

Speaking of Literature Dramatization, it was a blast man! Totally reminds me why Literature just rocks my socks right off my fat ankles and smashes them socks for an uber home-run! Most of the plays were super funny. Zhi Yuan's falling down was realistic. Because he did fall down, his pants did tear and that was real blood. We all forgot our lines at some point or another, but in the end we still pulled off a 32/40 and that's good enough for me =)

Miss Nathanael Koh is, in a good way, ugly. (S)he's positively ugly. Ting Fong didn't memorize his script, at all and resorted to reading his script in the most monotonous tone that would put Miss Ismail to shame.

And to side-track, I left my bag in the Library yesterday night. Was pretty funny when I went down to get it during the maths test, came back with a whole stack of books and my bag and pretty much everyone was like O.o.

90/100 for SS oooooooooo

Who's this --> :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Answer will be revealed whenever I feel like it.

I cannot wait for C.O.L.T.C even though some of the future comm-to-be are really making me (or is it us? hmm ) contemplate and re-think them. The ones who were are now the ones who are not. The ones who are are the ones who didn't.

I hope that was confusing.

Church Event tomorrow with Yang En, after Da Zu of course. Hopefully I can just go to his house instead of having to stay in school or come all the way back home and THEN go to Eunos Mrt because that's just dumb, really.

If all goes well with Yang En's churchies, by which I mean I get along with them and don't get stoned to death, then I'll be going to the same church as Yang En. Zomgzorz, can you say uber-ultra bonding and reigniting of the flame of passion?

Ugh photos tomorrow bah. Lazy =)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007



Mr Raphael - 'Nat looks great in that dress.'
Everyone - [O.o]

Rahul - "M'am, how about the email address and phone number?"
Ms Fox - 'Well Rahul, they didn't have that in the 1700s did they?'
Tamim - 'Ms Fox, must we write the name of the pigeon that delivered the letter?'
Ms Fox - 'Very cute Tamim. But no. Cute try, but no.'

[Formal Letter]

Captain Jack SparrowAubrey
The Victoria
British Naval base
London, England
Carried by: Pigeon Chirpy

31st February 1792


Mr and Mrs Calamity Calamy
12 York Street
Oxford
England
Dear Mr and Mrs Calamy:

Lieutenant Peter Calamy

It is with great happiness regret that I am forced to write to you to inform you of your son's long-overdue untimely demise. Peter died horribly onboard the ship, Le Bastard, on the 14th of January, last year. In case you were wondering where your son was, this letter will explain it. He was fighting pirates off the coast of India when he was slain.

A pirate ship had rammed its stern into our ship's ass. Peter was one of the many souls who was volunteered to fight those swashbucklers. Unfortunately, Peter fell in battle. I will spare you the gory details and not tell you that Peter was stabbed 69 times in the chest with a cutlass before being decapitated brutally and horribly. I have attached pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Peter was a man whom I had utmost hatred respect for. He had possessed many attributes. He was a brave, responsible, reliable and once alive youth. His puberty easily surpassed that of men fourice his age, made irrefutable to woo our ship's female cook. Who is a large barrel-chested person named Greg.

Peter's forced volunteering for our suicide mission also raised several doubts in my mind. Could Peter win? Would he die in battle? Could I ensure he would die in battle? To these questions I had no certain answer, so I sent him to battle with the deepest utmost ill-blessings in my heart. Believe me, Mr and Mrs Calamity that wishes do come true. Except for wishing for your son's resurrection. That, I assure you, is bloody impossible.

Isn't that absolutely smashing?

Please remember, that Peter died, passed away, fell, was murdered, stabbed, decapitated, killed and then slain. But he died for his country, and the Queen of England sends her most 'tally-ho'd ' regards. I understand that your grief is now unbearable, that you must feel like dying. As my orders have instructed me to make life happier for you two any way possible; there is a gun underneath Chirpy's left wing. Take it and shoot each other with it.

Peter's spirit is indomitable, and will remain on this ship forever. Or until I hire an exorcist. Whichever comes first. Seeing as that the first priorities are a television and then a legion of bunny-maids, Peter's spirit will probably remain with us forever. If not for the luxuries, then for Greg.

Greg sends his deepest regrets by the way. He says that Peter had a most unique way of shaving his...Greg wants me to stop here. Yes Greg. Please don't beat me up Greg.

Yours Most Insincerely
Jack 'Sparrow' Aubrey
Arrr...

P.S: Remember to return the gun to Chirpy before you die.


I wish I could write my formal letter like this all the time.

Sunday, August 12, 2007



I was going to type out an entire post dedicated to Vincent's reply ( which incidentally made me snort ) until I saw something in his post

As I said, (given that ridiculously out of place example of yours). Right, if you feel that my house is to be bombed. Thats' your opinion. But opinion does not equal to right. Lets see, if the entire society is insistent on certain values, that does not change to opinion of the individual. However, steps are taken to ensure uniformity. This is the basis of civilisation. Therefore, it is certain that despite all the rules and regulations of civilized society, the individual opinion is still not unaltered. Therefore, the common opinion does not equate to personal opinion and I am still entitled to my own opinion even it YOU AND YOU ALONE DON'T LIKE IT.

You're right, common opinion does not equate to personal opinion. It's: Mine, Yang En's and Alphonsus' opinion against yours.

And yes of course you are entitled to your own opinion. I never said you weren't =)

Also, in your own words, my blog is then an example of 'steps (that) are taken to ensure uniformity'


And yes I agree with your attitude about looking at both sides of the coin and then choosing. News for you, I'm doing it too
Haha, not likely, you haven't stated an example of my side of view.

After all, I don't get anything from adding members accounts, posting on the blog, arranging pieces for the orchestra or conducting. So why am I doing all this?
It's your job to conduct and arrange? Granted yes adding members accounts and posting on the blog is taking your initiative which is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't justify you asking for your administrative status in that particular manner. May I remind you that you practically demanded it.

Why am I working so hard for an organization like that? I don't get anything from it, and not only do I not get any recognition from it (which I'm not even asking for), I get blamed when things don't go the right way.
Because it's your CCA if you've forgotten. You have gotten something from it if you haven't noticed. Plus, don't bring up the point about recognition if it's not something you're concerned about ( since you've apparently not asked for it ). And when things go wrong, shouldn't you be blamed anyway? So now what, because you took the initiative and still screwed up, you shouldn't be blamed. Instead we should tell you 'good job Vincent we appreciate that you've done the job and even though you screwed up we still lurbbe lurbbe you very much.' Come to think of it, this is what we're doing. Although you see reason to sulk.

