Hmmm

RollerCoaster

2011-02-26T01:02:00.003+08:00

The last post was Dec 31st.
Zomg.
Now it's Feb 26th.
Z-Z-Zomg.

Actually I'm just updating cause I told Sherlyn that I'd be updating later and I figured I won't be updating later as in Saturday's later. As in, 9pm onwards kind of later. But I promised a post later and now's technically later than previously so I'm not renegading on my promise.

If you didn't understand any of that, tl;dr: Yay I'm updating.

Having tonsillitis for the [Just got super distracted for like half an hour reading about Charmed] past week has sucked bad. not able to go to work, can't really go out and it's just annoying overall.

kk i just realized i don't have much to blog about.
maybe i should just close this blog.

i dont have that urge to blog anymore. i don't know why. i guess it's because i don't find blogging a need anymore, not even a want. i don't need somewhere to express my emotions when, well, i have friends. and blogging has lost its interest, it's spark for me.

i think i need to blog in my regular fashion. disjointed sentences have always been the best for me. because at the end of the day i look back at my posts and i remember exactly what im talking about.

2 years ago i never would have expected all this to happen. things have changed, they've changed so much in a way in a fashion that just blows my mind. i guess i have the great Father up there to thank for all of this because without His hand in my life, tonight never would have happened. maybe today wouldn't even have happened. maybe there wouldn't even be a today.

i mean, relationships have changed so much. no wait, friendships rather. let's face it, without His help I probably never would have healed my friendships with people like A, K and G. why do i keep their identities secret? i dunno, guess it's just something i wanna do.

a level results are coming out and im scared. army's coming around and im excited. but the former's before the latter and that could make it either awesome or horrifying and ive this terrible feeling that it's the latter.

sometimes i feel so overcome with emotion that it chokes me up and i have nowhere i can unleash all this emotion. yes i have Him up there but sometimes we just want a real-world physical outlet and its scary because sometimes i just cant control it and it all comes bursting out in a torrent of energy that can be either so creative or so destructive or both.

sometimes i really wonder if im crazy and whether other people have such experiences of wanting to unleash all their emotion. i feel like im trapped inside a bubble that just wont burst and i need it to burst because im going insane with all my pent-up energies just firing around the bubble and smashing back into me and re-energizing me and then firing out again and oh god it's so scary. im afraid one day that im actually crazy and all these energy is just going manifest itself in a violent outburst which is uncharacteristic and i figure its actually highly unlikely but it could and it might and oh god that's just really frightening.

i guess this is expected from the guy who likes to imagine an octopus climbing up the MJC rockwall while running around the track. that's normal for me. john lennon is normal for me. i can hear a sound and see a triangle for me and thats just weird and not normal and i dont want to be normal but i dont want to be this abnormal as well.

life is so uncertain for me and theres just additional pressure coming from nearby sources that i know i have to deal with and i know i have to deal with it positively like not seeing it as pressure in the first place. but oh lord i just cant and its difficult because at the end of the day im just nineteen and i cant deal with this kind of stuff. i dont care that other nineteen-year-old kids or younger have shown greater bravery or greater fortitude because eff them my life is different from them my life is so much more different in ways that may or may not be good. but its so different and how am i supposed to show that kind of bravery and fortitude and its sickening when people tell me i need to do this or do that because this is what brave people do. well suck it i say because not everyone can be brave all the time.

for that matter im kinda sick of people taking me for granted. not that im saying certain people take me for granted consciously in a 'let's abuse him' kind of way but their actions certainly reflect that because they expect me to be up-to-standard 100% and hello i don't know your freaking standard so make it clear before expecting me to live up to it. i cant read your mind and i cant predict what you say and it frustrates me when people just cancel this and cancel that with me and are all like 'i'm so sorry' and sorry but sorry doesnt bring back the time i set aside for you and to spend time with you but dont worry you just go ahead and cancel and i'll just smile and say it's okay. because im the nice guy and if i don't say that, i'm suddenly the bad guy who's all mean and shit and what the hell like i'm not allowed to be displeased at inconveniences to myself especially when these inconveniences are retarded.

not that all cancellations are inconsiderate but there's times when oh screw this this point should be very clear and im not going to bother spending time explaining how my aforementioned point(s) should be taken with context and people saying 'but some cancellations are okay' and yeah they are but i cant be bothered to explain every single scenario because people are too stupid to look at posts and spend some time thinking.

i hate it when people cancel on me because i really set aside time to invest in spending time with that person and when its cancelled i've got to re-figure out what im going to do with the little time i have. 24hours a day is enough and its more than enough if stupid little things stop getting in my way.

perhaps this is why i have so much pent up energy because little stuff just builds up and all the resentment and annoyance and anger just gathers and gathers and subconsciously feeds into me and i have no idea where all the excess energy is coming from. and that's why i need to release it before i explode into some violent rage because the root of this energy is negative and i sound like some retarded chi idiot that's going you need to focus all your negative chi and expel it or else some ten-headed dragon is going to come up and mess up this world.

i was angry at my friend
i told him so my wrath did end
oh how unlikely. in this world you cant even tell someone you're angry without them judging you and then telling others so others can judge you omg he's angry about that but that's so trivial and everything he's so petty and blah blah blah i hope a giraffe kicks you so hard that the vaccines are destroyed and you have to get immunized again.

i dont want to be taken for granted and told about how im such a nice guy
because if nice guy means you can bully me and take advantage of me then i dont like being the nice guy.

at the end of the road i still very much like my life but why must there be these tiny imperfections that are so jarring.

screw this.
i've got family
and i've got friends who can be considered family.
and i really wanted to end on a positive note but once again i feel energy swelling up inside of me and my limbs tremble and i wanna just jump out of my seat and jump around for like minutes until all the energy is gone but that's just crazy which is suitable because at the end of the day i think im crazy for being a nice guy.

nice guys dont finish last.
they just don't finish at all.

...
and yes i think blogging still works sometimes.

Year past, year come.

2010-12-31T21:49:00.002+08:00

What does 2010 mean to me?

I'd type out a long post.
But sometimes pictures just say it so much better.

...
and yes it's time for Watchnight Service =)

Journeys and Returns

2010-12-18T00:56:00.002+08:00

Are you back yet?
Cause you've gone and you've left and I stood behind and just watched
and it was painful because i was behind
and it was painful because i watched
and you went and you left and there was nothing i could do about it

and now you're back but it doesn't feel like you're back
i would rush to meet you love to meet you love to be with you
love you
but you've gone and you've returned and no no something's missing

you went over the edge and you got hurt cause you dropped something
yes
something dropped didnt i yes it did it dropped and you can't find it
and you tell me you cant find it and i watch and i hurt inside

i just want to hug you and tell you that it will be okay
that i've been here and i'm here and i will be here
forever and ever
but forever and ever means nothing to you
because forever and ever isnt a happy ending of the fairytale
but the cruel, brutal sharp murder of happiness

oh temporal happiness.

there isn't any forever and ever for you
but we could be together forever and ever yes we can yes we can we can you must believe me
forever and ever means nothing to you
but if i cannot be with you and make you happy forever and ever
then i will just stand behind
and hurt and just hurt and continue hurting and continue watching

because if i cannot give you forever and ever
then i will hurt you
and forever and ever i will never do that i promise
but i want to so bad
please give me a chance
cause i think i really really really like you.

...
and yes, i blog weirdly cause i take literature.

Far Too Long, Far Too Fast.

