Tuesday, May 29, 2007



Dad - "So Winston, what's the in thing in San Francisco now?"
Uncle Winston - [Grins] "Baby."
Me - [Giggle]

Yes people I am back! From procrastinating this blog entry ( mostly because of pictures ) from this morning ( your night ) to now, night ( your morning. Afternoon, actually ).

Firstly, I am super-glad that I have brought my sketchpad and I've drawn lotsa lotsa lotsa pictures of lotsa lotsa lotsa things from lotsa lotsa lotsa areas of life.

Animals - Two squirrels, a cat, a fugly chihuahua ( the chihuahua is fugly, not my drawing )
Trees - Apricot ( plant/bush-thingy )
Sports - [Kick]Boxing ( sudden inspiration ), ( Logical progression ) Surfing ( I love this one because I drew stickmen. Lazy me )
Inanimate objects - Bags, shoes, trains, pencils, drawings of drawings, electrical sockets.
People - None. Nyahh.

Yes, I am that bored. However, Stephen King stories often contain Yin/Yang, Good/Evil Smart/Stupid, Emersius/Angus, WeiLiang+YangEn/Everyone else elements. And I mean elements as in objects, features. Although the Emersius Element would be Cute, the only smiley element. Kawaiiiiiiii worxors.

The Yang to this "Yin-ish" situation would be the lack of motivation to do my homework. Yes people, Linus has brought his Ten-Year Series A-Maths by someauthorIcan'tremember to do but unfortunately he is too lazy / too tired / jet-lagged / procrastinating and the book has not yet seen the light ( outside my bag ). This is very bad, because Linus has this super huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge pile of homework already lying back at home flirting with Boofie and my other assorted stuff toys dogs. He also has many camps ( ONE!!!!!!!! ) and activities ( Sleeping, Non-homework Stuff, CHINESE ORCHESTRA PRAC WADEHELL!!! ) waiting for him. Time is running away, fast.

I have PICTURES which we all know are bloody rare in my blog ( see: Laziness ) and you people out there better rejoice. Unless you're still stuck with a crappy 56k Dial-Up modem in which case I think the 54 images will cause major blow-outs. This should have been at the top of my post as a warning but it's too late now oh well :)

I don't think I'll actually go through all 54 images lah. It's like...Wah sian, must resize some more because Blogger's a bitch and will not automatically resize it to fit my blog. I don't care what people say. It doesn't. Stupid thing. Okok, time to resize this crap. You people better as hell appreciate this -.-"

Uncle Winston's house is huggeeeee and the room is niceeeeeeee =) Wanted The Fat to sleep with me because he makes a good heat-radiator but he wants to sleep with The Dad so I got Mum instead. Good trade, since I realized I can hear The Fat snoring from NEXT DOOR.

And by the way, it's pretty damn "Alphonsus" here. If you know what I mean.


Da (unused) formal dining room.


This was taken at 8.45++



Was pretty jet-lagged that night. Woke up at 3 a.m ( here) and chatted with Danial and Shervin. Refer to previous post for slightly more detail. Or just read on. Whichever.

Breakfasted that morning at Giant Chef which is some diner on some street. Pretty nice food, with absolutely lovely pancakes. These pancakes are freaking huge by the way. And freaking nice.


Giant Chef

We went Factory Outlet Shopping after that. Was rather disappointing since lovely GAP and Banana Republic were extremely limited in their fugly range of clothes. Fugly is all those outlets carry by the way. I'm talking shirts that stretch out of size within 2 seconds.


TimberLand



Random Shots ( the 2nd one refuses to be any smaller. Damn thing )

Blah blah blah after that came back slept slept slept. Went for dinner at...er.........er.......shit where did we eat I cannot remember blah blah blah blah blah..............Oh yes ok ok we ate roasted chicken and brocoli. However you spell that, vegetables have never been my forte I miss VSCO!

Wairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Ok, second day was less jet-lagged.

Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast :) These donuts are seriously the love. As in, the lurrvvbeeeeeeeeee.


Krispy Kreme. Mmmmm...Donuts...


The donuts themselves. Deliciousssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

When I found out we were going downtown via the San Francisco MRT System ( which is known as BART ) I will admit that I was less than enthusiastic about it. The jet-lag was still affecting me and the lack of sleep was surprisingly debilitating.


The station


The ticketing booth.Horrendously expensive by Singaporean standards though. US$8.80 for a trip downtown ( SG$13.20 )


BARTy


I miss VSCO.


Starting Station

Random shots on the train


Singaporean feeling





BART'd down all the way to Powell Station where we promptly went on to a CABLE CAR!


The queue...


See that line of people? That's about 1/3rd the line


Got fancy fancy GAP at the station outside somemore! SEXYYYY


Wah, a bit fanatical lah


All the birdssssss flying arounndddd

Oook Ook Ooi Ok K it's time to sleep because it's 11pm++ here and..

We're going up to Yosemite can't you SEE?
We're going there to party and sleep and slack like free
We're going up to Yosemite can't you see?
We're going there and it'll be a damn long journey.

[Edit]
Changed Las Vegas to Yosemite. Was pretty stond
[/Edit]

Sunday, May 27, 2007



Hello it's me again.

Expect irregular updating, since I"ll be popping in as and when I feel like it to update. Boo hoo.

I wonder if Nishant's updated his blog. Probably not.

*checks*

Nope.

Feeling better and more energetic, now that the household's up and about. Going for my all-american ( we're in the land of America are we not? ) breakfast later. Then it's grocery shopping and then

FACTORY OUTLET SHOPPING!

At least 20% discounts are sexy. If there are summer sales, I'm going to have a heart attack.

Must bring the camera, must....camera.....whore....sort of.

I'm surprisingly finding myself envious of the Brunei-trip people. Except for a certain two people.

How often do you get to go on a trip with your close friends, huh?

Wish I could go on a trip with Alphonsus, Yang En, Emersius, Bryan...errr Wee Bian, Vincent and Wei Liang. That'd be teh lurbbe. Yes it would yes it would.

CO Camp will now clash with MC camp.

Oh yes did I mention? I'm now Assistant Monitor of Victoria School, 2 Siglap Link, Class 3G. And John's the monitor. Go us.

