Friday, September 16, 2005

Reflections

Oh, of course you're not my maid, Kor. Maids get paid... You're my slave. - Mi

Wow...Holidays have come and gone in the blink of an eye. It's been one week in school and my teachers are speeding through chapters while my friends throw themselves into their studies with fervour and zeal.

These few weeks, I've come to really love Victoria School. It's weird you know. It seems like not 1 week ago, I was a newcomer to the school and pretty awed by everything. Now I feel that I've been in the Victorian Community for eons and I wonder what that feeling will be like when I've reached Sec 4. It's really fun to be in this school, great friends, wonderful teachers and fantastic activities all combine to create a place that might be considered Utopia if not for the occasional downs.

Final term, and I'm still slacking like it's the first. I'm trying to bring myself to study but I can't find the willpower nor the attitude to. I always wondered what smoking addicts felt like when they really wanted to quit, but couldn't. Now I know. It's not a nice feeling when you know you have to do something, that it's the smart decision but somehow, you just can't will yourself to do it.

Ever since the holidays, I've had this unexplainable edge to me. I seem to fly into a bad mood more often than before and it's seriously stressing me out. Somehow, I think it might be the consequence of the guilt about slacking, but yet I doubt it; I feel that it's something else. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon. It's not easy to restrain the desire to lash out at someone and the effort is really getting to me. I don't think most of my friends noticed on the first three days (Mon, Tue 'n' Wed), but on Thursday and today, I flared up and snapped at a few people. However, I don't think really know when I'm in a bad mood, I don't doubt that most of them put it down to my sarcastic and "evil retard" nature. Mervin got the worst of it and I feel so damn guilty about flaring up at him. After all, he wasn't responsible for the noise that caused Mr Gabriel Pallai to hold us back for recess. Although he didn't help by singing the stupid french movie song...