2010-12-13T12:22:00.002+08:00

It's been 2 years. time's just slipped us by, sometimes flowing sometimes gushing yet always evading my attempts to catch it in my hands; to retain that moment of time in my cupped hands and drink from it to savour every bit of the emotion that lies within.

i wish i could say i can't believe that the scholars are gone, but i can believe it. maybe that's the saddest part, that i've already accepted that 5 people who were there with me throughout my council life are now overseas and i remain jadedly pessimistic that we will ever have a reunion anytime in the future. perhaps 10, 20 years from now we will all meet up again to talk about the memories that we have had and have forged and will forge and it just won't be the same.

i want the water in my cupped hands. i want to drink from it, i want to keep it in a bottle, a crystallized captured moment of the happiness that is council. even now my hands shake, my arms tremble as emotion threatens to overcome me. it overcame me yesterday at the departure hall, the last vestiges of whatever self-control i had finally breaking down as the last of the 5 departed. it hurt, it really hurt so bad. and it hurt worse to see him hurt so bad.

if i could capture just one second of that fleeting, that damned fleeting happiness, i'd put it in a crystal bottle and leave it next to my bed. every morning i'd wake and look at it and see how much potential happiness there is for me and for the others in my life and i'd always have a good day as i search for that same degree of happiness. memories surface and fade away, just as the tendrils of my mind desperately clutch at the ebbing tides of emotions; i can't get it, i can't capture it, i can't keep it.

i want to take that crystallized happiness and show it to the others, show them and remind that we had so much fun; we were so happy. how can anyone not be happy when they see that kind of happiness. it's not the fake smiles that i see nor the masked falsities, i see the joy shining out of everyone's eyes. it doesn't matter whether their lips move cause it shines in their eyes. that's why i have the council photo as my computer background and i think i always will.

Always always changes but maybe i can make this change constant.

my mind's a muddle, emotions surging and overwhelming me till i can hardly breathe at times. the despair and the pain of farewells threatens to leave me choking yet the fond joy of chalet and whatnot trembles my entire being. am I Heathcliff, the byronic romantic that is constantly drowning in thunderous waves of the heart's pulse? no, i dont think so, God, i hope not.

it's 1235 and i'm sitting here all alone in my room.
i like it here in my room. alone. all
gone. no one else but me and
my emotions. nice. with others, i am swept off
alone i am with myself and myself.

still my hands shake, my arms tremble.
but if this is what it means to experience emotions,
i'd have it no other way.

...
and yes, still the waves of intensity lap gently against the shore.

STC

2010-08-29T00:55:00.003+08:00

It's been long.
Way too long.

Short post, shouldn't even be blogging. The Saturday Sabbath is over and I'm technically cutting into my Sunday study time. Should be sleeping.

But meh.

I don't like exams very much. They change people, stress changes people. It makes them hasty and clipped and short-tempered and less approachable. And I hope I've been neither victim nor perpetrator of that.

Just 2.5 months left to go, gotta stick it out. Just gotta stick it out. Everything will return to the norm after As, we'll be hanging out and laughing and chillaxing like nothing ever changed.

So why is it, then, that deep down
I keep trying to tell myself nothing's changed.
When I know so much has changed.
And no one else seems to ever notice?

....
And yes, I am not fond of this change. Not fond at all.

Mirrors and Reflections

2010-07-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

I wonder how you feel when we four walk together.
cause even amongst the closest of friends
there's always a bit of an inferiority complex.
there's always that someone who feels ugly.

dammit
how can i find a place where I won't be judged;
when the place inside of me is judge, jury and executioner.

he's got something
she's got something
he's got something
i've got self-esteem issues.

dammit
why do comments like 'you're ugly' have to hurt so much.

...
and yes, i know it's banal.

Gifts and Needs

2010-07-12T22:27:00.002+08:00

my dad's been coughing. my mum's been coughing. and my throat is beginning to hurt, feeling raw and dry.

Getting back the KI paper was a rude shock for me. Not so much that I failed, but that I failed because I screwed up the language component. And this has never happened before. And it shocks and horrifies me, it really does. Because something that I've taken as so natural and for-granted is suddenly conspiciously missing from my writing.

Some people might think I'm making too big a deal out of this. But come on, everyone has their own little fears that may or may not make sense. Perhaps this is a one-off thing; I certainly hope it is. Because with all the other glaring flaws in my studying-system, having to work on something that I've never even had to worry about is just not going to be helpful in any way, shape or form.

I guess a large part of this shock comes from the realization that I'm really just not that good.

I've always told people that the reason I care for others is because, well, innately I do want to care. And that is true of course. Yet, I think it's only being honest when I admit that I do it also because I've always had this unshakable confidence in myself. Yes, despite the self-recognition that I have got gaps in my being wide enough to drive a truck through, I still hold this core belief that I'm going to make a real difference. It's not about a philanthropic point of view, or even a pseudo-philanthropic point of view, it's more of a:

"I am going to do this. And I will do it because I am good enough. And you are not going to stop me"

kind of thing. And that's pretty much the viewpoint I've had on life. At the core of everything I do - mixed in with that genuine care is also a darker selfish desire to do what I want. I suppose it's a good thing that at least I pursue things that are (mostly) beneficial.

But lately, that's been challenged. And I don't mean just by the exams even though that's definitely a sizable component of it.

I've watched a friend for the past few days and visibly seen him struggle. And I don't need our MSN convoes or real-life conversations to know that something isn't right. This friend has come from being a youth I barely knew last year to someone whom I feel so absolutely comfortable with. It's not bromantic, it's what I know is a real friendship.

People who question what to 'know" means and try to bring in all that epistemological and JTB crap are going to fail at breaking this down. I know, cause I've tried. And at the end of the day, I know that it is a real friendship. It's a friendship that has been won through a dogged determination to never give up because I see something so amazing and so beautiful inside him. And no matter how much he pushed me away (and still does sometimes), I resolved (and still do) that this is but a test of how much I'm willing to invest to make something work. Because if you try hard enough, it will work. I've fought hard, fought tooth and nail for this; I've endured countless nights and days of self-doubt and wondering whether I'm doing this for the sake of doing it or because I truly believe that there's something worthwhile inside him that he's not letting shine..

It's always the latter I go back to, it's always the latter.

And when you've gone through all of this, seeing him troubled and struggling compels you to help. I'm not tempted to help, I'm not obliged to help. I'm compelled in heart and soul to do so because I care.

But even as I try to help, I reflect on my life. And when he mentions the word 'illusion', it stops me.
Because then I wonder: Do I see illusions? Or am I living in delusion? What about myself?

You see, it's hard to give advice without first believing in that advice yourself. And this very advice that I give him was something I truly believed in.

Yet now, looking back at what I've said, I'm just beginning to question whether it's founded on something that is a foundation. Or if it's founded on one little boy's futile attempt to make a difference in a world that could use one.

Because this little boy wants to make a difference to the world with his heart.

And as always, I find my heart returning to that one question. That one question that is the amalgamation of both love and selfishness:

Does anyone want to make a difference for me?

At the end of the day, I am truly driven by these two emotions. And I try so hard, and believe so damn hard that I can make a difference. And that's why I go all out to love and to work for what I want, because I believe that what I want can truly bring about this beautiful change for others.

I'm doing unto others what I want done unto me.
And I don't think it's unfair to say that I do give alot.
But at some point, I pause, even if just briefly, to wonder:
when do people start giving back?

When do you start giving back? Not what you think I want
But what you should know I need.

...
and yes, I'm (feeling) all out of love.

Months, Minutes and Moments

2010-07-11T01:09:00.003+08:00

been a long time, over a fortnight since i updated this blog...

gosh no wonder my tutors have been telling me my introduction in essays suck. how boring was that sentence eh?

Past few days have been council council council and a bit of other friends! but for once, it's not the suicidal chionging of proposals to meet deadlines or the endless manual labour; no, it's just pure fun and games!

Wednesday

Lost my virginity with Edmund and Zhi Peng... My Astons' virginity that is. Finally paid a visit to an Astons' outlet, the one near PayaLebar Singpost (Which has that giant Barang Barang sign that will forever haunt me) and ate there. Not that fantastic, certainly not as mind-blowing as I expected anyways. But it was decent fare for great prices and you just can't argue with that. Having an all-guys outing ala VS was great, being able to talk about everything and knowing that no one's going to say "omggg that's disgusting" reminded me of how great VS was. good food and a good night made even better by great company!

Thursday

Arrived uncharacteristically late boo. Met Hannah at 9.45 instead of the pre-arranged 9.30; Alyah came at 10.30. I had enough time to read 8days from cover-to-cover, page-by-page while waiting. We began our little walking/shopping/talking spree by scouting for my breakfast (eventually bought 明虾饺!) and then wandering around aimlessly until ChindeeBear arrived.