Back to the camp stuff. Can't ExFac ( the abbreviations, terminology and jargon of us modern young generation are mind-blowing huh ) for the MC camp due to the clash. Maybe I'll help with the NightWalk. Let's see if the rest of the COmm wants to stay over. If they do, I'll definitely help.

Danial, Weng Keong, Shervin, Clement, start hoping =)

Why are uncle winston and my dad using the electric drill now? NOW? IT's 7 am. AHHHH MY EARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid stupid stupid stupid drill.

Oh well, off to breakfast soon I guess. I'll take pictures. =)

2 weeks in America is starting to look wayyy too long. Wish it was just a quick week to see the sights and sounds, then jet back to Singapore.

Brought my A-Maths homework to do though. Go me.

Too stoned to think of a quote now.

It's 8.28 pm in Singapore. And *checks* 5.27 AM here in San Francisco.

Chatting with Danial on MSN now. Shervin is leaving for Perth soon. Boooooo.

Blahhhh.

Midsummer's Night rocked. Really. The play was soooooooooo nice. Bottom was so well-played out, and the actor's smooth transition into a falsetto voice was brilliant. I'd list the names, but I'm in S.F, California now and I don't have the programme booklet so yeah.

Uncle Winston's/Auntie Gladys' house is seriously nice.

Blah I"m stoned.

Thursday, May 24, 2007



[Warcraft]
Alphonsus - "Blizzard ( not my company ) put the patch on the official website, but I managed to update..."
Bryan - "ALPHONSUS!"
Me - "Wah damn cold leh. Damn damn cold leh."

Today was an ok ok day.

I'm sorry, I wish I could come up with a more enlightening statement. but my brain is currently on vacation and I am really really really tired right now. I don't even know why I'm blogging, since my eyes are like half-closed already, and my brain is literally refusing to think. It's a miracle the words for this blogspot flow, for my brain feels dam'd.

Shoot I mean blog post. But my lazy bones will not move.

Science Day today was ok lah. Only the Eggsperiment was fun, thanks to our unique Parachute idea. The first time it almost worked. The second time the poor egg, aptly named H****n decided to invert itself and end up smashing on the ground. Oh well, could have been like Danial's group. The egg dropped out. Laughter ensued.

The photo-shoots were ok. I keep ending up in the 2nd row due to my height. Or lack thereof. And the reins of self-control towards Li Chieh shall be held no longer. If he wants to piss me off along with that Bryan, he can learn to deal with someone who does not react well to constant irritation. Today, his attempt to touch my hair earned him a sharply wrenched arm. Of course, I am ever so sorry that my deflection also caused me to accidentally injure him. Oh well, it's so sad. After all, Li Chieh is my favourite junior after all. And if you people cannot detect the sarcasm in the previous sentence, then please just go burn yourself because you are dumb dumb dumb.

CO Photo-Shoot had Ze Qing behind me. =) But Daryl How got him for the Informal, since Yang En, Alphonsus, I and some other comm members ( I think Joel and Wen Jun ) sat on the ground. Emersius was buried somewhere inside the crowd, a pity. He could have laid on our laps. It would have been nice. Gabriel Chee's eyebrows would have been slightly more raised.

Sat on Danial's shoulders for the Junior Leader shot. He tilted forward, I slid forward. 1 + 1 = 2. Go figure. Ouch.

Comm meeting after photo was decent. I find it'll be a good step towards improving our overall comm. Although I am still pissed by the jumping of topics. I envy MC, and I bet they envy us. Life is just envy, envy envy. The grass is always greener on the other side. Well, my side has no grass, but a swimming pool, and it's filled with friends. So let me stop being the playground of sin. Wow, my brain is damn damn dead.

My eyes are half-closed. Let's ee how I type with eyes closed.

Hmm, not bad. One mistake.

Proposed clean-up date for CO led to Alphonsus making a very very funny face. Didn't react fast enough to catch it the first time, and the second one was incredibly lacking. It's the first time that matters so much, all the real emotion and unpretentious crap. The second face was similar, but lacking something. Feeling, rather.

And Mr Imran is really quite concerned about our class after all. Yay =)

Gosh, need to sleep, now. My eyes are damn heavy. I took 7 tries to type damn, because I was so sleepy I kept pressing the wrong keys.

Goodnight people. Immatired.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007



Nawawi - "I have a younger brother lah."
Yang En - "What's his name? Nawawa?"
Me - "Omigosh really?"

Nawawi and Yang En are the lurbbe.

This is my 272th post. This strikes me as somewhat significant, but it's not really. I don't even know why it seems significant to me.

Maybe because I'm damn stoned right now, and full. Had a nice nice buffet at Merchant Court. The food's damn nice, especially the famed Durian Pentang. The potato salad, sashimi and spring rolls were pretty damn good as well. The Shark's Fin and Cream of Vegetable were major disappointments though. The Shark's Fin taste was completely drowned by the tangy taste of the beansprouts. The result was an unpleasantly strong sour taste. The Cream of Vegetable was bloody bland. Like 1 part cream 5 parts water.

I'm emo'ing to Avril Lavigne's Innocence now. The song, not her innocence per se. She's definitely not innocent now. Not with being married and posing nude on magazine pictures.

And I feel so bad. I forgot to bring Koda Kumi's album for Nicolas today =( I've put it in my bag already so I can't possibly forget tomorrow.

Finally got my results today. Can't be bothered to dig up my sketch-pad and fill in the grades. Let it suffice to say that I have gotten 22 for my L1R5. Telling my parents that I failed A-Maths...

Mum was understanding to actually look at the paper ( which will still kill me anyway )
Dad was typically and expectedly punish-first-attitude. Which pissed me off immensely. Thankfully Mum persuaded him to look at the paper. As it is, I'm dao'ing him because I'm damn pissed with him now anyway. When he can't even bother to look at the paper... To him, it's the result that counts. Ok, so 75% of the cohort fails the paper. Maths is my weakest subject and you want me to pull out what? A f***king A1? He can dream all he wants, there is no way I can possibly get an A1 for Maths. It just cannot be done. I cannot crunch numbers like that, I really cannot. It's not a matter of trying, it just cannot, I can't do it. I -cannot- do it. He can take that I'll-look-at-the-result-only attitude for all I care. Because I don't care. Take away my internet for all I care, it's not changing the fact that I cannot do well for maths. If he understands, then well good. If he cannot, then whatever. I'm past the point of caring about such insignificant details.

