Thursday, March 30, 2006



Spring

Seep seep spring into me
Leave the winters of nebraska out of my mind
Let the derw drops resonate and shine
Spring, recreate natural wonder with a tree
Spin up a life-soaked embryo
With roots branching off, down to its knees

Let us not waste so much time
Understand, mother
that the warmth is kind.

Cut the throat of the white winter
spill the blood to fertilize the land
As a ritual of time and fertility
As time runs up the grains of sand
I dig my hands in the earth and pray
that the spring will always come in the end
and though the leaves and people in this town pretend
Let there be spring in the end

Make the useless road diverge
Revoke natural laws
Force and evolution
and emerge
into new life.

Poem for Literature =3

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Holidays have come...and almost gone

"What are you saying? That my unyielding nagging for highly extravagant stuff that I don't need and won't use is what you call...unreasonable?" -Me

Woo hoo...Haven't blogged in a long time. Just surfed blogs, noticably John's and Victoria's. Both have such different styles, yet have 1 similarity - They make damn good reading.

It's Thursday. Skipped CO today, just did -not- feel like going. I went for the camp on Monday which is worth like 5 attendance so...yar.

Tomorrow's the El CIP and Army Daze! Can't wait for Army Daze, I've heard it's really really good. Of course, the fact that it's been extended for 1 week should already be a damn obvious clue but we all know I'm half-blind. A bit worried about El CIP though...Apparently, we're suppose to be selling stuff...But we all know how my charisma is really just downright honest, creepy talk.

Oh yes, Justin apologized to me on MSN yesterday. If he hadn't broken a train of thought, sending the train smashing into the ground, throwing the thought people off the train to smash on the ground and die a horrible imaginary ground-smashing death, I would have cared. He says he's "Sorry for whatever I've done in the past". Well boy, you have A LOT to be sorry for. But don't worry, I do forgive people and if you continue to show maturity, you'll be forgiven...Some day.

Stupid maple is down again...Damn cheap G(ay) M(orons) bastards. First they have a 6 hour long patch, extend it to 7, then give us this SHITTY patch that doesn't work. Oh yes, the auto-patcher is bitchass broke too which means that the damn thing sucks. CORRUPTED SHIT!

Finally managed to download the patcher to patch maple today. Played for a while, got to 42%. I'm getting bored of Maple...But I need to beat Victor. Am I too compeititive? Probably, I HATE to lose, more so than a lot of people.

I'm on like a food-eating spree now. I'm starting to eat and eat...Trying out all those simply delectable morsels of food is mmm....heavenly. Eating the Oreo Cheesecakes from Secret Recipe is ...oh god...It should be a SIN to feel so good. Gosh, this sounds sexual.

I'm seriously behind on homework. This is really NOT the attitude of the Peer Leader I want to be. I have to change...I need to change. But I"m seriously lacking in the willpower to do it...If only I could draw strength from something or someone, anything/anyone who could provide enough support for me to change. What if I don't become a peer leader...

People say life has to go on, but I'm sure I'll be crushed. I can bounce back rapidly from some setbacks, but a setback this large is surely going to destroy my morale for days, perhaps weeks. I really should change my ways.

People ask me why I'm so sarcastic and sometimes so cold. Truthfully, I'm not quite sure. I'm still struggling to find out who I am and what's my personality. It's like I have this damned personality war within me. I'm sure I look normal ( shut up Danial/Nicholas ) but I'm being torn apart inside. I've spent countless nights just looking at the ceiling, wondering if I"ll ever find myself...

Wow...I sound so emo, so unlike me. Is this normal for a 14 year old like me? I"m sure I"m not the average 14 year old. My thinking level is almost surely completely different from others. I notice how people talk, how they move, how they react differently. Some people react the same way whenever similar situations arise, but some respond drastically different even with similar stimuli. I really should take up Psychology.

Anyone out there ever wondered, as in, really wondered why we live? I mean, we are born, live our lives, and then we die. But what happens after death? Is there really an afterlife? Is reincarnation true? Supposing neither is, then apparently we just cease to exist. We are created and then we are gone. Really makes me wonder, then why do we even exist. Surely there must be a purpose for all of us to live. Some take the wrong path and do harm to others, but some reach greater heights and bring us good. But again I ask the question, why? WHY? Why does ALL THIS happen? I'm sure there's a purpose for this. If you stop to think, really think about it, you realise that the Earth is just a piece of land on which people are born and people die.

Sometimes, I just really wish that I knew the reason we were even created....Wonder if I, or any else, will ever be able to transcend the current level of thought and acquire that kind of heavenly knowledge...