Hannah and Alyah decided to patronize New Look while I plonked myself in a chair and looked
bored in typical guy fashion. ChindeeBear arrived characteristically late and made even later by the confusion of L2 and B2 in Ion (seriously, you can't even tell what floor you're on!) and we eventually met at Zara. Which still stocks items that are wayyy out of my budget but nevertheless i am eyeing that super-cute pink tie. at $25 it is a major steal and i will kick myself very hard if I do not make another trip down to grab it.

Went down to Taka where they were having some food-fair. Since Hannah and Alyah were docked out in their traditional malay garb that I shall henceforth refer to as baju kurong , plenty of stall-owners were quick to point out that the food wasn't halal; this was helpful because the gigantic, practically-neon signs that said "PORK!" and the copious amounts of pork on display would have definitely been missed by my small cheena eyes. still, it was nice to see that they were considerate and polite enough to point this non-halal'ness out. ChindeeBear stole some samples before they were offered as samples and then promptly scooted away.

Bad bear. very bad bear.

Ended up going late to Kbox cause we were just having so much fun at Orchard! went down to Prologue and then I did a little wine tasting at a gourmet shop. chindeebear decided not to. visited the gourmet version of cold-storage where we noticed that even the chips were arranged in rows so straight and strict, North Korea would have approved. The cheese section proved a source of amusement; while Hannah searched for her favourite cheese, I amused myself by finding Brie and Roqueforth. Alas, Cheddar eluded me as did the infamous condom-blue cheese. After amusing ourselves, we scooted back to CoffeeBean and Tea-Leaf where our journey of self-discovery first begun for lunch. Bought the Apple Rooboois tea since the trip to Cape Town taught me that at least the tea from Africa is good. the smoked-salmon sandwich was fairly delish even though Hannah chose to describe it as rubbery as I tried to cleave off a section for her and Cindy to devour. my good deeds know no bounds.

nearing two, we left CoffeeBean and Tea-Leaf to head down to the next destination on our trip of fun: TeoHeng!

The kbox session was awesome. Alyah's drama-mama flared up in full-force as she belted out lines from That's Not My Name and Bad Romance in a voice so loud, proud, powerful and shrill that the next-door people gave us strange looks as they filed out of the room, slinking back to their miserable office lives. Some people sang surprisingly well on that day ( yes you bro ^^ ) and yet others sang in a fashion that would have resurrected the dead to kill them again.

Dinner'd at Pastamania with Hadi, ZQ, Jar, MingRong, Mel and Jesslyn and had a great debate about Singapore's culture and how students these days are resorting to more creative ways to relieve stress. Notable examples include punching a wall, punching a bag, punching something, punching someone and suicide. Citizen journalism also came under fire and I'm happy to say that I was the quick provider of many an example of why citizen journalism should be restricted to the smart and the educated. This blog does not qualify as an example, if you're wondering. I am smart and edumacated.

bus ride back with MR, Jar and Hadi was interesting. Posited a theory that Mingrong = Hadi being savagely mauled and beaten since it seemed true given all cases.

Okay, Friday and Sat shall be posted when I wake up or late tonight ( sunday that is ) cause I'm tired and there's a study date later. plus today was epic-fun + tiring.

Quiet quiet nights

2010-06-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

i like quiet nights; i can think properly. i don't have to pretend to agree with someone or something; and i can be as un-PC as i want.

i like quiet nights. a lot.

The Econs paper was really a punch in the gut to tell me that I need to start studying. Apparently, last minute studying with friends (thank you Darius/Hannah/Wet/Hadi) just isn't going to cut it for As.

Plus, today blew my null hypothesis - Linosaurus is gifted at Humanities - clean out of the water, rejecting it firmly in favour of the alternative hypothesis - Oh crap.

it's also quiet nights like this that the little feelings bare themselves.

i really wish that you had been there for me when i needed you.
cause i was trying so, so, so so so hard to let you know that I needed you.
to tell you that I'm really scared and hurting inside
to tell you that I... that I... that I could lose her that very night.
to have someone to comfort me and hug me and to tell me:
"it's okay, brother, everything's going to be alright."
i've never said no when you asked for help, never turned away.
never couldn't be bothered or too lazy to love.

i know we all have our flaws, our limitations.
but maybe
just like how it might have been difficult for you that day
it might be difficult for me, just to forget the pain i felt that day.

but i'm really, really thankful to you for being there for me. you know who you are, you know i love you to bits. not because of just that occasion, but the sum of everything. i never told you this: that I don't think you're pretty. i think you're beautiful.

i like quiet nights.
or at least,
quiet nights like me.

...
and yes, i think i like quiet nights.

2010-06-21T23:25:00.002+08:00

What do you know, i can go a day with an ugly, insipid and useless filler blogpost sitting there.

just got a new keyboard and what better way to break it in (and to get used to the different spacings; one-year long habits are hard to break man) than to blog right?

went over to thomas' house today with Dionysus for swimming+mugging+watching of TTOTS. did the first, did the second, got halfway through the third before thomas and dionysus passed out from sheer boredom. i ended up doing normal distribution questions.

i got through 4 questions before i fell asleep from sheer boredom.

haven't been updating cause there's nothing really awesome and boomz to blog about i guess.

went camp-facilitating with hannah and weiyeat after 4 hours of sleep on friday. i can't have kids; they're just too boring after a while. and too high-pitched. i wanted to take a mallet and do some rather unpleasant things to some rather unpleasant, squeaky kids. i demand that we rid ourselves of them. or at least oil them.

i'm beginning to like this keyboard less and less and less. the letters don't come out as fast as i type and that kinda sucks cause then i have to type slower and that's just a major no-no-no.

boooooo.

okay i'm really tired so i think i'll go sleep. yay for another failblog update. this is like the previous post in that both are equally useless, except the other one was supposed to be useless.

...
and yes i'm super damn tired now.

Filler Filler Filler

2010-06-20T00:52:00.002+08:00

This is a filler post that I'm making now at 12.52AM so that tomorrow, I'll come and edit this.

because i know i won't be able to stand the thought of having a filler post for more than one day.

...
and yes i'm sorta crazy

Expectations and results

2010-06-12T00:23:00.002+08:00

today was probably a good day to have low expectations.
nothing was fantastic.

council farewell was damn bleh. straight-forward, blunt and to the point. i'm honestly disappointed with how last minute it was. after all, it was definitely something that could wait; it is hardly as though we 7s are desperate to hang out. we already hang out, what's another chillaxation?

i really wish it could have been something nicer. not for me, but for others.
others who had expectations.

...
and yes, i'm really tired.

Of I and Buts

2010-06-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

I style my hair
But I'm not good looking.

I play the piano and sing
But I'm not musically talented

I have the best friends in the world
But I'm not the best friend to them.

I have had someone die for me
But I won't even honour His name properly.

I will be the best I can.
because what's in bold reminds me
that there's so much more happiness out there that I can find
as I work to achieve my goals.

...
and yes, it's sorta paradoxical ain't it?

Indulgent Nights

2010-05-30T00:39:00.003+08:00

tired tired tired.
then again it's 12.40 am so not much of a surprise there.
and I shall start giving my posts titles again.

back from a celebration of Timo's birthday with Ivan, Nat, Timo and Jurian. Really wish that Darius/ShiXian/Bok could have joined us but.... oh well, there's always next Saturday!

and this blog post is really dead. and probably going to be narrative. and here's to hoping that I'm not going to slip into one of those emo moods because I've really had a good week so far =)

rights, yesterday was the long-awaited Taming of the Shrew play. Epic dinner with Tammie/Thomas/Steph/Shu is epic. Lost my Waraku virginity at Central! which I think really does have an exclamation mark in the name. Shoyu Ramen was good, not great as I would have expected but certainly decent fare. Not quite worth the $12.80 that I spent though. Choice quotes from the expedition:

Thomas: Eh what are you doing?
Lino: Checking my hair in the reflection [of the Waraku sign]
Thomas: ...
[5 seconds later; Tammie and Steph check their hair in the reflection]
Lino: Wow, who checks their reflection
Shuyin: Girls I guess. But I'm too much of a man to check my reflection.
[Time passes]
Lino: Oh, were we suppose to say something about that?
Shuyin: OMG you guys suck! why do you not say anything huh? HUH?
Thomas: Whoops.