Rio must have been damn pissed at me today. He passed to me the script meant for Victorian Challenge. I read through it, told him it was good, then proceeded to meticulously demolish the script. I don't care if it's beautifully poetic or whatever. It's long-winded and completely unnecessary. It's not necessary for you to show off your poetic-talent. Which is, by the way, only superficially deep. It lacks meaning, and it's only beautiful on the surface. Not to mention your idea of the play which will involve horribly stupid angles.

By the way, I've been dragged in to film the damn thing. I'm stuck with people who will act like rocks ( which is not really acting for most of them ) and retardedly limited resources. How the hell do I film 17 scenes in 12 hours with 4 cameras? 4 shitty cameras, not to mention actors who will take at least 123123123123123 takes before they even bring an ounce of emotion to the surface, which will leave me self-destructive.

Also, I heavily edited the script, and pointed out to Rio that it's insanely long-winded. He argued at first, then relented that my edits were "meaningful." When I said "Duh." he called me arrogant.

Hello? Do I look like I have the time to make "meaningless" edits? I could care less if the script is a steaming pile of noogie-crap ( which is partially true ) . But since I've agreed to do it, I'm going to do it right. I'm not saying that I"m right all the time, but if you can't even trust someone who works with the stage, then let's not listen to the government. It's the same argument you're presenting to me anyway. The "i won't listen to you because you're not right all the time." No one is, darling. But I can safely say I'm better than you. Deal with it.

Rio also seems to be under the impression that everything is going to go right and perfectly and whatever. Which is horribly untrue as we all know. I shall assume worst-case scenario and begin with the if-you-piss-me-off-I-will-throw-a-bitchfit attitude. Which is about the only way to handle most of the people in my class.

He still has to write part 2 and 3 which I asked for tomorrow. He doesn't HAVE to pass it to me tomorrow, of course. But then that means he can only get it back like when school starts. Or he could simply pass it to someone like D***** to edit. D*****is obviously very trained in drama and is definitely my second-successor in case I die. My first successor is a dustbin. Do the math.

Speaking of impossible deadlines, when school reopens:

We have to plan EMD in 1 month. This means:

Drafting
Proposal
Vetting
Informing other CCAs
Getting a response from them and their performances
Printing invites and RSVPing
Arrange Drama auditions plays
Audition bands
Arrange rehearsals

This basically means we have to pull together an event involving at least 4 CCAs in 1 month +. The month which Speech Day falls in, which also means a clashing of practices.

I cannot do it. I cannot do it. There is absolutely no way I can do it. It is impossible to pull together an event like that in a month. It's impossible. Anyone hear me? I CANNOT BLOODY PULL TOGETHER EMD IN A MONTH!

*There were a lot of expletives in the previous paragraph. But I decided to delete them because I realized I just looked damn immature. Thank Weng Keong's blog post for enlightening me to the vices of posting expletives on the World-Wide Web*

Ah blah.

I'm tired.

Boofie...

Monday, May 21, 2007



Joseph - "Eh Linus, play scissors paper stone. If I win, you hold Davis while I rape him. If you win, I'll hold Davis while you rape him."
Me - "And just what makes you think I actually need you to hold Davis?"

Rawr rawr rawr over crap crap crap results.

And my recently tightened rubber-band'ed-braces are starting to hurt again. Oooo crap.

Mum's in my room now packing my brother's clothes. The TV's on and showing the 9oClock show. Blah. Bryan just asked if I wanted to play Dota, and now that I"m blogging, I'm kinda reluctant to. Frankly. And the show is kinda good. Although the storyline and camera angles are kinda generic.

Oh wait, I wanna play 1 vs 1 Morphling(s) with Bryan. Buh bye, later update I suppose.

Sunday, May 20, 2007



[Tanjong Pagar MRT, looking at the directional signboard / map ]
Emersius - "Where's the You Are Here sign?"
Me - 'Does it look like we need one? Not to point out the obvious, but we're in front of THE STATION."

Arghhhh, emo emo emo.

Had a great day today though =)

Yesterday's leadership talk was ok lah. Saw the RGS girls - Wei Ling, Jacqueline, (Gabriel'sGirlfriend)Ada and a couple of the other PSC comm people =) Joy told me in church today that she was there, as a Girls' Brigade member. Didn't see her though, since she was mostly in the booth.

Mr Martin Tan's daughter, Megan, is damn damn cute.

Anyway,

Danial Nicolas and I raped Glen post-talk because Glen was being a cute little asshole ( in a good way, I suppose ). Met up with the CO guys at Tanjong Pagar.

Started feeling quite unwell after about an hour or so. Was perspiring profusely for absolutely no reason, far far far more than the others were. My heart was pumping like crazy, although it likes to do that of late, so I'm not too sure if it's connected. And then to make matters worse, it happened.

I mean, when something of that magnitude happens, it's bad enough. When the person involved can't even tell you to your face...I mean...It really hurts lah. After so many years, the least you could do is just have the decency to tell me straight-up. At least call, I mean. Sending an SMS might have been the most peaceful way, but there's just much anger, and so many questions left...

But I'm not pursuing the matter any further. If you want it that way, then let it be that way. It hurts, trust me it hurt like hell, and it still does, but if this is the way that it's going to have to be, then I'm not going to fight it. Maybe it's better this way. I don't know. I'm praying it is.

Anyway, the point of those previous two paragraphs wasn't to inform you all of the emotastical things happening in my life. It's just to highlight the next point.

Basically, because of how absolutely shitty I was feeling, I started to emo-emo and be all anti-social and bitchy. Snapped at Yang En quite a few times, and he was only trying to help me.

Sorry, Yang En.
Sorry, Alphonsus.
Sorry, Wei Liang
And sorry, anyone else that I hurt yesterday.

During the TJCCO concert, Yang En said something that quite struck me.

"Sometimes when I talk to you, you're so resourceful. Then other times, you're so empty."

He meant it in jest, but still it's the implication of that statement that really struck me. Do I want to be that kind of person who can only be good half the time? So I'm good half the time, and then the other half I'm a useless bitch. Wonderful. My life has meaning now.