If the committee is unhappy about it
Yang En Alphonsus and I are =) That's not enough?

its not going to be easy to convince me
That's your problem

And the second part, is just a low down method of trafficking more people to your blog
Haha you wish. Whether they read my blog or not to read this post is not the concern of that post, it's more whether they read it or not. If they never read it to begin with, they're not going to read that post and then obviously I'm not trafficking more people to my blog. It's a statement to those who read, not to those that don't.

And aren't you implying that our juniors can't think for themselves.
I'm not implying. I'm stating it. And it means that I feel some juniors don't really think, but just listen to opinions and make decisions from there.

I am not pushing all of my SL duties to Wee Bian. I am still getting the job done through him. Unless you are completely dumb (proved by your recent posts). You would have heard of DELEGATION. My job is to ensure that the TBY members turn up. I have delegated the job to Wee Bian, and you can ask him if I don't do my job.
An excellent point =) Except then you're not actually doing your job, but you're getting Wee Bian to do it for you. Might as well just make Wee Bian SL then. If you're worried about the teaching aspect, well as a senior you should be teaching anyway.

Try studying reliability in SS or History to prove that you've obviously using emotive language to try and brainwash others that you are talking sense.
Try recalling the point of persuasive speech. Why the hell would I want to 'brainwash' people into thinking that I'm not talking sense. What would be the point of the post then? Obviously I'm trying to make people realize I'm correct -.-'



In major organisations
Which unfortunately we are not.

If you look carefully, the assistant conductor conducts more often than the conductor. The assistant conductor conducts classes more than the conductor. The assistant conductor handles more fields than the conductor.
Then why the hell is the assistant conductor the assistant conductor? Might as well make him the primary conductor then -.-'' The main should do more unless I am gravely mistaken, that's why he's the main in the first place.

I hardly doubt that anyone looking at you would be able not to see that that word bitchfit would be best used on you
I was utmost serene. You however were sulking for ages.

Anyway, have you even wondered why I wanted the administrator status. Just THINK (using that brain of your I don't know how many CENTURIES would be sufficient) An Administrator status means no benefit to me and a lot of extra work. Now why am I even bothering to take the post. I quote why you said yourself "When you do things on initiative, you do it to better the organization or the purpose." Right, so I want the position so that I can help with the website. I dare to say that at this current moment I know more about that website than anyone else currently in the orchestra. Any doubts, you'll find that out soon. Since I know better than anyone else in the orchestra, I want to ensure that things are run efficiently. I'M NOT GETTING ANY BLOODY BENEFIT OUT OF IT.
In that case why didn't you ask properly?

I don't do a fantastic job in conducting (again your opinion -your PERSONAL opinion)
Ask around.

And I never did say that I don't have to do what I don't like. I accept that as a fact of life
In that case, shut up and stop whining about being blamed and not getting administrative status. If it's your job, and it's not your strong point and you're not at maximum efficiency that's your bloody problem. Go fix it and learn how to be better at it. No one's saying that you should abandon your SC job, but you better do your SL one properly first. Neither should you demand ( like you did ) administrative status. It's called asking nicely.

So what, you're saying that I shouldn't take responsibility for what I'm taking care of izzit?
Responsibility is not just being scolded, it's about taking the scolding and then fixing the problem. If all you're going to do as the incharge is take the scolding, and then complain that you're being blamed for it...then well =) Nothing more needs be said.


Ok, so now that I have ended up typing the post anyway -.- I shall rest my case. Vincent can counter this all he wants, I've said what I need to say. Whether he wants to listen and follow, or go against us is his decision. Quite frankly, as long as he doesn't screw me over, I don't particularly care. I suppose he's not going to listen or anything anyway, and will continue on in his style. Ok then, he can continue getting scolded. Apparently he likes it =) Like the taupoking.

Plus, why would Yang En or Alphonsus give Vincent administrative status if they have to keep scolding him?

Yes, I promised Danial a cheerful entry. But I never promised not to do an introspective one =)

Plus, even Yang En has managed to type out what is, I guess, his version of an emo entry . I like to think that my reflections have inspired others to start looking at themselves more instead of preferring to remain shallow and only enjoy the happiness. Without even understanding why they're happy.

Every emotion is wonderful. To be happy is good. To be sad is good. To be relaxed is good. To be angry is good. Every emotion is so distinct, so full in its own way. Without any of these emotions, how happy can you really be? Isn't it really true, that to know happiness, you need to know sadness? How can one be happy without being first sad?

And perhaps, people have misunderstood my previous previous entry about technology. Apparently, I have either not made my opinion clear enough, or these people lack the basic understanding of the English language.

I am not against technology, I am against a technology-dominated society.

Got that? Today's Wii'ing session with Kegan, Jo-Ann and Jo-Shen proved that even with technology, conversation still exists. And that's fine. That's perfect and fine and dandy and tip-top, really. As long as we're still talking, as long as we're still human inside and outside, I'm happy. Enough.

Now, Vincent's attitude today was really a kick in the balls, the 'proverbial' low note to our ice-skating elation. His do-what-I-want-attitude truly disgusted me, and I'm not afraid to say it. Why fear putting it in my blog? I won't get shot for it.

Of course, it might not be such a wise decision to post problems about VSCO members, but even though I said that actual speech trumps all others, the ability to type out, re-arrange and read all our thoughts ( as per blogs and such ) is undeniably useful. Certainly helps makes things coherent, and definitely makes the actual speech far easier to deliver in a structured manner. Plus, if the juniors cared ( and I use 'if' because I'm sure some don't actually care ) and read my blog ( which they should because there's way loads of stuff I put here that I don't care to say out loud ) then they'll begin to think for themselves too, which saves so much time. Beats screaming and shouting at them.

I do not see why Vincent would push his SL duties to Wee Bian. It's not pushing part of it, it's pushing all of it and if anyone would like to contradict, Vincent has admitted it himself. For confirmation, ask Yang En or Alphonsus, or you can go hear it from the horse's mouth, I'm quite sure someone of his dignity and stature would not deny his own words, unless of course he wants to admit he's wrong. But then again, he's not wrong about the duty-pushing.

Apparently for him, it's enough to give the excuse that he'll take responsibility for whatever's happened. Ok, so now that Tan Bo Yue attendance is in shambles, we can scold Vincent. He'll 'take the responsibility' which means the scolding, shrug it off with his thick-skinned-borne indifference and not do anything about it. Wow, how mind-blowingly responsible of him. Taking the scolding ( which he deserves ) and not doing anything about it. So why not just take away the SL post then? After all, his passion lies in Student Conducting ( not that he does a fantastic job at it either to tell the truth ) and [sarcasm]of course he doesn't have to do what he doesn't like. This obviously justifies him failing Physics. [/dry sarcasm]

That failing physics reason is something he provided himself so again, don't call it a personal attack. Of course, if at this point what you are concerned about is not that I am pointing out the problems but whether I am personally-attacking him then please either re-read, re-think or close this window. I will not deal with people who cannot be bothered to think and instead try to drown me in their shallow-minded reasons.