Lino: Crikey this here is a big'un! Imma get closer and tryna get a pictcha!
Ayesha: Go away idiot.
Lino: Ooo it's ahngry!

Shuyin: Hey the girls are going to go toilet so take care of my camera kay. Don't do anything stupid.
[Girls leave]
Thomas: Take a photo of me.
Lino: I thought Shuyin said not to do anything stupid...

Met up with R.A.Y (which is terribly ironic in my opinion) and Hafiqa and journeyed to the east aka Robertson Quay. Which I pronounced as kway instead of key for 5 minutes before realizing that I was mis-pronouncing a word I knew how to pronounce. yay random facts. walking there was epic; there's something magical about having the girls trying to orientate. thankfully the GPS system of the iPhones gave us an iDea of where to go so we didn't get horribly lost.

the play itself was... enjoyable yay! sitting in the 1st row gives you all the action you need. It also provides an uncomfortably close view of some of the more disturbing moments of the play. Biondella (who presumably is Biondello after a trip to Thailand) had a... momentously low-cut chinese-style garment. She ran a lot, heavily. There was a lot of jiggling. Blood vessels in my cheek burst from blushing. the Vincentio-impersonator was also dressed in nothing but tight tights. he later put on a nice red shirt. This remedied nothing of the problem of the lower half. There was a lot of uncomfortable shifting, much of it due to me forcing myself to stare at the program booklet.

Warning: literature bit coming up. those not litterateurs will probably want to skip. Those who are may still want to skip anyway. Here there be tygers.

that was also when i realized that the much-praised iambic pentameter of the nobles' verse wasn't really emphasized. it seemed so theatrical, so full of emotion and strongly, confidently delivered that it lost what I felt was a key aspect to the play: that it was a representation of something supposedly completely natural. a depiction of women's struggles in those times and to lose the natural iambic pentameter in favour of an artificially-theatrical delivery sort of took away from the play. it was perhaps a minor detail, certainly one that I've not given much thought to till I started typing this paragraph but still significant, somewhat I guess.

what I really liked though was the physicality of the play. Now of course this sounds somewhat redundant because the text is obviously not a physical thing itself and Shakespeare's rare imposition of specific stage directions allows for creative thinking. but what I found absolutely interesting was the tempestuous relationship between Petruchio and Katharina. Even through Petruchio's transitions from the suave, smooth glib talker to the fierce, wild almost Heathcliff-like ruffian, there was just this undercurrent of a true affection for Kate that was still very ambiguous in the book. I guess it was Woolhead's directing decision to allow Petruchio to show certain signs of affection (that were absent from the book) to Kate that kinda wowed me.

one part in particular that moved me was the ending scene after Katherine's monologue to the widow and Bianca. without giving away the ending here (though you can ask me :3), i felt that it was of the gentlest, most subtle ways of showing Petruchio's love for Kate. It also symbolized that Petruchio, by physically lowering himself to Katherine's level without having any monetary gain (as seems to motivate him), showed himself as being on the same level as Kate, physically or mentally or otherwise. But for a man to see a women as equal to himself was definitely rare in those times, and for Petruchio to do so after the rough taming of his falcon was even more startling for me. perhaps it was just a directing decision so as to somewhat lessen the brutality of the play's meaning since the epilogue scene is really not the most convincing nor thought-provoking of scenes but I felt that it really made sense.

it's a play good to watch if you've got the time and money. It's not the best play around in my opinion but it has its moments if I may quote dear Dr Saradetch and those moments justify the $20 spent if just for the rhetorical questions that are posed.

[end of literature bit]

OKAY!

Went to Subway with Dionysius, Thomas and YongZhi for midnight snack. Dionysius if you're reading this thank you for the lovely subway cookies x2 plus the drink! the talk in the train with you was awesome haha and i think it's a pity that we've only started talking recently. hope to have more conversations with you haha! =3

came back home, msned with some people for a while then crashed, happily.

woke up feeling ~~like p diddy~~ quite lethargic, feeling like there was a flu/fever coming on. plus the early morning smses in preparation for Edwin/Timo's birthdays didn't really help since I was being woken up every 15 minutes on average. crashed repeatedly till about 9 when I gave up. piano'ed and tv'ed my day away like the bum I am instead of studying. I am doomed.

i need to get my discipline for being punctual back again! for some reason, it's really done and gone these few months and I've been so uncharacteristically late for events that I'm actually getting worried. maybe it's a slippery slope, but if my paranoia about being punctual can be so 'subjugated' then what about the other not-so-paranoid paranoias...

As Angie would put it: Frightening.

good celebration is good. though the 2hour delay was kinda ridiculous but it all worked out well in the end so hurrah! BBQ chicken for dinner, cake at Gelare (Reminder:Nat owes me money) and then even lepak'ing at the grassy patch area with a guitar and songs.

ah, indulgent nights. indulgent days. indulgent weeks.
how many more do I have?
hopefully none
i need to start studying!

C'mon Lino, 加油！

2010-05-16T23:38:00.002+08:00

you keep me strong.
keep me going on.
and you know who you are =3

i love you both so much.

...
and yes, i think it's going to be a brand new day.

2010-05-16T00:25:00.002+08:00

i'm really tired and it's 12.30 am and i've been out since 2.30pm.
and i'm really really really tired.
but i need to blog about something which i don't know and probably won't know by the end of this post but i still wanna blog anyways.

i'm going to regret this later when i wake up for church and feel so tempted to sleep in.
but i shall not because my spiritual journey is practically in shambles. and i really feel helpless about it because the root of my happiness and confidence has been shaken.

all the plant imagery recalls plantagenet stuff. and that does not bode well for me.

I think that being so happy can be quite a downfall sometimes. like small setbacks seem so magnified, a small yet significant mar on an otherwise-perfect landscape. and the best thing is that i know that these setbacks are really really minor so complaining about it seems like such a... well, bastardly thing to do I guess. but still, i have a right to voice my frustrations sometimes right?

like hannah said, it's quite a surprising thing that Stick to the iPod lah MMJ actually gives me hope (GMH). it's touching to see how some people really stick up for SC and it shows me that I've really been too judgmental of some people, too quick to form impressions. then there should be something inspiring and insightful here but i'm really tired so the point shall die here.

BLEH

sorry, that needed to come out.

i didn't blog about this before which I guess is kinda weird because it's been a little more than a fortnight since it occurred. but seeing them at the CO concert truly shook me up a bit and made me realize that I still can't (completely) let go of my past. too much negativity that never really got expressed, got set free. And even now, I ~~think~~know that there's still some lurking somewhere inside of me. And yes, it still hurts.

i think that sometimes, life really is quite hard for me. call this being shallow and immature and what not, but i get really annoyed and irritated with certain groups of people sometimes. and yes, it's probably called jealousy but i won't admit that because i don't want to think of myself as that word in this escapist world i create to hide sometimes. i hate it when i have to work so damn hard to try and form a good impression of myself on others while certain people just have to waltz in and suddenly they're mr/ms popular. Just because.

like, i honestly feel that i'm overlooked sometimes and that people just don't appreciate what i'm doing for them. and to be very honest, this applies to even the people closest to me. and what makes it worse is the very real dilemma of how to respond when people do recognize. because if i say the politically correct "oh no need for thanks, i'm doing this because i really want to', then i won't really be getting the recognition that i want. on the other hand, admitting that i want that praise would be a very hao lian thing to do.

i suppose that i could say something along the lines of "thank you, your recognition of my efforts really motivates me" but even that sounds jolly retarded even at 12.56AM (Damn!). i don't think i'm being whiny here, just that i'm honest enough to voice out a dilemma that i'm sure most people share. and even if most people don't share it, it's my dilemma and i'm troubled and i'm confused.

it's like i can do about fifty 'good deeds' and no one will ever really notice them. but some people just need to do one thing and everyone's overflowing with praise for them. and it makes me sick. it really does. is there some reason that I don't get the praise? there's only so much that a person can give before he needs to take something back in; i'm not some inexhaustible supply or reservoir because i'm very quickly being drained.

maybe cause it's because i tend to give in to other people that few people really consider how i feel about certain issues. like how, despite my best efforts, i'm beginning to really question why i hold on to a certain friendship. it's not that i'm really getting anything out of it except having ideas shot down and care/concern blown to smithereens. and i'm trying to hold on which is exactly the problem because why am I the only one who is trying to hold on? i don't think it's unfair to say that i'm probably the one in the friendship that's consciously making an effort to be nice and take all the fudged-up crap even when i'm really tired and at my limits and I still really really try my best.

because now i'm beginning to wonder why is that i need to try so hard and if i'm just holding on to something that i think is making me happy but really just pushing my emotional limit ever further. why do i need to put in so much effort? why am I the only one in the friendship putting in so much effort?