And that brought me to another point. I'm ashamed of the way I've been treating those around me. I've been a stuck-up bitch, treating almost everyone with contempt.

If I were to meet me now, as in face-to-face, I'd probably tell myself to screw off and get a better attitude.

And that's immensely worrying.

What's wrong with me?




Whatever it is, I'm not letting it affect me any longer. I'm going to treat the people around me better. I don't have any right to belittle them like how I do now. I'm so ashamed of myself.

And thanks for the encouragement, those who have been providing moral support, and some physical support even. But this is something that I need to go through. I'm becoming better through this. It's harsh, really, but that's the way I am on myself when I see my mistakes. And I appreciate your concern, but please do not dissuade me from this. I need to experience this. I'll "recover" soon enough, but until I go through this whole reflection-exploration process, I don't think I can even begin to call myself mature.

But thanks for the help.
I'm grateful for you guys.

Friday, May 18, 2007



Me - "Oh no, I just got 49.9/100 for overall a-maths, that's all"
Nishant - "Ouch!"
Me - "Yeah, it hurts physically. Or maybe that's gastric, I don't know. "

My exam results are depressing and I now know why people resort to slitting wrists. The damn emotional pain is almost physical, yet it's just this burning agony inside you that you can't voice out, you can't drive away. It's like my heart's on fire.

I got 49 /100 for E-Maths and A-Maths.
English is a B3
Physics is a B4
Chemistry is a 50/90
My life is a wreck.

It's not really so much me. Not that much. But it's the looks of disappointment from the people around me. After receiving my abysmal grades, I promptly SMS'd my parents informing them of my results. And that if they as much as mentioned the grades, I'd have a breakdown. Which I did anyway, so it didn't really matter.

Came back home, flopped myself on the bed and just cried. What did I promise my parents and Ms Tang? I promised them good grades. And look at what I got. Look at the SHIT that I produced. Already my L1R5 is a horrendous 7+3+4, 14!

14! That's already more than my CA1?

I haven't spoken to my parents yet. I don't think I can. Even Mitch Albom's For One More Day couldn't inspire in me the courage to talk to my parents. They're acting normal, even though Mum's evidently not pleased. I don't think I can face them, yet. Not without breaking down. Just thinking about it...I can feel the tears already.

It's such a waste. I mean...I tried, I really did. All that Resiliency/Arete thing...Who cares already? They make failure sound so "okgetupandgo". But it's not like that. This kind of failure, to me, it's devastating. I mean, I'm practically an emotional wreck right now. I haven't spoken to anyone since I left the CO room. And the only reason I didn't outright have a breakdown in the CO room is because I just couldn't let myself go in front of them. Not in front of people whom I'm suppose to set a good example for.

Heh...All this while, I've been so sanctimonious, so holier-than-thou. Now I see what I really am. A failure. I can't even get my academics straight. I laughed at Max and the rest, and look what it gave back to me. My grades are pathetic! Thank you karma for biting me in the ass.

It's really a wake-up call to me. A voice that tells me " You little bastard. You want to run for PSB chair and you dare to produce this kind of results? WORK HARDER!"

But now I'm scared. I'm so scared, that these grades will affect my chances of getting that PSB chair post.

It means so much to me. So, so much. I'm craving that post, so incredibly much, and no one will ever understand why. The real why. And I'm just so scared now. Never in my life have I felt so small, so insignificant, and such a failure.

I'm scared... I really really am...

Let this be a lesson to me, at the very least. That I learn something from this. I've certainly devoured a huge chunk of humble pie this time round.

Thanks Danial. Thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks Shervin. For the crash-courses and constant support.
Thanks Weng Keong. Standing by me means so much to me.

But I'm still...

I'm really still scared.
Please...PSB...don't leave me. I'm like a desperate sailor, floundering about for something, someone, to save me, for me to cling onto. And if you disappear, then I'm to drown. In the worst kind of death.

I'm drowning in my own fears and failures. It hurts so much.
And the tears don't seem to help.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007



I'm tired.

And feeling so drained and exhausted.

Hello bed.

*Snuggles up with Boof*

[P.S: Boof is Linus' pet stuff toy dog. He loves it very much, and Boof is in no way related to Bryan Foo]

Hey Boofie...

Spiderman/Tobey McGuire - "Here, I brought you some peonies."
Audience - [Snickers/giggles]
Me - [Under breath] "Horny people..."

Lit wasn't that bad, but repetitiveness will be the death of me.

Finally decided to watch Spiderman 3. The Prefects' were watching it, the 2C Gang were watching, everyone seemed to be watching so why not just submit to peer pressure and watch the damn show.

Couldn't play the nice nice hockey-puck game in the arcade since I was in my school uniform. And worried about money since I had like only $30...

Wasn't all that bad lah, the movie. Emo parts were quite emo enough. The first part might have been draggy lah, but it was quite crucial to set up the entire fast-paced second part.

Cinematography was excellent though. I absolutely loved most of the camera angles. Except those showing Tobey McGuire's face because he looks like a dead crouton.

Went bowling after that with Travis, Dexter, Jun Cong, Danial and Mervin. Ms Sharma and Pei Xiang joined later. Stupid first lane they gave us, expected us to leave at 4. Lane got so many problems, keep breaking down, waste so much time lah.

Luckily, we decided to put our names down on the waiting list and go play SPOT THE DIFFERENCE ( A very interesting game, really ). Soon enough, we got lanes 11 and 12!!

Played three games at lanes 11 and 12. Won the first, the second Mervin won, and the third he won again. Mervin's bowling is very annoying lahhhhhh. Think can beat him, then he suddenly come in with a strike-spare-spare-strike-spare combo to beat your ass by like 1239123123 points.

Bah, cabbed back after that. Mum wasn't too happy about me watching Spiderman 3 since she had tickets on Friday and I originally declined. Until I shouted back that I already have plans on Friday. Typically, she just didn't answer, or say sorry or anything which is just so typical of adults, really.

Grrrr. But of course there are the nice ones lah. Ms Sharma, Ms Koh...Mr Ong ( I guess ).