Well then, if we were to take away Vincent's SLship, then he'll be only the Assistant Student Conductor. Problem is, he'd take over everything Bryan is to do, and Bryan can only do his SL duties then. Now, isn't that being selfish? Not only are you rejecting the post you are given, but you would take away what another person is to do? Moreover, he is still the assistant student conductor.

In addition, Vincent still had the cheek to throw a bitchfit about not getting administrator status for the VSCO website and posting privileges for the VSCO Blog. His reason? He has been taking care of it. Well darling, if you can't even do your basic duties right, don't bitch about it. Further more, that was done on your own initiative. So don't expect people to thank you for it because if you really did it for those motives then shame on your thick-skinned face. Plus, he was complaining that his own initiative was 'not rewarded' and that he might as well 'not take anymore initiative' ( quoted verbatim ). Well, if he wants to be bitchy and hissy and prance around crying and whining over this issue then he doesn't deserve it anyway =). When you do things on initiative, you do it to better the organization or the purpose.

Of course, it is not as if he couldn't have gotten administrator status if he had bothered to think properly and ask properly. But instead, he chose to go out all-guns blazing and instead shot himself about 50 times in the head and foot. He has a sprained ankle, but the bullets sill haven't penetrated the thick skull as far as I see. If he had bothered to ask properly, in a logical, methodical and diplomatic way, I see no reason why he should have been refused administrator status. I mean, I can definitely get that administrator status if I want to, but I don't need it and neither do I want it. I'm just pointing out that it's perfectly obtainable, if you don't screw yourself up. Vincent did just that - screw himself over.

To deal with his problem, I could have just followed his stand. I could have defended every opinion with 'it's my opinion' and said that 'you have your own opinion and mine's different' and therefore it totally justifies my actions. Ok then. I feel that you need to be bombed and tomorrow I will bomb your house. Of course, just my feeling that you need to be bombed cannot possibly justify me actually bombing the house. But according to you, it's justifiable and you obviously cannot be angry with me. It's justifiable, remember?

And in that case, society can just go to hell. What are moral values for? What are rules for then? Rules would just be 'his opinion' which 'differs from mine'. So I'll go around shooting people 'for fun' which is MY OPINION?

But of course, to deal with someone's attitude problem is not to emulate his attitude problem, but to show him the flaws of it. Somehow I have no doubt that Vincent, when reading this blog, is going to be angry and call me a bastard and proceed to blog an entry of his own. And I will of course respectfully read his blog and still I will stick to my opinion. This will prove that I not only have my own opinion, but that I can look at the same issue from another person's point of view, reason and weigh the options, and still stick to my opinion. That's not stubborness. When you can logically and methodically explain your thoughts and processes, that's called smart.

Ideally, Vincent will realize that he is wrong which will be one step towards his maturity. Next, he should apologize to Yang En and Alphonsus for stressing them out so much, and then assuring them that he'll be much better and more (truly) responsible in the future. Then of course he should actually do his job.

Ideally of course.

What will probably happen is that Vincent will use my reasoning of 'smart' to defend his opinion. I will bring it to his attention right here that ( and I will copy and paste ) "When you can logically and methodically explain your thoughts and processes, that's called smart." is what I said. So he can think and try to explain until his balls explode and still he will not be able to come up with reasons to explain his behaviour. But now that I've mentioned this, assuming that he has read this far and I believe even he has that amount of common sense to read ahead before shooting himself in the foot ( again ), I believe that he'll be torn between both routes.

If he takes the first, then he admits he's wrong and that I'm right, but at least he'll be the better for it. And if he takes this path, it'll be in sincerity, so I fear not any 'backstabbing' of sorts.

If he takes the second, then he still denies his wrong. But will he take this? I doubt it, because that would prove that I can predict his thoughts and action plan. Would he want this? I doubt it. Either way, he's still wrong, and I've predicted correctly. So why wouldn't he choose the first option, where he actually gains something from it? He doesn't have that much spite. And if he does, I have far more venom.

These two actions are his only plausible possibilities. Of course I have considered others, but there's no other route he can take that won't have me ( or us ) shooting down that plane the moment it even starts to fly. He could again think until his balls explode and still be unable to.

So Vincent, I know you're reading this. Because if you're not, then you're really even more hopeless than I thought and in which case this entire post about you is mostly wrong ( except for this paragraph ) because your stupidity has exceeded, or fallen short of rather, my expectations.

Pick the correct path yeah? No one really wants to see you having to suffer. And deny it not, you will suffer if you try to go against us, and I myself will take care of that if no one else will. Be smart, and just choose what's behind Door Number 1. I'll tell you the answer : Maturity and the correct decision.


Now that that's taken care of, I can go to sleep and prepare for the mugathon tomorrow.

As Jonathan Tan Ze Sheng, Victoria School 4E 2007 has so succinctly put it:
'All Hail Mugatron'

Saturday, August 11, 2007



[Fuji Ice Palace]
Me - [ Crash collision ] 'Should make it lah'
Other guy - [Sticks out skates]
Me - 'Oh shit.' [ Crashes ]
Yang En - 'Haha WOAH!' [Collapses]
Me - 'Haha.'

Doing an MSN survey for Desmond now =)

Ok, since Danial has practically implored me to do a more bitchy relaxed post that doesn't make him feel like playing the wrist violin, I shall agree.

Kk, so today I woke up at 8.15 instead of my planned 8.45 because Dad bought noodles for breakfast and mum hollered for me to go and eat. So I drowsily dragged myself out of bed and brushed teeth et cetera. My gums bled again today, the coppery taste of blood is so common nowadays.

And I have a 'pet' lizard in the bathroom. Her name is Lizzie, fondly named after that uber Magic School Bus lizard...Lizzie. Duh.

Parents dropped me off at City Hall (an important fact that slipped my mind later) Originally, I was suppose to meet Yang En and Alphonsus at Raffles Place. Being so absorbed in my Stephen King novel, I completely forgot that I was NOT at Raffles Place but instead City Hall. Thus, our arrangements to meet on the train went all wonky. Not really a big deal for me, since I simply finished the novel on the 25min down to darling Jurong East. A place which I visit like once a year. If even that much.

Yang En wore a long-sleeved shirt as usual. Vincent was kao saiBrown Ranger. Alphonsus, amusingly, wore 3/4s Promptly made our way to the wonderful land of fake ice, snow and really cute toddlers.