I think God gave me a caring heart (despite what people might think, I care deeply for others and if you don't know it, you probably haven't given me a chance to show it really) to test me on how much i can take. and well, He doesn't test us more than what He knows we can bear. and I know that he gave me some awesome awesome people so that I can bear so so so much more than if I were but alone. But, i think my true tests arises from the knowledge that I am so willing to invest so much time and effort and heart and soul into caring for others; not just to see a smile on their face, but to feel a warmth in their heart. i want to be that kind of person that can really cheer up a person just by being with them because they know that I love them so much. and it's the fact that I'm willing to throw myself against the odds and all the machine-gun fire that others shoot that really hurts me sometimes. having my love and effort torn apart by people who don't take the time to understand that I need something back sometimes. having to withdraw, agonized and bleeding, because some people just don't care about me anywhere near as much as I care for them.

and what's best?
like a fool, i do it again.

i'm not a river, a reservoir, a sea of inexhaustible love. i want to be, God knows, i want to be. but i'm not God, I'm not Jesus, and I can't do it. I'll try, oh yes, I definitely will try my utmost best to be that reservoir of love. but i don't know how long more i can keep it up before i break.

because, sometimes, i think that i'm really stupid.

...
and yes, this is my soul bared.

2010-05-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

i fall down into the depths.
thank god
i have my friends to pull me out.

sigh.

a levels really suck.

...
and yes, i'm in another of those moods.

2010-04-25T00:09:00.003+08:00

this is, of course, going to come off as me being pretentious, pompous and unfairly elitist.
and maybe so.

some people should be banned from being allowed to talk to me
while i do my best to show care and concern for issues that people approach me with,
there are simply some issues that i cannot bring myself to even fake the slightest concern for.
and people who attempt to drown me in such drivel should be punched in the face.
and because it's him.
he should be punched, hard.

...
and yes, i am somewhat frustrated.

2010-04-22T23:19:00.003+08:00

people've been wondering why i'm so tired lately.
especially after council.
oh the irony.

i'm tired.
cause i don't wanna sleep
cause i dream of the times gone by
cause i get up at 3 am to read the letters and cards
cause i love them too much
cause i wake up with my pillow wet
cause i am part of the Sevens.

my chest felt like it was on fire during morning assembly
it's weird being in morning assembly
as opposed to, you know
doing morning assembly.

i couldn't breathe for a while
something just caught in my throat
but i must smile
though my heart is aching
i must smile
though my heart is breaking

...
and yes, i find that life's still worthwhile if i just smile.

2010-04-20T23:44:00.002+08:00

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So, if you're mad, get mad!
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
Don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

oh silly lino
why do you look so sad
why do you sit there
councillor badge in hand
crimson flower blooming
leaves of red

oh silly lino
why do you not wipe away the rivulets
that trickle down.
the flower will fade
as will the pain
all passes with time

oh silly lino
memories are eternal
happiness is forever kept
why do you fear separation
when brothers and sister stand by your side
ready with you to the end.

oh silly lino
what is there to fear
with his love as thy armour
with his love as thy shield
with her love as thy sword
what is there to fear?

...
and yes, there is nothing to fear.

2010-04-18T21:33:00.004+08:00

being early for the dinner with kitmeng, alvin and kenneth today gave me (more than) ample time to wander the meandering roads of Serangoon Garden. Saw a lot of interesting houses and the lack of a camera was sorely felt. And because I wanna blog but have absolutely nothing noteworthy of blogging, i shall go into great detail about dinnner.

Borhsch Steakhouse for dinner wasn't too bad. at $13.80++ for an appetizer, soup, main course, dessert and drinks, it does sound too good to be true. in truth, you do get all these but with the necessarily small portions to match that low-low price tag.

Given the choice of Cavier with Egg or Shrimp Cocktail, I elected to start off dinner with the caviar appetizer. I wasn't expecting a huge lump of caviar which is good because I didn't get one. It was a simple hard-boiled egg topped with the barest pinch of caviar sitting atop base of shredded lettuce and a tomato wedge. Needless to say, whatever taste caviar may have was quite undetectable in such miniscule amounts.

The Mushroom Soup wasn't too bad, thick and creamy with a substantial amount of mushroom slices to keep a mushroom-lover like me happy. of course, the amount of mushroom might not be normally distributed since i couldn't double-check with any of my companions who ordered the Borhsch Soup, the namesake and presumably signature dish of the restaurant tasting remarkably like minestrone. Having to choose which of the two tastes nicer would be quite difficult but I'd really go with the Borhsch Soup when all's said and done, mushroom soup is easily found but the German dish isn't quite so readily available.

My Sirloin Steak arrived with a dollop of butter (startlingly similar to the one for McDonalds' HotCakes), some french fries (about 7 to 8 sticks), fried onions and long beans. Everything tasted decent, the steak was both well-portioned and nicely cooked (I ordered medium-rare) with the butter adding a matching and subtle sweetness. Only Kenneth ordered something deviant from ours, a Pepper Steak that was just not as good as the Sirloin for some reason.

Dessert was a Peach Melba, a small scoop of vanilla ice-cream topped with 3-4 peach wedges. Nothing bad nor remarkable about it, it tasted exactly as one would think it does - vanilla-and-peach'ly.

Had real ice-cream at the nearby McDonalds where I indulged in a Hot Fudge Sundaes, one of the many criminals that will be responsible for my ever-rising weight and downwards spiral into obesity.

All in all, it was a pleasant night. Great company, decent food. And I'm really really tired so Imma stop here and go to bed.

...
and yes, i can't believe it's just 3 days away.

2010-04-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

actually i'm still kinda lost for words as to the birthday celebrations.
so, unlike most of my other posts, i'll just do a chronology of the day (13th April 2010) first and let's see what interesting thoughts pop into my mind as I blog.

well, i woke up. no surprises there eh. brushed my teeth. the mirror didn't wish me happy birthday; neither did the shower. i was quite upset.

after changing and mouse-hunting at 0630 (as all normal people do), ate breakfast which was leftover chocolate cake from my birthday. this chocolate cake would soon come to be an important and integral part of my birthday celebrations as I would later find out.

P.S: For all you non-litterateurs out there, this is foreshadowing.

Reached school and got a birthday hug from WeiYeat which was win. Great way to start the school morning =) Other councillors came and wished me happy birthday. A grin lay fixed on my face for about 10 minutes as a stream of fans and well-wishers proclaimed their joy at my birth 18 years ago.

Timo and IvanNgKittyKittyMooMoo (henceforth referred to as Ivan) gave me a chocolate cake and a seal stuff toy which I promptly named Snubbles. the chocolate cake was lovely and i ate two bites before deciding that I really couldn't eat another bite of cake or else I'd die from chocolate poisoning. Soooo, I shared it with the Councillors.

Which is not to say that I didn't like the cake! But for me, I just felt that sharing the cake was really a way for me to share my birthday with all the people I love =) Cause the cake is kinda representative of all my happiness and joy and elation and what not and sharing it is just like sharing the luv. Note that it's nothing like holy communion, please don't accuse me of heresy. Being hunted down by an angry mob with pitchforks and torches isn't on my to-do list now.

Sat together with XinEr, Dori, Melissa, Wee Chong and ChindeeBear during Econs. Cause we do exciting and revolutionary things like that. Ms Quek sat down a row from us but she didn't wish me happy birthday, perhaps still miffed from the 2.6% A-rate from the MBTs.

Turns out that Snubbles (For those with STM, scroll up) came it pretty useful. Due perhaps to my excitement and anticipation of the day, I had very little sleep the night before. Halfway during most of the days' tutorials, I used Snubbles as a pillow. He was deliciously soft, if a bit furry and nose-tickling. I sneezed a fair bit.