And Ms Sharma said Mr Pang, Mr AwYong and Ms Yap can bowl. It's scary, except for Ms Yap maybe. She does have the look, so says Danial. AwYong's ability to bowl well is quite surprising. Although by far it is Mr Pang's proficiency in bowling that astounds me. However, upon further thought, I realize that it's actually not really that much of a surprise. I can picture Mr Pang bowling, he has the height and the um....look?

Hee hee. Two free days, so called. Which will taken up by school stuff and other things.

Not that I mind, because I'm bored stiff at home. Making blogskins can only interest someone for so long.

I think I'll go bathe again.

Monday, May 14, 2007



Me - "I just kinda realized that those guys got pickaxed through the chest several times.
Danial - "A bit slow lah."
Me - "No, as in, it just registered that they got killed."

Lit paper was hardddd lah. Last question was a bitch. Raphael said my concept is good. The poem was about domestic abuse, and the title was Rush Hour. We were suppose to comment on the significance and whether it's appropriate for the poem.

My (only) idea was basically that Rush Hour is appropriate because it's the time of the day when we're all so busy. That the sign of domestic abuse is apparent on the bus or train, yet we don't pay attention because we're so stressed and caught up in our own lives.

Sigh, I think I was too repetitive.

Damn damn damn.

Danial taught me basically blogskin coding today. And so I came back and tried to edit mine, which failed horribly. So....yar.

Stupid Kee Wen, pissing me off.

Lit paper 2 tomorrow, final exam before I'm free. And I'm so nervous lahhhh. Dammit. I hope it's not hard. Unseen was fairly easy at least, but I can't remember everything from the book! Significant things can lah, but I can't possibly pull every single sentence and quote the act scene line and page number for christsakes. I'm not like Wei Liang or some other person who is so smart that they can memorize 50 freaking pages of the textbook. Might as well just staple the textbook cover on your essay. Or write "refer to textbook page blahblah."

Bright side, there's the play this Friday and the leadership work this Saturday. Looking forward to both.

Shit, forgot to borrow Koda Kumi and Ayumi's albums from Danial today.

Saturday, May 12, 2007



Nishant - "Sir, that fish is going to suck your balls."
Me - [Uncontrollable shriek]
Nishant - "Ok...That was weird...."

Ok, this is a BLOODY long post. And I'm typing this out after coming back from god-knows-it-seems-like-500o words. Holy shit it's 7250 words

That reminds me

*Adds Nishant's and Marcus' blogs*

Done and done.

Literature remedial in the morning was quite fun. Raphael was bitching about having to go back to the school on Saturday. Joseph and I predictably did not understand why he was so unhappy after all there is no such thing as a saturday where we don't go back to school. Unless it's like exams, which I then have remedial for.

Ahhh, the joys of Chinese Orchestra. Which also reminds me that there's the upcoming teachers' evaluation which bodes quite bad for me especially after the whole attendance shitscapade.

And I am totally addicted to Ayaka's I Believe, not to mention Avril Lavigne's The Best Damn Thing album. Specifically, Keep Holding On, When You're Gone, Girlfriend and Everything Back But You. I lurbbe it.

Literature seems somewhat less daunting now that the structure's been simplified. Of course, the need to memorize the entire Act 1 and Act 2 does not score any Lurbbe-Points from me but meh, I took Literature and I'll stick with it.

Just realized that I might have to drop Physics. Which would suck, because that would make me a Seven-Subber and I vowed never to be a 7-subber. No offense to you 7-subbers out there, but I just really cannot take the thought of being one. I'm smart dammit, and it's just this stupid lack of drive within me that's crippling my motivation. If that even makes sense at all.

Damn, I don't wanna participate in the stupid public speaking competition le. Looked through it again, and I cannot really see the point in it. I might have to miss the CO camp, and I would rather, MUCH RATHER, attend the camp.

KEEP HOLDING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LURBBE AVRIL LAVIGNE"S ALBUM!

Um, err, yar.

Thought that they ( referring to the rest of the lit boys sans Zhi Yuan and Daniel ) were playing soccer which made me contemplate joining it, but they went to play pool instead. Since I'm bored to tears by the sight of long sticks connecting solidly with big round balls, I went home instead. Had a nice nap on the bus, surprisingly. Although there was this disgusting uncle in front of me who was snapping possible every single bus-etiquette rule there is written. Or unwritten for that matter.

Avril Lavigne is instilling in me a sense of wanting to jump up and dance my ass off to I Can Do Better. But that would look weird, my spine already hurts and I don't feel like snapping something.

The past few days have made me realize what great friends Shervin and Danial are, so if you guys are reading this ( and you better be ), many thanks to you guys for the crash-courses, bitch sessions, emo sessions. Not so much the rape sessions, because my pants don't like being ripped off for fun. But those were fun to a certain degree, lah. The MC room is like so so fun to be in , with the right people, and the right atmosphere, and the right time. Laalalalalala. Pillow fights, intensive study sessions, pseudo-orgies, shervin's attempts to gay with me thanks to Avril's songs ( which I MUST reiterate that I lurbbe ) ...Fun fun times.

I wish I were in MC...And EXCO. But since we already have monitors that are, I suppose, good enough, it's just something I'll have to live without. Unless Mr Imran decides to kick them out. Then I and Chun Yong will run for Assistant Monitor and Monitor, respectively. However, the odds are against that, since I get the impression Mr Imram just doesn't care about our class outside of a strictly teacher-student relationship. It's quite sad lah, but meh...

Looks like after exams, it's back to CO room. Which is the way it should be really, since I'm embracing my sort-of-new leadership roles.

Friday was super super-fun lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Danial, Shervin, Wei Jie, Nicolas and of course yours truly went out to lunch at Mos Burger, meeting up with Chang Da and Yang En on the way. Yang En was practically gaying with me on the bus, but it's Yang En so it's ok because I still have Emersius =) Anyway,

Yang En slapped my ass at the Parkway bus stop
I repeat : PARKWAY BUS STOP!

Hell man...It was like lunch time, and I found myself fervently praying no one saw that. Impossible, since it's Parkway which seems like it should be self-explanatory, especially to me. And it would taken something of massive distractive-proportions to draw about 100+++ peoples' attention away. I'm not talking old lady falling down here, I'm talking Fiona Xie re-filming running-down-orchard-road-in-bikini scene in Parkway. That will distract the guys. Then to control the girls, Julian Hee or Shaun Chen should run after her in melodramatic Channel 8 style. The plot will of course be visible from that scene, as it seems to reflect in the scripts that Singaporeans are completely dumb.