The entrance fee was like $16 bucks. Thank God for that $50 from my parents today =)

Got the boots weapons and uber-sexy blue mittens that not only did not match my outfit, but made me look like some misshapen beast from deep-in-da-sea. In any case, none of the other gloves could fit except for the nice pink ones and Yang En would probably laugh his balls off if I wore pink so no no no way.

Ice-Skating itself was pretty instinctive. Swore not to fall down after that whole horrible incident at 8-years old when some guy fell down, had a seizure and promptly died which terribly traumatized me for like a minute or two I suppose. As a point to note, Yang En never did see his B.C.C.B anyway, which was the intended purpose of going there.

Instead of Yang En's B.C.C.B though ( I hear Charlene outside laughing like a demented banshee)
we met this uber-cute guy called Lennel who is 6-years old and skates damn well for his age. He likes to poke Vincent and me in the balls though, because of his height. I'm not sure about Alphonsus and Yang En just plain won't admit that Lennel does prod him in the balls too. He probably enjoys it but I shall not further elaborate.

Lennel also likes Alphonsus' shoes and using Alphonsus as a mount of sorts. He also almost strangled Alphonsus while doing so.

During our 3 1/2 hour stay at Fuji Ice Palace, Yang En made me fall a couple times while trying to turn around me, failing and promptly crashing into me. The little kids there were also dangerous obstructions because them and their fake-old-people-crutches-guide-thingies are a major hazard because people like me crash into them and tumble over. They are vicious beasts I tell you and they do it on purpose.

And of course, that quartet of girls deserve a mention too for skating towards us, almost falling down and blowing my eardrums to smithereens with their shrieks.

We took lots of pictures on the ice and the ice is really wet and my jeans were super frozen not too mention my feet. Stuffed ice down Vincent's shirt and Yang En's shirt front, the latter having the ice sliding down his arm in what must have been a thoroughly enjoyable experience, judging from his frenzied jiggling and convulsing. Of course he tried to take revenge, during which I smashed a huge ice sludge into his jacket. I don't think he noticed, and I didn't point it out so unless he reads this post ( which he better ) he won't know that for about half an hour he was skating around with this huge white patch on the back of his jacket.

Lennel was uber-cute and his voice is like Darryl's. Only Darryl's is in need of oiling because it's squeaky. Lennel's is just high and nice.

Getting distracted during ic skating is also very detrimental. I'd almost completed one round and was just thinking how nice it'd be if the VsCo- Bam my ass met icy ground in a joyous kiss.

Little children are really scary. I literally almost stepped on a little girl around like my knee height and I completely didn't see her. Same thing at Popular when I almost crushed a girl sitting on the ground, the only warning I got being her hair tickling my ankles -.-

So scary. I could accidentally kill a little child by stepping on them. How must people like Chen Ee feel? Oh wait, of course he's happy.

High what.

Friday, August 10, 2007



[Amphitheatre]
Me - 'We'll just use this half (of the stage)'
Darrell - 'Then where's backstage.'
Me - 'The other half of course. It's the back of the stage, so of course backstage lah!'
Zhi Yuan - 'Then where do I stand?'
Me - 'In the centre, in the middle of the cross-hair I mean X. X marks the spot.'

Rote-Learning should burn and die.

That sentence has basically summarized my feelings towards our education system, and I shall not more elaborate. I have other things to reflect about.

But first:

It's not often that you get to pick your subject. Well, yes, granted you do, but how many pick one of the more 'rare' subjects? Sometimes, I wonder if taking Literature was the right choice. It's not a subject that can be memorized, unlike Biology, where if you memorize, you score. Literature's unpredictable, and it's way harder. It's not just cramming information into your head, it's actually putting that information to use. It's something that has, embarrassingly, become a chore - Thinking.

Yet today, of all days, made me realize just how right Literature is for me. It's been a Literature day, you could say. Heyhey.

Walked back through the waiting gates of Victoria School, 2 Siglap Link at 8+ after my parents graciously acquiesced to drop me off. Opened up the ELDDS room, choking slightly at the musty, but familiar and warm smell. Stoned for a short while, then played Dota until Daniel called me and told me he'd be late. Darrell arrived just after, and we did a bit of the script. Zhi Yuan came, and then Daniel. Made Zhi Yuan run to the CO room to get my pencil box and the black gown. He came back without the gown, and I sent him back, then called Alphonsus. As I clicked off the phone, it occured to me how film-noir that was. If we were in black and white, and had this toughguy accent, it'd be perfect.

Darrell is damn funny I tell you. His Foxiness is really uncanny, and right-on-the-dot. And his lines as Lysander are just precious. He has, undoubtedly, the absolute most hilarious line in the entire play, and he manages to deliver it with such great aplomb.

Not to mention our various references to real-life people. *Snickers*

That's so repetitive
I know.

Heh heh =)

I'm worried about Daniel and Zhi Yuan though. Mostly Daniel, because while he can definitely memorize the script, I'm doubting his deliverance of it. It seems more like a reading for him, but it's a dramatization.

Sheepy and Iceman came down at around 12ish after completing their homework. Iceman had to go to Tampines Mall to watch a movie so he declined lunch. Yang En agreed though, and stayed on for 45 minutes to watch us rehearse =)

This is about the only time you're going to see this, so you better take screenshots or whatever.

Yangy roxxorz my soxxorz!!!!!!!!! xD

Wei Liang just reminded me on MSN that WongLiangSeng's vibrato is really spine-chillingly fantastic.

Ran through the play twice, and it's still not quite satisfactory. I'm hoping Raphael gives us Monday's lesson for play rehearsal as well, if not we'd have to use Tuesday, and frankly I'm not too keen on that. Tuesday should be used for touch-ups, and we will use tuesday, regardless. But I still rather have Monday to really practice, and Tuesday to just correct minor flaws like movement.

I'm worried though because our play is really based on movement and speech. While that might sound mind-numbingly obvious to some, it's easier said than done. Too often, a person can do one, or the other (or neither) but seldom able to do both. Without the proper deliverance ( posture, movement and tone constituting deliverance ), our play will most certainly lose much of its 'splendour' and hilarity.

But you know what? Here, a preemptive toast for our preempted success. If I can't have confidence in this, then shame on me.

Lunching with Yang En was...weird. I think, we began thinking it'd be just another happy conversational lunch. But it was more silent, more subdued, and definitely not very happy. It's not that we argued, but the topics themselves were more sombre.

It's taken me far too long to realize that people are really scared of thinking. Why think? When the media tells you, when the newspapers tell you everything to know and want to know.