Math Lecture held a mind-blowing surprise. Jem's exclamation of "Wei Yeat' (in a voice slightly softer than that of a Boeing747) made me look up as we entered the depths of LT4. Seeing my own face leering back at me was quite a shock. Learning that Hadi and Hannah were walking around with similar pictures and sorta-different captions was a HUGE surprise. My face was red for the entire Maths lecture.

Jongolia wished me happy birthday during lunch. miracles do happen.
by lunch, i also experienced the joys of facial cramps from smiling too much.

Councillors gathered in the Parade Square in an "L" formation to sing me happy birthday (after singing twice in the morning). Even though I kinda 'found out' about it because the 'secret message' was typed out on Microsoft Word on my laptop, it was still just a pleasant a surprise as it would have been. Mr Hon surprised me with a leap onto my back from behind as I was on the couch grinning loonily at the councillors below. My spine is now undergoing therapy.

I locked the councillors out from the room, allowing Mr Hon to begin his bag-inverting rampage. ZombieLand/Left 4 Dead (2) and their zombies have NOTHING on a horde of panicked councillors hammering on the council room door to retrieve their bags before Honzilla attacked. Opening the door taught me that crowds can be quite hazardous to one's health, particularly if said crowd swarms over you in a mad attempt to protect their barang-barang. There was also a (failed) taupok attempt which was basically just Kenneth attempting to violently sexually-violate me with his legs.

Dinner'ed at Manhattan Fish Market with them three siblings. they put the card in placards and honestly, just reading the cards they wrote would have dissolved a lesser man to tears.

Hadi gave me his present. I damn near teared.

Dinner was my treat. Not in the sense that I treated them, but because dinner, with my 3 siblings, was a treat for me.

Looking back at my birthday this year, I still feel that I'm at a loss of words to sum it up.
Because really, some things just can't be summed up in a few words.

Today,
someone asked me how I know God exists.
I answered: "Because I know love."
He asked: "How do you know what is love?"

I think of Wei Yeat, Hannah and Hadi.

...
and yes, I know God sent me them because He loves me.

2010-04-13T23:02:00.002+08:00

some days are just too good to be blogged about.
and nothing i can type, in my current state of mind, could do justice to today.
so i shall leave the blogging to tomorrow, when i'm more able to think straight.
because right now, all i wanna do is just go look at everything i've been through today
and the placards
and the guitar pick.
and wonder what i've done in this life.
to deserve this happiness.

...
and yes, i love my siblings.

2010-04-11T00:04:00.003+08:00

Here's how the 1st part of my tripartite 18th Birthday celebrations went:

Friday, 9th April

Reached home after council'ing at about 10pm
Drank wine
Ate tiramisu

Saturday, 10th April

Woke up to find out I slept for 10 hours after Friday's events.
Slacked/Did a bit of Lit report
Lunch
Slept another 2 hours
Played games for a while
Thaipan =)
Mahjong =) =)
ALL NEW BANANAGRAM =) =) =)
Haagen-Daaz ice-cream.

tis a good day.
oh, and happy birthday shuyin (if you ever read this blog)

...
and yes, i'm sure even more fun and joy awaits =)

2010-04-06T12:57:00.003+08:00

a night's rest has therapeutic wonders.
gah. anger is futile =(

and now it's another 3 period break. though one has but passed and my next break is taken up by The Tempest - Meet the Cast session. And I'm kinda hungry but I'm not in the mood to eat.

I wish one of The Three of them would come by. cause i've got stuff weighing down upon me, stuff that makes my heart so heavy that I want to puke. yeah, thank Hadi for that quote. seriously though.

I think it's really annoying when people tell me news that they feel is important; and that they feel i should feel is important. my friend told me that apparently 'most' of the j1s have a bad impression of me. and this friend said it with an expression that very clearly anticipated a reaction from me.

"Heyyy you know, most of the J1s right... they have a bad impression of you!"
"Uhhh okay."
"Dude you don't care?"
"No."
"Dude, it's the J1s man, they-"
"I already said I don't care."
"You're such a loser man, seriously."
"Because I don't care about some hearsay regarding some people who don't matter that much to me? Or because I'm not giving you the reaction you want?"

I find it amusing that that "friend" thinks it's normal for me to be concerned. it bewilders me, honestly. why should I care about people who, in 1 months' time, will be of neither matter nor concern to me, who I will probably never encounter again once i leave MJC and if I do encounter, will probably not remember anything anyway. so seriously, why should i care how a bunch of people, who don't know jacksquat about me and whom I, on my part, don't see a reason to care for, see me? i don't care, I don't care. I. Don't. Care.

I know I'm loved. That's the only armour and sword I need to soldier on.

...
and yes, sometimes i feel like i need to be stronger.

2010-04-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

so many things on my mind, I'm not even sure where to start. so let's take it slow, let's start from go.

well, i got back Maths MBTs today. Here's the good and the bad.
Good: I topped the class (SHOCK!)
Bad: I got 22%.

Needless to say, there's a real 啼笑皆非 situation here. Of course, the tutors/lecturers are all preaching that laughing at such a situation indicates that you're not taking it seriously. in all honesty, i am morbidly and painfully aware of just how terrible 22% is, in absolute terms though. But it's this whole serious seriousness that tickles me.

okay, not that you'd know, but i just endured a half-an-hour talk with my mum. and yet another unreasonable demand from my dad. no surprise for that one; it's not like i was expecting my dad to reason with me. because he has a maths degree, and that means that I must be able to do maths. even if I am obviously arts-inclined; even if I am juggling 3 times the subjects that my dad had to handle, one subject of which is Maths which I have already proven over the past 17 years that I hate and am absolutely incompetent in. because he has a maths degree.

by that logic, my kids better be able to analyze poems, love lit, be able to sing and play the piano by the time they're 17. they should also join council, have a love for fun things in life with a oft-abandoned sense of caution and be carefree.

i hate it when my dad looks at my results in the most |Absolute| of terms. because given the (not-so-) hypothetical situation where I get 50% but am still first in the class, i still get scolded. Because 50% is 'crap'. I could do a Master's paper on Literature, get 25% and still be reprimanded. Because that stupid number is all that matters. Because it doesn't matter if half the cohort has got a U, most of them WORSE Us than mine. Because somehow or another, I need to top Lit. And Maths. And Econs. And KI. And probably PW and Chinese too.

Why?
"Because other people can".
Again, by that logic, everyone should be identical. Because everyone should be able to sing since someone can; everyone should be able to produce Mozart's works or Van Gogh's masterpieces. Because they are that magical someone who can. And since they can, other people can.

i hate it when my dad uses such utterly-fallacious logic. it offends me, not just because I take KI and can rip that argument to shreds in about a second, but because it does not even present itself as a coherent argument in the first place. because other people are able to score well in Maths (And this is assuming that they're not just good in only maths and failing the hell out of other subjects) i should thus be able to do so. I have to be just as good as the BEST person around in any given area.

in that case, why don't my parents earn enough money so that i live in a mansion with 7 floors, with 10 butlers, three swimming pools, a collection of 17 of the world's rarest and limited edition cars. and while i'm at it, i could use a unicorn, a dragon and the ability to transmute metals into gold. because, barring the last three, the other things are possible. Someone else can. Why can't he?

of course that "logic" (Note the inverted commas people) isn't going to stand well with him. Thus:
1) I'm back-sassing (Illogical; I am merely using his own line of logic to ask him a question that is based completely upon the pseudo-empirical/pseudo-rational foundations that he lay)
2) He's working the best he can (Not true, I don't think he works 24 hours a day; thus not the best he can. humane conditions don't count in the definition of 'best' that we live by so we don't have to worry about such trifles).

yes, i am aware that there is a false dichotomy present in the above paragraph. there are multitudes of equally-or-more illogical options that he could choose. for those who can produce a decently well-reasoned (ethically please) option that he can take, feel free to tell me. because otherwise, as far as results are concerned, i'm going to just accept that my dear father is an incredibly unreasonable man who is far too swept up in my flaws to understand that I am not planning a career in Maths, the Uni Course I'm aiming for does not even list Maths as a requirement, and I absolutely hate Maths. By far, the last reason is the strongest.

i've no longer the mood to blog at length about my other thoughts; sorry people, you'll have to make do with a summarized version. I'm tired, pissy and overall frustrated with how the lovely day has been ruined by a crappy night.