Apparently, MediaCorp sees fit to re-hash repeatedly storylines that are silk-thin, just because different actors and actresses are acting now. Really. No amount of star power in a single film is going to change the fact that I've seen this love triangle about 47 times. Felicia Chin and Shaun Chen are cute together yes, but it's also a very thin storyline that will no doubt be filled out by needless flashbacks. The joy. Why not just have a template, with a "Fill In Your Characters" feature. So we have the setting and everything, but now we get to pick our favourite actors and actresses. This will save us the time of having to watch the same contrived storylines again and again.

Back to the Yang En ass-slapping issue. Anyway, so after the public has been distracted by Beauty and the B(r)east, I'd have enough time to dunk Yang En's head into the nearest dustbin. And I think Si Cheng saw it too, since he wasn't more than a few feet from us.

As it turned out, none of that happened ( except for the Si Cheng thing, maybe ) and I was forced to just look shocked. Danial and Yang En were also being bitchy babies on the bus and pulling my hair. Danial because he knew I wouldn't bother to try to pull his hair and Yang En because he knew I was going after him and figured that he'd pull out my scalp before I did his.

I forgot, eventually (5 seconds later ) as we got distracted by Wei Jie and Nicolas who pang-sehed us to take a double-decker 76. The nerve!

Lunch at Mos itself was a cheap affair since I had like only ten bucks. Ebi Rice Burger as per norm. Talked with Shervin and Danial about leadership, a conversation that went deeper than I would have thought. Then Shervin smashed Danial's hand into chilli and tomato sauce which made Danial chase Shervin through Parkway. Met Jovina and...I dunno, (Inez?) there. Talked with them a while, before Danial went back to seeking vengeance. He finally slapped Shervin on the face, leaving a big red mark, and I mean chilli and tomato sauce. Then Shervin chased Danial to the toilet. I chased a while, then stopped, breaking down into laughter.

They emerged some time later, Danial's hand clean, Shervin carrying SOAP in his. Another chase, then Wei Jie threw a hissy fit over some soap spraying onto him. He stalked off to buy lunch, we hung around a while more, then went to the kopitiam to find him. Weaving through the multitude of tables and chairs made me emphatize with Pac-Man's unattractive life. Finally found Wei Jie buying fish soup and still all hissy. Bussed back to school on a 135 that stank of urine and had a bug crawling on the window GROSS!

Back in MC room, attempted to watch Saw 3,m but that has been covered in the previous post and yar go read it. Oh my gosh, I just plucked this...like weebianvil-like bug from my shirt, it was like on my shoulder ew gross gross gross.

OK OK, THAT'S enough oops caps lock was on. Anyway, meant to say, it's been a long blog post and i want to go play King Of Fighters 2003 since I am re-discovering the intrinsic fun of my X-Crate I mean Xbox.

(A Ctrl+A Ctrl-V in OpenOffice reveals total word count to be 8076, not counting this statement. Haha )

Friday, May 11, 2007



[Watching Saw III]
Me - "Oh..."
[Movie Character's bones break]
All - "OHHHHHHH....Shitttttt"

Geography and A-Maths are over.
One caused happiness, one much displeasure.
It's hard to do, but I can do better.
Yet sometimes I feel, that it just doesn't matter.

Crappy poems are born from pseudo-emo moments where you attempt miserably to be the next Edgar Allan Poe or Shakespeare.

Anyway, reading someone's blog just now made me realize something.

Ok firstly, sorry for saying it so directly lah. Note that this does not change what I said at all, meaning that if you feel offended, then yar you might still want to be. However, you've known me for 3 years now and you ( of all people really ) should know that I really prefer being straightforward. It's honest, maybe brutally so, but...

I mean, I'm not trying to hurt you, really. But please know that I will not say something like that unless I really mean it, because I know it's important to you. If you think I'm hypocritical by acknowledging it's important to you, then criticizing you, then think again. I'm not trying to insult you, but it's just really how I feel. And if you are shallow enough to think of insulting me and claiming it as "your true feelings", then whatever.

Maybe it's just the way I've grown up lah, being the punching bag for my family. I've pretty much learnt to take insults, for better or worse. And I'm not that kind of person who can be all passive and just take it like that, not all the time at the least. I know when it's joking, and I'll retort with jokes of my own also.

But I've also become that kind of person who has to be straightforward. It's not to say that I cannot be subtle, because I can be, but I prefer not to be. What's the point, if there's the risk the message you're trying to convey gets confused? Aren't you doing more harm? Of course, there's always the possibility that it might be serendipity, but if we all thought that way, nothing would be accomplished and what good would that do?

I'll be subtle when I see the need to be. I've always criticized to the point, and until I see a need to change, I'll continue this way. It's not as if I'm criticizing every single little thing like fashion ( Danial: coughcough drawstringswithsandals I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!!) or whatever. Maybe it's harsh, I don't know, I wouldn't be hurt by those kind of comments. Thick-skinned, resilient, or simple immaturity, I dunno. Let's find out.

In conclusion ( thankyougeographytraining ), I meant what I said. Maybe it would have been better to have used a euphenism, but either way, my statement still stands.

Now onto a happier note,
or not, really, depending on how you look at it.

Saw III today was the most delightfully gut-churning movie I've watched in a lonnnng time. Danial, Shervin, Nicolas and I originally gave up, but after Syamil and Marcus showed us Arete'cy, we ended up watching the movie. Tis horrible, especially the Angel Trap. Brutal, brutal brutal. Especially the last scene where the doctor's head got blown up and it was like spaghetti splattered on the wall behind her.

And there was this scene where a judge got shot in the head. Danial said that he went nuts for a second, which explains why when I turned away ( because immahumjikia ) I saw his eyes like literally er...how do you describe it.... His pupils sort of ...dilated, I guess, then refocused. Wanted to ask him, but then forgot about it.

The whole bone-breaking bone-ripping bone-crushing movie was definitely powerful, the best acting of the Saw Trilogy according to Wikipedia.

I wonder how affected and traumatized the scriptwriters must be. It must take a genius, or a sick sad twisted sadistic mind to produce such a simply sadistic flick.