Feel this way about this incident. Feel that way about that incident.

Not only do they tell us what happened, but also what to feel about what happened. If it were presented in a purely objective ( impossibility, but let us for a second hypothesize ); if it were purely informative, how many of us would actually know what to feel. Often, it is the language, the tone, the manner in which the author chooses to write that really influences. It would not be untrue for me to say that right now, my post is affecting you. To what extent, I can't say, but it definitely affects you.

Maybe Ray Bradbury's Farenheit 451 ( an excellent book and I thoroughly recommend it to anyone who wants to enjoy an intellectual book filled with fact-inspired fiction and inspiring contemplations )has influenced me far more than I've actually realized. But Farenheit 451 ( the temperature at which book pages begin to burn ) has opened my eyes and mind to the world out there. And really, the world not that.

I'm beginning to dislike technology. It is not that I advocate a return to a non-technological age, because that'd be impossible, short of a global nuclear holocaust. But rather, I see an over-reliance on technology.

Take my life for example. Was it not a mere 5 years ago that my cousins and uncles used to meet up. And when we meet up, we didn't carry laptops or handheld games or the latest goods and what not, we simply carried words and ideas. And we sat down and talked and teased and bitched. Yes, it might not have been so 'enjoyable' as 16straighthoursofComputerGames but hell you know something, it was alive. Because in our conversations, there was actually life. It wasn't just stupid chibis bonking stuff with stuff, it wasn't Elves, Dark Knights and Dark Wizards blasting stuff, but it was a real life. It was people talking, perhaps not exchanging anything revolutionary. It was the everydailities of their own lives, normal incidents that wouldn't change the world. But at the very least, there was some soul in those words. MSN, SMS, Emails yes you can express feelings through them. But what better way than through actual spoken-and-heard speech?

Now that computer games have been so damn rampant in this world of ours, it is the unequivocal thought of most youngsters to play play play play play games games games games games games and more playing of more games. Doesn't anyone else feel empty just playing games all day long? How fun can it be, and how long, living a virtual life?

A walk in the park
A quiet afternoon with a book
Drinking a cup of hot milo then sleeping on a rainy day.

To me, these hold far greater entertainment values than computer games. To play them occasionally is alright. But to have your life revolve around when you and your friends can next play that game of DotA is just bloody stupid to me.

And now, to my newly-discovered annoyance, restaurants have come up with this new system of express ordering. For those of you who don't know, this system basically has the patrons write down their orders on paper, then pass it to the chef/counter, have their orders processed and then served. It is efficient, no doubt.

But hell, if I can't even talk to the person who is going to be serving me my food, then I don't want it to be that efficient.

Life moves too fast, and I'm going to slow down, step on the brakes a little. Everyone can shoot me by, and I'll be poddling along behind taking my time to enjoy a real life. Something that involves real people, and technology. In that order.

So let me now retire to bed, and tomorrow's outing with Alphonsus, Yang En and Vincent shall be an enjoyable and fulfilling one. And in it, let there be something for me to think about.

For at the end of the day, if there's nothing to think about, that day is wasted.

Thursday, August 09, 2007



We, the Citizens of Singapore
Pledge ourselves as one united people.
Regardless of race, language or religion
To build a democratic society
Based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity, and progress for our nation.


The NDP pledge-taking and national anthem made me cry.

320th post, yay.

I would put something important here, but I'm feeling empty and depressed right now, and I don't quite know why.

Someone talk to me, please...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007



Would you carry your friend's joys, sorrows, happiness and sadness?
Would you carry with you his strengths and weaknesses?
Would you carry your friend on your back?
Or would you leave him to lie by the wayside?

8th August has always been a significant day to my generation. Born in 1992, the only hardships most of us ever encountered were paltry insignificant ones. Perhaps studies top that list, and that alone speaks volumes.

Yet how many of us see 8th August as more than 'the day before national day', or 'a half-day?' For that matter, how many of us see 9th August as more than a holiday?

Sometimes, I wonder how far this generation has dropped. Where our country's 'birthday' is seen as nothing more than a day for relaxation.

My classmates really sicken me sometimes, fill me with absolute disgust. Being asked to go for speech day, how many of them complained? People like Andrew Seow who were swearing their head off, because his small immature brain simply could not express itself any more intellectually. So perhaps vulgarities and a bad attitude is all that people like him know.

Isn't that disgusting? 15 years old, and still they are spoilt beyond imagination, pampered and lulled into arrogance. Apparently, having bad grades, failing your CCA and having a life revolved around computer games is now cool and hip. Also, surrounding yourself with people similarly mentally-retarded makes it correct.

Disgustingly vulgar and immature low-lives who possess not an inch of brain and less so moral values. In all sincerity and honesty, I'd say these people should be expelled so as to not contaminate the intelligent minds of Victoria. Or anywhere else. They should be deported to the North Pole, where their thick skulls and skin will keep them alive, and the intellect of penguins and polar bears will put them to shame. Oh wait,they have no shame. They threw that out to make space for what happened in Bleach episode 610239274.

Today, for all its festivities, contained a whole deeper meaning to it. Who would have guessed, that in spite of all the laughter, singing, swimming and overall fun, the one thing that I would remember the most, and look back with a smile upon, would be the discussion with Alphonsus and Yang En onboard bus 31 to Tampines?

When the members are wrong, is the committee to blame? Yes
When the committee is wrong, who is to blame? Themselves.

The one thing that has always intrigued me about this VsCoExCo is the amazing fluctation in efficiency. And by intrigued, I mean pissed off.

When you've explained most of what there is to explain ( because you can never explain everything ), and the person knows what to do, and yet he doesn't want to do it. Or rather, both the mind and heart tell him yes, but his personal beliefs and personality tell him no. What is left to do? Is it right to push him to do it? But that could be wrong, because that would be telling him that the right way is my way, and who is to say whose is right?

Sometimes I wish life dealt with absolutes. Like this is absolutely correct and is the only method. I think leadership is more or less the anti-thesis of 'absolution', because it's so contextual and circumstancial. How do you know what you're doing is correct? How do you know you're not screwing things up further by trying to do it your way?

And at the same time, what if you feel your way is correct?

What if both parties feel strongly that they're correct? What is there to do then? How do we know who is correct? Or do we simply choose one, and make it right?

Yang En mentioned to me today that CO is, really to him, a CCA. And that he has the passion for it, and the interest, but in the end it's still a CCA.

And how differently I see it. To me, VS has become my life, and I'm not afraid to say that. Some might call me a school slave, but I'm helping to make it a better place, and I'm doing something productive. To me, it's just as fun as your computer games, more so because I'm maturing and learning from this. What can Dota and Bleach teach you? Nothing important. Nothing. So why do people attach so much importance to something of so little relevance and practicality. It's so amazing, really, the sheer delusions of people.