I still love Council with all my heart. and if anyone, ANYONE ever dares to seriously say I would have been better off without Council... That person is just not worth talking to anymore.
I love KHO dance and every time I perform it, it fills my heart with overwhelming emotions.
Like many others, I think the education system in Singapore is incredibly unfair. However, I'm unable to propose any better system and shall thus settle for grumbling.
I love Hannah, Wet and Hadi.
The three above - I initially wanted to acronym'ize to HWH before realizing that it seemed rather demeaning that I was completely willing to type out their names in full (except for Wet) but didn't want to just for convenience's sake.
Because it's the big things we do that build the friendship
But it's the small things we do that keep our love for each other strong.

...
and yes, I can't wait to move out of my house.

2010-04-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

Cause with all that I've done wrong.
I must have done something right
To deserve their love every morning
and butterfly kisses
at night.

...
and yes, i love them all so much =)

2010-04-03T21:09:00.001+08:00

exams are over
yet i'm still studying
the As
the sheer horror of the As.

many things to post about, far too tired to.
results rawr.
ki =(

...
and yes i got a C for KI

2010-03-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

love you hannah
love you wet
love you hadi

...
and yes, it ain't in no particular order

2010-03-28T20:25:00.003+08:00

In many ways, CTC reminded me of Odyssey.

Both events were events that I invested so much effort into and I'm not even sure I invested more in CTC than Odyssey.
Both events saw tears from Councillors.
Both events saw Council as a family.
Both events will forever remain in my heart.

Right now, I'm still kinda numb that CTC has ended. After intensive planning for several months, having your event over in 2 days feels kinda fast. I'm glad that the 8ths had fun; I'm glad I've learnt so much about what I can do, what I cannot do and what I have to learn to do from CTC.

But really, what I remember most about the camp
Is realizing how much
just how much
the Council means to me.

Lowering our flag was painful
Because we'll never do morning ass o' doom again.
cause we'll never plan teachers' day together again
nor prom
nor ogl camp
nor orientation
nor ctc
nor invest.

i've gotten so used to seeing their faces everyday
i'm not sure how it's going to be like not seeing them everyday inside that room.
it's like waking up in your room but with different coloured walls.
everything feels the same.
but you just know that your boundaries have changed.

council was my boundary. my so-damn-important boundary.
the kind of boundary that doesn't really exist, the kind of boundary that repels you out of your comfort zone.
it's like the rope in bungee-jumping.
yeah sure you're doing something you're not entirely comfortable with and it's scary as hell.
but you have that tether-rope
and with 31 people holding onto that rope.
how much safer can I get?

despite knowing that it's good I'm finally stepping down and (hopefully) now able to concentrate on my studies, i still cried yesterday.
i wasn't really sad... it was just the memories that came back and the tide of emotions that overwhelmed me.
remembering how much we've gone through as a council.
and i cried simply because i realized just how much i loved the experience.
realized it deeper and simpler than i've ever realized it before.

in ki, we wonder if there's Absolute Right, a truth that is so 'correct', so simple and so irrefutable.
joining council is my absolute right.

...
and yes, thirty-two is better than one.

2010-03-25T23:02:00.001+08:00

tomorrow's ctc.
i could do an excessively long post.
or
i can just say
i'm curious how it'll turn out

...
and yes, i'm excited

2010-03-20T02:05:00.003+08:00

when you go for dinner.
with alvin, kenneth, reubs and kitmeng
at white sands
at manhattan fish market
to have a night of just being myself
doing everything i want
saying everything i want
not being judged.

$27 suddenly seems like a paltry sum to pay for that.

...
and yes, i really enjoyed myself tonight :3

2010-03-18T00:25:00.002+08:00

It's so nice to be enjoying my long-deserved March Holidays, getting 10 hours of sleep everyday. Gaming and studying in moderation because i have no upcoming tests and i'm free to go out with friends everyday to Tampines Library to read and indulge in Wonderland

EFF MBTS.

plus my new timetable sucks massive balls. 5.05 on thursday because of self-study after common lunch? that is so bullshit. i want back my 4.15 ending times! ~~Peasants~~ GPers end at 1.45. Unfair much. Why do the ~~Elite~~ KIers have to end later than the ~~hoi polloi~~ GP people -.-

(this is a bitchy post if you have not figured it out. it's also pretty damn shallow so if you're looking for one of my more-insightful posts, skip right down a couple of posts or so. just not this one)

i've also rediscovered my hatred for maths; it dwindled down to a gentle flame but with the advent of the MBTs, it has returned as a blazing inferno that reaches very high ( think higher than jarwiiis ) and consumes maths notes/tests/tutorials for fuel. burn, baby burn.

...
and yes, studying can make one dumber, or insane at least.

2010-03-07T21:46:00.002+08:00

The past few days have really made me wonder what a 'family' means to me.

it's so near the end of our term, yet there are still rifts and cracks in the foundation of our love. can't we just hold it all together for this one more month? it's just one more month for us to show each other how much we really care, how much we go the extra distance because we want to see the smile on his or her face because that's the greatest kind of joy.

i've spent these few weeks really looking around the family, observing every little thing that's said and done. all the little stupid mistakes that people make are so treasured, because i know i'm going to miss these stupid mistakes once our term ends.

i really just want all of us to stick together.
i just wanna forgive everyone and love everyone.
i just want us to be a real family.

cause right now...
we're just fragments.

...
and yes, my heart is desperate

2010-03-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

For such a brilliant writer, Ernest Hemingway's philosophical view of 'Morality' makes it possible to put the 'oral' in 'moral'.

...
and yes, KI does warp brains at night.

2010-02-23T23:03:00.003+08:00

He brushes sleep from the eyes that refuse to open. Somewhere in the fogginess, he hears Fergie crying that she's already so 3008 and that he's so 2000 and late. A weary hand slides out from under the quilt covers, snaking its way through the jungle of stuff toys. The velvety covers give way to plastic, cold from the hours in the aircon. The fingers reach up, the open phone slides shut. Fergie stops. Good. It's too early to krump.

It's a Wednesday. His fingers pass over the blue t-shirt, coming to rest on the uniform.

It's maths again. What's the number of ways that he could pick thirty-two people from fifty-eight? He doesn't know, he doesn't really care. What's the probability that he's picked? His hand movements elude even his own consciousness as they bring the pencil across the paper. The vague outline of one over fifty-eight appears.

he looks down. he doesn't remember writing that.
he's not paying attention, a voice tells him.
he looks up. it's not the face he wants to see.
the pencil slides across the paper again. only numbers appear this time.

somewhere in england, the tempestuous pair rage for each other; rage at each other. people come, people die. hope eventually triumphs, evil succumbs to good. life has come full circle; what must start must end.

the lights shine on him. his hands are raised, not in surrender, but in victory. hopeful, victory. he tells the girl in front of him that her banana is blocking him. she gives him a funny look.

he wonders if she's a great friend.

he walks into the room. it's noisy. it's messy - bags and papers lie dead on the battle-table that his eyes fall open. there's a sudden clattering as plastic meets the tiles. fireworks of laughter explode; glittering elation seems to float in the air, ringing sweetly. a boy notices him, a smile opens on his face as he hollers hallo. the 'lo' sound spikes several semi-tones higher than the 'hel'.

he wonders if he smells like sulphur.

one sits quietly amongst the rest. mini-rockbands are plugged into his ears, his mane falling over the deep wells of his eyes. he doesn't look up as a shadow falls across him; a hand clasping his neck in brotherly embrace. a phrase that both asks for his departure and a female dog is heard.

he wonders if he's feeling better.

forty sit in front of him. their eyes glimmer with a hope not yet fatigued by work, illusions not yet extinguished by reality. he can see the dreams blaze so fiercely in their eyes. it hurts, almost.

he wonders if the fire will burn forever.
he wonders if they'll love each other like he loves his others.
he wonders if they'll have cam-whoring bbqs.
he wonders if they'll fight over stupid things and reconcile almost immediately.
he wonders if they'll cry, some nights, because they're scared of the journey's end.
he wonders if they'll be a real students' council.