But the movie did have a meaning to it, lah, despite the bloody ( pun intended ) storyline. Especially since the "Jigsaw Killer" is really more of a vigilante than homicidal killer...His protege is more the evil one. But anyway, I've certainly seen a better view of my life.

I mean, my life sometimes sucks. But that just because I'm saying it. Compared to others, my life is like heaven. A warm home, close friends...I mean, if I say life sucks, I'm just wallowing in self-inflicted misery. Such people deserve misery anyway ( which is a paradoxical conundrum that I will not even try to discuss ) since they obviously so desire misery. Or is it attention? Hmmm?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007



Shervin - "Stupid Clement. Never win Dragon Boat Regatta-"
Me - "Uh oh."
Clement - "You shut up!"
Shervin - "Then say people cut lane."
Me -"Oh, you die."
Clement - [Jumps onto Shervin] "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Chemistry turned out decent. Thanks to Kay Fong who sent me a chemistry paper last night. The flow chart inside is exactly the same as today's paper. Although I still screwed up, since I put Hydrochloric Acid instead of Nitric Acid. Damn.

And my Selenic Acid is wrong too, darn it.

But thank you Wei Liang for telling me about Ammonium Chloride breaking up into Ammonia and Hydrogen Chloride. Saved me 2 marks today.

Kinda reluctant to drag my ass to my bed to study Physics. I mean, ugh, seriously ugh. Yesterday's Chemistry Crash Course was damn good because I actually like Chemistry. Physics is just so ugh.

Still thinking of Friday's AMaths + Geography killer. I'm going to break down and cry after the exam, even if it's during the literature make-up, I swear, especially if I forget my geography.

Wondering if I should mug geography tonight and let Physics burn and die. I mean, I can actually score well for Geography, Physics is just hopeless lah. Screwed up too many tests already.

And then again, if I screw this up, then future attempts will be even worse. And then again...

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh spluttergurglechoke.

I need to throw a hissy fit. Lately my stress has been manifesting itself in form of spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter and shrieks. Clement, Danial, Shervin, Pei Xiang, Joshua will all gladly testify to that.

Ahhh, at least it's stress reliever.

Bye bye, off to mug Physics after all. Then I think I'll smash my head in the book. Just smash it into a flat bloody pulp. Squashsquashsquash.

Perfect.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007



It is 9.55 the night before my chemistry paper and I cannot find my qualitative analysis notes. I am currently finding it quite funny which attests to my insanity right now.

Many thanks to Shervin and Danial for that 3-hour Chemistry Crash Course today. The three of us really got things done today and if you think sick about that statement go kiss a cactus plox.

You stupid wordcheck plox is a word it totally is shit I'm damn screwed up now

I am currently damn tired and I cannot sleep because I am worried sick about the cations and anions for tomorrow's test. Despite Shervin and Danial's crashcourse today, I'm still not confident about tomorrow's test especially if definitions of words come out because I'm really not good at that.

Nitride Nitrate and Nitrite all sound the same. Shittttt lahhhhh die liaooooooooooooooooo.

And black shirt interview on 24th MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS LAH! STRESS LAH STRESS LAH!

Wah piang I am really damn damn dead le lah. Friday got the wonderful A-Maths and Geography paper which is undoubtedly going to slay all of us poor students suffering under this overly-meritocratic academic system.

AMaths and Geog on the same day. Wah laooooo how can. Damn tiring leh. After paper sure everyone wanna cry like that. Except for people like Daniel and Chun Yong who will rejoice because that's another 2 A1s for them curse them curse them.

17/25 for my lit test does not bode well at all dammmmmmmmmmit. that's like a shitty 17 x 4 * counts * errrrrrrrrrr 17...34 68 SHIT THAT SUCKS MAN THAT"S NOT EVEN AN A2 LAH BLOODY HELL DIE DIE DIE.

Worst come to worst, I'll write the prose one lor. It's a lot easier.
Man sometimes the subjectiveness of Literature can really be such a hindrance. I mean, I had trouble identifying the insanity in the poem because well I'm not really like able to judge such sanity-related things considering the little amount that i have.

Wahhhhhhhh piannnnnnngggg ehhhh

And I just remembered the physics paper on thursday which again will kill me. Damn. There goes Lr15 of below 10 le. Can just flush it down the toilet already because it's GOING TO DIE!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Monday, May 07, 2007



I've left out a quote because i seriously cannot be bothered to think of one and interrupt this lovely train of thought that I wanna blog about.

Added links:
Nicolas Yee
Kevin Ng
Jia Cong
Marissa

Updated: Jonathan Tan

Anyways

It's exam time again hoo hah and it's that time we boys all start having pseudo-periods and mugathons and hissy fits due to the (stupid red underlines I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! ) exam stress. And there's that stupid laughing sound outside my window again. Either it's some funny pipe-gone-wrong thing, or my house is haunted by a ghost who only laughs and laughs in which case it's not spooky just irritating.

Anyway, Social Studies pa(SHUT UP YOU STUPID LAUGHTER) errr paper today was pretty ok. Question A was a bit of a downer, since I had no idea why the picture of the ERP gantry was taken. From now on, I shall actually read the stupid provenance.

And my SEQ is lovely. It's like regurgitating the textbook. Only since I didn't follow 99.9% of the typical Singaporean attitude and put the textbook into my brain, it came out a bit of a vomity-mess. Kind of like mee siam with a bit of chilli sauce and a lot of grass and mud thrown in with a few fish balls. I hope none of you are reading this during dinner.

The E-maths paper was irritating. It was easy, but the answers wouldn't come. Did parts and pieces and bits here and there. Wasn't that bad lah. But then again, this is ever-meritocratic Singapore. That paper with my O'Level results will decide my future and that's not something I'm particularly happy about but I ain't no minister or such and therefore will not propose a change of system.

Oh, and I just got hit by the RI-Cross-Country issue.

"We ingrain into our runners that champions don't collapse."

Hahahaha very funny. You see, for those of you who are clueless, AN RI cross-country runner pushed our runner ( in first place ) down on the ground.

I rather our runner be down, find the strength within himself to pick himself up and carry on. If cheating is so important to you, then look to your school. It's the top Boys School in Singapore, and apparently you can cheat.