I really am confused about my own ideals and beliefs sometime. Because sometimes I want to do the impossible. I want to be nice, yet stern. Serious, yet fun. Obviously, the only way is through a compromise.

What exactly was it in Yang En's words that struck me? Right now, I feel that it's the phrase 'it's still a CCA'. More specifically, 'CCA.'

Maybe I've gotten too wrapped up in VS, until it's become my life. To me, CO is no longer a CCA, it's something much more than that. And I will not tolerate any failures in that on my part. I refuse I refuse I refuse. Only the best is accepted. Am I doing my best? Nowhere near that.

But maybe, it's because it's 12.45 and I'm really quite tired, both physically and mentally. Go to YangEn/Chen Ee's blog for a synopsis of what happened today. Perhaps I'll do my own version tomorrow, but this is more important.

Sometimes I want to make everyone think, feel and do things the same way as me. But wouldn't that be boring?

I'm really quite irritated by my thoughts now. My heart supports, my brain contradicts. My friend walks his own path. Mine's near it, but not quite. Not quite enough to touch, not quite enough for contact, for communication.

It's the river of blood that separates us. I want to jump across the river and hug him and tell him that he'll always have my full support no matter what he does.

But the river laughs at that, the blood gurgles.

The most important people don't read my blog. And I'm sad =(

Monday, August 06, 2007



Today's Social Studies and English Summary totally slew the cohort man. I mean, I was absolutely agitated at the fact that I spent time memorizing the format, not to mention going for pseudo-remedial in the morning, only to be tricked by a 'How reliable' instead of a 'Is it reliable'. When I heard from Li Zhi that there was indeed a difference, I was bloody freaking pissed.

Mr BeePee Brian Pang's voice cracked during class. I wasn't really paying attention, and my first thought was 'wah, offkey.' Then it hit me what really happened. The class of course burst into laughter.

Physics was hell. Heat Capacity is such a bitch to learn. The formulas are not that difficult, and neither are the concepts. But it is so bitchingly tedious to do. Although, disagreeing with Danial, I do find Mr Imran a fairly ok teacher. Not exceedingly competent, but adequate, as long as you pay attention in class.

Planned EMD with Ms Koh and Li Zhi after school. Glen pangsehed us as usual. The Sec 3 Band guys ( Jason, Samuel, Joshua and Lee Guan ) are shameless mannn. Come inside the HOD room...

Jason - 'M'am got sweets?"
Ms Koh - "Yeah, take, one at a time.'
Jason - [Takes one, then another, then another]
Joshua - [Takes the entire plate]
Li Zhi, Me - 'Wah seh...'
[A minute later]
Jason - [Tears open a bag of breadstix] 'M'am, can open and eat?'
Ms Koh - [Rolls eyes] "Take lah take lah take the milo and go lah.'
Joshua - 'Ok.' [Takes entire bag of milo 3-in-1 and leaves]
Ms Koh - 'ONE PACKET!'

SHAMELESSS

Actually, the main point of this entire post is found in the following paragraphs. I just wanted a blog a bit about the day itself.

I 'fink' that it's of paramount importance that each individual has his or her own set of personal priorities. Like for example, I value timing, punctuality and efficiency above almost everything else, sometimes even friendships, depending on the circumstances. This set of priorities help mould a person into what he or she eventually becomes.

Yet what happens when a group of people around you do not seem to value these things as much as you?

Personally, I am a bit, ok quite a perfectionist. A selective perfectionist, since there are matters which I can be a bit slack in, and others that I am absolutely anal-retentive in getting right. Please, make no mistake in thinking that I feel other people are incompetent and lazy. This is quite far from the truth. Yes, there are people who fall into that category, but I'm referring to closer friends, who of course are decent dilligent people.

Anyway, it goes without saying that I'm quite irritated when someone turns up for an arranged meeting like 20 minutes late, especially when he arranged that meeting. To me, it's like a message saying that 'this isn't really important, and not only do I not arrive early nor punctual, but late.' It might be paranoia, but Literature'ing has definitely taught me how to read ( sometimes too deep ) into every action, every word of others. And perhaps, it has this reverse effect of making me do the same, attaching too much importance to each word and expecting people to understand. Obviously, this is unfair, because not only is the comprehension level of every individual different, but inference and interpretation is innately subjective.

[Linus] [MusiCOnnects] All friends please read my blog and tag cuz I need it says:
but it's like a maths problem
[Linus] [MusiCOnnects] All friends please read my blog and tag cuz I need it says:
you don't really want to do it because it's hard ( for most of us normal people ) but when you finish it, you feel great
[Linus] [MusiCOnnects] All friends please read my blog and tag cuz I need it says:
thinking's a bit harder, since you have to determine when you
[Linus] [MusiCOnnects] All friends please read my blog and tag cuz I need it says:
are right
[Linus] [MusiCOnnects] All friends please read my blog and tag cuz I need it says:
but in the end, it's still great to see that one more thread of thought unravelled, with annotations and marks explaining every process that determined the outcome, where you can see all the logical decisions and illogical ones

Maybe I think too much. But I always have believed in the power of the mind over the body. If you ask me, I would truthfully and honestly tell you that I believe in telekinesis and telepathy. Simply because the human brain can do so much already. If someone with a more 'physical-affecting' brain were to exist, surely to manipulate their environment with mere thoughts would not be too far out of the question. Yes, maybe it sounds very far-fetched, very magical and mystical and most certainly like bullshit. But that's perhaps because we fail to comprehend and accept that such a thing can happen, hindered by our own beliefs.

Isn't it both great and fun to think? It's tiring yes, and about 3 hours of thinking, deep thinking, can tire me far more than any physical-activity day could ever do. But it's so fun to finally finish, because you know that when it's time to deal with a situation like that, you have your entire train of thought laid out for you. Never, of course ( see the irony? ) are two situations ever exact and identical, but neither should it be too different. If it were very different, then it'd probably be another train of thought that should be used.

Blah, it's close to 12 a.m le, and it's been a long NSP day. I shall retire to bed. Well, I am in bed actually. I shall go sleep.

Nighties.

Sunday, August 05, 2007



There are a group of mats outside my house right now. They are taunting my neighbours' dog. It's very noisy and irritating.

I want to throw pork at them and spill bak ku teh on their heads.

Saturday, August 04, 2007



Me - 'Wen Jun! You're cold because of someone! You know who?'
Wen Jun - 'Alphonsus?'
Me - 'Nope!'
Wen Jun - 'I dunno, tell me.'
Me - 'Nico. Because 你 cold


Lalala.

Here's breaking news. My nice smexi laptop's busted because I dunno why and it now super sucks because I'm forced to use my old laptop. And we all know my old laptop sucks.

Sarah (My laptop) will be away on 'sick leave' for 5 days. I am now in pseudo-depression and mourning.

Thursday was boring. Lessons, then practice after school. Royally screwed the juniors for blatant defiance. Melvin is such a dolt that he can't even comprehend basic instructions. And of course the juniors would strive to emulate him because Melvin is 'fun' and 'easy-going' and 'nice' while I am, of course, 'evil', 'strict' and 'anal-retentive'.

This is definitely so true because everyone knows I love being sucky and inefficient. I mean, COME ON LAH! 6 months and they can't bloody tell a low b from a high b? Can't even play G which is an open string? I can teach slow juniors. I can teach enthu juniors. I can't teach immature mentally-retarded juniors and that is more or less what they are, with the notable exception of Wei Xuan who is actually half-decent thank god.

Friday depressed me because the entire day was pretty much wasted on stupid idiotic time-wasting shit that I shouldn't have had to do, but had it thrown on me by inconsiderate people who think I have all the time in the world to serve them and complete THEIR jobs. Found out during recess that I would have to pre-brief the PSB/PB about SLC.

It's not so much the last minute thing that I'm annoyed about, but more of the fact that I screwed it up. I mean, charisma is suppose to be my forte, and I can't even make my peers listen to me. Alphonsus, Yang En and Glen were so distracted and it really shook my confidence lah. When the people closest to you don't listen, how can you expect to hold the interest of the rest? Even though it was really quite last-minute, I still should have been able to do it damn it. It's not that difficult right? Hell, it's not difficult at all. Just go there, brief them according to the agenda, and done and done. It's bloody easy and still I managed to screw it up. Because I just suck like that ok?

There's really quite a lot of shit going on in my life right now, and I'm pissed about it. It's not even my fault, and yet I still have to deal with it because others can't. And not getting the emotional support I need really sucks. It really does. And I just want to be selfish and demand for emotional support. I wanna be bloody self-centered and care about myself and myself only because I want something in return, someone to show me that what I'm doing is actually worth something.

I want to know from someone that I'm not a slave to them and that I'm not worthless and that I mean something. And that I'm not just doing stuff to make me feel 'fulfilled' and to fill up this faux-life. And I wanna hear it from the people closest to me. I'm not asking for a whole celebration and 'Appreciate Linus Day'. I'm asking, and selfishly demanding that people really thank me and perhaps just ask 'how's your day' and tell me that I'm really 'doing something useful' and that they're 'grateful for me.' Because I do it for others and even though it's suppose to be some 'no ulterior motive' shit but I just want to be selfish and scream that I NEED SOMETHING TOO DAMMIT BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP GIVING WITHOUT TAKING.

And I want it from the people closest to me. It just occured to me that people are going to be quite affected by this entry and perhaps I'm being a little too honest but quite frankly I don't give a flying f-because I'm in inner turmoil right now.

I want to be appreciated by my friends! Yang En, Alphonsus, Danial, John, Shervin etc etc. I just want to know that I mean something to them and that I'm not coming off as some useless slave thingy to manipulate like a puppet. God damn it I don't want to be a puppet, I want to be somethinig. Yes I may be paranoid. Hell I probably am bloody paranoid but you know, I seriously feel I deserve to be paranoid because life's just sucked recently and lots of shit has been happening and even more shit has NOT BEEN HAPPENING stuff that I really want and it's not given it's not offered to me and IT'S JUST BLOODY SHIT LAH OK?

I want to be selfish. I want to swear my lungs out I want to scream vulgarities right now. I want to shout and shriek that I don't bloody care about leadership because what the hell has leadership done for me. I want to be able to yell that moral values mean nothing to me and that I'm just bloody tired of having to be so good because nothing seems to come from it and that I'm so messed up right now. I want to scream that I'm tired I"m just bloody tired and that I want to rest and I want a break but I can't take a break and I won't give myself a break because I feel empty. And I want to stand on top of the Victoria School building and just scream my lungs out scream scream scream scream scream and just scream until blood comes out and I collapse and all the anger is gone all the frustration is gone because I need it to be gone to be gone to be gone to be gone to be gone.

I want to grab people by the neck and scream 'why are you so bloody perfect' in their faces, people like Yang En and Glen and NOT Wei Liang because I don't know why but doing that to Wei Liang feels like the ultimate sin. But I want to just scream at some people and beg them to not be so bloody perfect so that I don't feel so inferior to people like Yang En and Glen who can do everything and anything and do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING WELL while whatever I try to do might come out well but it sucks in comparison and people will mock and say that 'it's good' while their rosy apple in their chests turns black with the poison laced in their words.

I want to be better and more mature and more efficient and a better person and I just want a lot damn lot of things yes I do! I want people to respect me and look up to me and accept me for who i am and what I'm not! I want to be the best because I'm just shallow and competitive like that and I"m selfish and I need care and attention that I'm obviously not getting or not seeing! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I hate a lot of things right now I just hate them so much. I hate so many people right now and it's so wrong to hate them because they are good people and they are doing the right things and they ARE right and yet because I have yet to learn to appreciate myself and transcend this pitiful level of maturity to reach that level of 'enlightenment' that TANYANGEN and GLENNGJIANSEN seem to have and wield like a bloody freaking powerful sword. I hate that shit happens to me and that I have to deal with it otherwise it ends up my fault because I WAS SUPPOSE TO DO IT BECAUSE I'M SO DAMN GOOD but haha I'm not I really am not!

I want to bang my head repeatedly against the wall until all the hatred and all the anger and all the frustration and all the WANTS ALL THE BLOODY WANTS spill out and I don't quite care if the good things spill out too because I want all the negatives OUT OUT OUT OF MY BRAIN OUT OF MY BRAIN OUT OF MY BRAIN!

I want to slap myself everytime I'm mean to Yang En and Alphonsus and Glen and company because they don't deserve it and yet I'm doing that and I'm a bloody bastard yes I am shit shit shit what the hell should I do even though I know what to do and yet I don't know what to do and shit shit shit I'm confused help me help me help me I'm soooo tired.

I want to be the Valedictorian the best PSB Vice-Chair the best CO Secretary the best Monitor the best classmate the best friend the best senior the best junior the best comm member the best non-comm member the best gentleman the best professional the best student the best one hundred and eleventy-thousand different hundred freaking things. And I just want to be the best.