Not only does the boy's action hurt, but when the school can proudly proclaim the above in quotation marks, it's a low blow man. You won by cheating, good job. I hope you're proud of yourself because then at least someone will be.

Is it that important, Cross-Country?

Some might argue that if Cross-Country wasn't important, then why would I be discussing it. Well, as you can clearly see, Cross-Country brings out the best and WORST in some people. I'm damn proud of our runner, for being able to pick himself up. He lost his place, but he has dignity. He can lift his head up and say "I would have been first. Someone cheated, and I did not return the insult." That is what the Victorian Spirit instills in us, dignity. Cheating? Go burn please.

You've won one year. Wait till next when we, armed to the teeth with the Victorian Spirit, go down to Turf City and sweep the prizes. Enjoy the victory while it lasts, it'll not last long.

Speaking of things that irritate me.

I've noticed that on buses, people like to whip out their handphones and talk very loudly. As in, sometimes practically screaming into their phones.

Why?
Is it cheaper? More convenient? Cooler? Faster?
Do you want to let the entire world know your conversation? Which by the way seems to be the intent since it's mostly in several different languages/dialects which more or less allows lots of people to understand. Then you'll call them a busybody. And you're the one trying to blast their eardrums out.
Or is it just to irritate people by letting them hear everything you say. It's not that I'm against the use of handphones. But I do not see the point of shouting into the handphone. Unless the person on the other end is hard-of-hearing. In which case I advise hearing-aids or SMSes.

And there's people who sing on buses. I understand that you are deluded enough to imagine yourself the next Whitney Houston or Ray Charles but please you are not. There's "Freedom of Speech" and then there's "Hurting People." You are doing the latter, please stop. I like my hearing and listening to you butcher a perfectly nice song with your 1-octave range makes me want to stab a kitten. The "singer" on the bus 76 today managed to go so completely off-key that I contemplated self-destruction via repeated head bangings. But that wouldn't be nice.

Congrats, you hit your B-flat! And I really mean flat, like 8 semitones flat. While it's not exactly pleasant to have to endure the wailings of what seems like a constipated banshee being castrated with a screwdriver, I shall endure it. Because killing myself in response to their B-flat sounding like an F-Idunnowhatshit would hurt their fragile psyche.That is, if their voice hasn't already shattered it.

Grrrrrrr...

On the subject of self-destruction, I was thinking ( after reconnecting my ears ) what would it be like if I were to die like let's say 5 days time.

I would be damn angry I think. It's not that I'm dying that I'm concerned, but that it's such a horrible time to die.

This is Sec 3, the most fun and enjoyable period of my life. I mean, red shirts, leaderships, possible black shirts, classmates, classes, CCAs, I can't leave it now.

I've accepted that I'm going to die, someday somehow. But I plan to leave my mark ( positively ) wherever I go.

There's just too many things to do before I die. Now, I'm really only Sec 3 and it already seems to impossible. What more when I graduate, go out and work, grow up? What then?

There's that cliched saying "Do today what you can do tomorrow" . That's so true, but yet so hard to do. It's that motivation I'm lacking, that drive to kick myself in the ass and say "DO IT NOW!"

Plus, I still need to love God. Which I cannot do right now because I'm lazy and uncommitted. I could say I'm busy, but I know and He knows it's crap. Materialism is such a vice, really.

Damn.

The road of self-improvement is dark and fraught with obstacles.
Let God, my friends and family be my guiding lights.

Friday, May 04, 2007



Dilraj - "Linus, I-"
Me - "Dammit, Dilraj! I thought you weren't going to talk to me anymore! YOU PROMISED! HOW CAN YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISE! DON"T TALK TO ME DAMMIT!"

Ahhhh

*Contented sigh*

A 6-day blogging hiatus is weird. Every day for the past few days, I've logged on and come to this page, but get distracted by weird stuff on Danial's blog and other assorted stuff.

English Paper today was a killer. My narrative has a loophole, my comprehension and summary are complete bullshit and my magazine report is so boring that I almost fell asleep reading my own report. Jeez!

Mugging in MC room is a risky business. Learnt a lot from Ms Sharma's Social Studies crash-course yesterday. Today however was an unabashed playtime from 2~6. Pei Xiang raped Sally the doll. Clement, Danial and I laughed uncontrollably, Nicholas "Hot Bod" Chan tried to divert his eyes. He soon left since the once conducive environment was irrefutably ruined.

And a stupid bus driver accused me of not tapping my EZ-Link card and being dishonest. Turns out that I did tap; although I didn't bother to correct the bus driver since he had that pissed-off face that I feared my hand would reach out and smack if I had further communication with him.

My hopes of leadership have been rekindled. Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem are really important. Why mope and wallow in self-inflicted misery and depression. I know I'm good, and I'm not afraid to say it.

Heh heh, that sounds so zi lian but whatever.

I miss the RG girls. AhKeong and I ( and Danial Yap and SHERVINTHESCOUT ) saw a KC girl that looked like Annie. Ahhh

ZhiXianrrr if you read this I appreciate the talk we had that night lurbbe you loads.

Bimbotic person that I am, I made a major faux pas today. Danial and AhKeong ( who has a depressingly short attention span apparently only for me ) were patient enough to explain what a NETS card was. Needless to say, I want to apply for one. However, since I cannot trust myself to be mature enough in my spending, I shall wait till the exams are over, and hopefully think about it in that time. While simultaneously completing my due revision work of course. I ain't no slacker. Not the most hardworking self-driven guy you'll find, but I don't slack when it gets down the crunch. And the crunch is here baby.

Oh yes, the MC room is also very traumatizing. Yesterday, Chun Yong Danial Yap Clement Kua and Pei Xiang took the liberty of abruptly grabbing me and holding me up in the air with each of them holding a limb. My pants were stripped off. Then I was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor while struggling to pull up my pants. Then Nicolas Yee walked in. Thank God. That it wasn't Ms Tang I mean.

And today the same thing happened. Only this time I was really thrashing around. Danial and Hans received many deep scratches, Clement got kicked in the pelvis. Pei Xiang I managed to kick in the stomach hard enough for him to stagger back and fall into the big P.S.C Singapore box.

Those evil fags.

Ah well, it's 10.30. A-Maths remedial tomorrow by Pang. I'll bring newspapers =)