I want people to read this blog and start caring about me caring about me caring MORE about me to care to care MORE and show it SHOW IT SHOW IT TO ME BECAUSE I can't don't mightn't see it so wrapped up in my own world unable to open up like the butterfly in the cocoon only not metamorphosis but de-evolution degrading degenerating dying. I want the people I mention and the VsCoExCo and my classmates and my teachers and NOT MY PARENTS to read this and I want a lot of shit a whole long list of crap that would make Jolly old saint nickolas' list look like toilet paper. I want I want I want.

I want back that which I never had that glimmer of hope in that person that I hoped I could have I hoped to be with but it didn't happen and I'm not bitter and yet it still aches because I don't think there'll be another I doubt it I don't think so. I want what I don't have what I lost what I gave up what I rejected and I want to be able to choose life again and get 100% for everything because we're such a bloody meritocratic society who proclaim ourselves focused on moralities which is actually a whole big bunch of bullshit.

I just want to for one day for one hour for one minute be that which I gave up when I decided to lead. I want to scream and shout and yell and misbehave and be the antiithesis of a good example and shock everyone with my behaviour and just get that attention I need and I want to be bad bad bad evil horrible and just be sucky because I want it and I want it.

I want people to care about me and I want it so bad.



And now that that's out of my system, I'm still pretty pissed, but a little more pacified. I like the way my posts can randomly degenerate into a screaming piece of emo mass that could probably pass off as an abstract literature piece. That's the first 'like' I've used this entire post I think.
I'll be adding a list soon where I'll add something that makes me happy. That is, everytime I blog, I'll add something to that list, something or things that made me happy. That can be my happy list and I'll look to it for happiness. Because God knows I need that in my life.

I need to pray, sincerely because it's been such a long time since I've done that and I feel sucky now.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007



Shervin - [Pours hot water on my seat]
Me - 'SHERVIN! IDIOT!


Haha, I'm back after an unplanned hiatus. Wanted to blog, but was quite busy and tired lately, so I decided that it'd be better if I blogged when I was feeling better!

ChengSanChineseOrchestra Concert totally blew me away lah! Chun and Dong were bloody nice, I found Yao Zu nice, and the General's Command was =) too. Encore Pizzicato Polka and Rasa Sayang Eh were super nice! Conductor Hu Bing Xu is just awesome, he exudes this aura of immediate respect-commandment! I am abusing exclaimationmarks!

And Yang En *ahem* =)

Monday, 'pioneered' the NightStudyProgramme with Yang En and Alphonsus. Ended up going for all of 10 minutes of practice, since I was doing sai-gang work, in addition to cleaning up the PB/PSB/MC rooms so as to avoid being caught by Mr Island lorrrrrr. So annoying lah. It's not like we never clean up, it's just that he came in at a time when the MC room happened to be slightly dirtier. Big deal lah. As if there being a wrapper on the floor will mean the destruction of the world or something. Crazy bugger.

Went down at 5 to set-up the things initially since Yang En and Alphonsus had to 'handle the Sec 1s'. Ok, so I went first to grab the stuff, enlisting the help of Danial and Shervin =) Crapped with the two of them (and Nawawi ) for like an hour before I looked at my watch and realized Alphonsus and Yang En still weren't down -.-

As it turns out, they were upstairs playing. I didn't quite know whether to be pissed or amused, I chose amused. And slightly annoyed.

Shervin kept sloshing damn-hot-thermos-water at me lor. Idiot. Pour on my seat somemore, I shrieked bloody murder. He and Nawawi left around...6.30+ I think, 15 minutes before Mr Chair and Mr Vice-Chair finally deigned to come down and join us hoi polloi.

Finished up the 1-day-late A-Maths Partial Fractions homework, getting pretty frustrated due to my absolute inability to see simple solutions -.-

Wei Liang very graciously acquiesced to buy for us McDonalds =) Thanks Imbaa sheep.

Took a mad sprint once around the school after Wei Liang came back with the food since I wasn't quite very hungry, and I wanted to run a bit. Sprinted the entire round, then ate, and Rubik'd with Alphonsus.

Took another walk around the school with Alphonsus with intentions of discussing *ahem*. Idiot Danial came from behind and scared us. I bit my tongue as a result.

Met Joshua (Eee!) and his china friends at the hostel. Managed to 'impress' them with our uber-leetsauce Rubik'ing skills.

Then on the way back, Danial tossed the cube back to us. Of course the dolt gave us like a split-second warning and I was about 2 metres away.

The cube had a great fall.
And we couldn't put it together again.

=(

Wei Liang's Rubik Cube, now R.I.P - Resting In Pieces.

Tuesday was boring. Fox managed to traumatize me in front of the entire class.

Today was ...meh.80% of the class didn't complete their Chemistry workbook which was due Monday, me included. Farrah was understandably pissed. But because she rocks she 'forgave' us on account that we attend the remedial tomorrow and ensure that the 16.1 and 16.2 are done.

And mock titration spa tomorrow. Ugh. So not looking forward to it.

Literature was pretty enlightening. Talked about censorship. It really is so relevant in our daily lives, how the media truly affects us in ways that we can't even begin to imagine. That's the power of censorship man.

And if any of the Lit guys read this: I do not care if I am not part of the 'cool guys.' As far as I see, the only thing common amongst the 'cool guys' is stupidity. Plenty and plenty of stupidity. And I wish to have no part of that. So do not think my aloofness towards the 'cool guys' is elitism. It is. And I'm not ashamed of it. Why should I stoop to their level of barbarism, indignity, immaturity and all-round bullshit just so that I can be accepted? I have my VsCoExCo and that's pretty much enough, coupled with the friends I do have in class =)

So people like Max can just kiss a cactus and die.

Mr Maran had a talk with us red shirts after school. Being the natural athletic bodybuilder that I so obviously am, I was volunteered to see if there were any renegade straggling PSLs still upstairs in the Parade Square.

I ran and my legs didn't like it. They violently protested later.


Social Studies remedial after school left me a little scared about my own ability. Thank God Mdm Kwok has agreed for me to meet her in the mornings for pseudo-make-up and remedial. THANK YOU MDM KWOK!

Sigh.

I'm super sad that Chen Ee is leaving us...
It's like, we are all so bonded together. And though he's not truly leaving us, because we'll always remember him, it's still the physical departure that hurts.
Argh...

Sometimes, I get so torn between being a good senior and my own personal wants. Not that the two are the antithesis of each other or anything, but it just sucks when both ends pull opposite ways. I think that we pretty much accepted that Chen Ee was going IP anyway, but it was still so hard to hear him admit that he had sent the letter.

Not that I begrudge him for it. No way man.

Sighhh...
And he was always my real favourite junior too.

=`(