...
and yes, he wonders why tears sometimes fall from the eyes of the happiest.

2010-02-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

today i learnt that we've got to love somebody for all that they are.
for the parts that are easy to love.
for the parts that are difficult to love.
because we love those people.

love hannah. love wet. love council. love.

...
and yes, it's another one of those half-past-one days.

2010-02-16T21:57:00.002+08:00

kill him.
kill him.
kill. him.

blood is red.
red is auspicious.
happy murderous chinese new year everyone.

as usual, i despise chinese new year. yes, not even the angbaos make up for this massive waste of time. i'm sure if i don't give oranges, the world will explode.

it's only good for blackjack. and the holiday. oh sweet glorious holiday.
i lost $40 plus these two days of gambling. mad laughter and shizz though so i'm not too miffed about it. anyways it's angbao money which wasn't even mine so no loss.

i'm going to kill him.
bam bam bam.
die.

...
and yes, it's kinda fun to think about killing someone.

2010-02-11T23:13:00.002+08:00

it's funny how we can sometimes miss someone
even when we've only known that person for such a short time.

maths test today didn't go well. 7/25 ftw. too bad PermNComb constituted so damn little of the overall marks and Vectors had to be a chunky 60% worth of marks. since it's literally impossible to pass given the questions i even attempted, no one's going to be surprised ifwhen epic phailure comes knocking at my door.

also for once, i'm sure it's nice to see a relatively-normal blogpost instead of the weird cryptic ones of yesterday. yes, literature flows through me and i must channel it sometimes. like the famous quote from Cymbeline II, "I must write all down". Indeed, i think i'd burst without any way to express myself creatively.

alas now i am out of creative juices.
tomorrow's the steamboat at the wushu girl's house; vegetarian food ftw. we are so going to jump on her bed.
Fear me, rongming, ph33r me.

...
and yes, i really do miss him.

2010-02-09T21:00:00.002+08:00

doubt in his eyes
he walks the corridors
faces around him.

drink it up
drink it up
till you've drowned
in the light
in the sound

but who can he trust?

but who can name the face?

all the love
all the concern
he feels.
is it true?

burning glances
turning heads

Is it real?
Cause you can never really
tell can you?

Seething shadows
breathing lies
leering satyrs
peering eyes

feels like it
just feels like he's
trapped.

trapped in a

Masquerade

...
and yes, i wonder if we'll ever be the same again.

2010-02-07T23:06:00.002+08:00

lino sometimes does stupid things.
like applying a blackhead-removal strip onto his sunburnt face.
peeling it off hurt.
like hell.
and now the white colour glue-sticky thing is still stuck.
epic phail much.

considering switching to WordPress or even GASP LiveJournal cause Blogspot is getting more and more annoying. for no real reason actually. wouldn't mind Wordpress though LJ is bad cause hannah and wet will never let me live it down.

back to school tomorrow. real school. not orientation school.
real school.
catching up on work sucks.
particularly when you're not motivated to do work even at the 'usual 'pace.
gahhhh. school.

friendship and ctc ~~ftw~~ftl.
friendship booth with hadi and hannah tomorrow going to be epic.
"buy a sunflower. bitch."

...
and yes, i may actually say that.

2010-02-07T13:22:00.002+08:00

it's sunday.
i'm waiting for lunch with yongyong.
and i've got tuition later at parkway with wet and dori.
something's just not quite right but i don't know what.

this week has been the rollercoaster of rollercoasters.
from the highs of orientation to the lows of thursday and friday.
i mean, it just doesn't get any more mama-drama than this.
tears flowed thrice this week.
that's more than....
the past year?

i'm hungry.
and my stomach hurts.
and i don't really want tuition which i signed up for.
fever sucks.

...
and yes, i didn't go church again.

2010-01-31T22:47:00.002+08:00

omg
odyssey's tomorrow.
nervousness.
wonder how wet zq and jar are feeling.

it's always like this.
the day before the event.
sweaty palms, beads of fine perspiration rolling down; containing;
"will it go well?"

met up with becks, keong and tongtong today for tongtong's 3-days-in-advance birthday lunch.
no presents were involved though.
soup spoon is just as delish as ever.
pineapple in clam chowder was weird.
plus chicken wrap with mushroom didn't go down too well with the girls O.o
good time of fellowship.

hey it's our ECHO. sans alphie and elaine.
but there's always time to catch up.
hopefully there's time to catch up.
hopefully.

it's scary how someone you know
could very well leave you soon.
someone you thought was in the greatest shape of his life;
someone you thought you'd never see ill;
someone who annoyed you greatly
but you still always smiled because only friends are that idiotic.

like nish said.
why.
when you know he doesn't deserve it.
no one does.
go away cancer.
just go away.

you should really sleep now.

i'm tired.

math does that to you.

yeah i know.

go sleep.

is orientation going to be balls-to-the-walls awesome?

damn straight.

kay thanks good night.

good night.

...
and yes i get schizo sometimes.

2010-01-30T08:43:00.002+08:00

hallo world. i'm in school.
no surprise there.

listening to Don't Go Away by Oasis. From Hadi.
hannah is surprisingly quiet. this is due to zhenqiang and i implementing a variable-tax system on her. think of it as income tax/utility tax: the louder she is, the more she pays. this is, after all, an improvement over the previous pseudo-imperialist society where we would have just banned her voice altogether

gah. came at 7.30. it's now 8.50. opac rehearsal has not started. i don't think it's going to start anytime soon. omg. hadi's uploading his blog next to me. the power of peer pressure.

...
and yes, i think oasis sounds quite nice.

2010-01-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

i wanna hug you darn it.
just open up to me.

...
and yes, i still haven't done f(inequalities)

2010-01-27T21:32:00.001+08:00

tomorrow's admin day.
okay. okay. O
Kay.

many things running through my head now.
not the least of which is the darn functions+inequalities.

time passes so fast.

...
and yes, i really don't wanna do f(inequalities)

2010-01-22T23:09:00.003+08:00

some people tell me
you're never great until you fall.

some people tell me
you're never great until you fall
and get up.

they're wrong.
you're never great until you fall
and get up
with your friends by your side.

no one's perfect.
and of course i don't expect myself to be perfect.
not all the time.
it's just too tiring.

ki is quite annoying.
for one, it's making me auto-analyze the statements of the people around me and checking the logic.

...
and yes, it's just another one of those emo nights.

2010-01-21T23:06:00.002+08:00

well, tired has taken on a new meaning.
probably will be redefined again come Orientation.

CTC planning is really tiring. how Wet/Jar/ZeeQ plan Orientation is beyond me. major kudos, major kudos.

it annoys me to no end when a message is sent out and not replied. okay, so i'm not supposed to be expecting a thank-you in return, but it'd be nice wouldn't it. it's not that hard to just send back a "thank you =)" or something along that line, right?

but in any case, i'm just too exhausted to really feel anything at this point. so yeah, too bad for me. maybe they're really exhausted too. anyways, i'm not supposed to desire some form of gratitude so it's a learning point.

...
and yes, there's just a tinge of sarcasm.

2010-01-20T16:59:00.001+08:00

i hate being sick. feel so useless.
rawr

2010-01-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

i'm shooper. dooper. tired.

and editing proposals is fun. love the ctc wet games comm for being so punctual with their proposal. plus it's a really good proposal which just makes me so happy happy happy inside that i've got friends who really believe in what we're doing =)

of course, then that begets the question of the link between 'believing in something' and the consequence of 'good work' that stems from KI. however, right now i'm just far too damn tired to consider such questions and i'm just going to ignore it. anyone who wants to ponder this is welcome to be my guest.

ogl briefings today went great. i'm hoping that the ogls finally got to see the fun side of me cause i guess i've always been kinda uptight and serious and spazz in front of them. was kinda worried that the informality would dilute the message we were trying to send, but i'm glad that feedback has assured me that this message has been received. and received well at that. yay.

juggling council and school work isn't easy. it just really really isn't easy. and of course, i've been skiving off school work to gao ding council which has inevitably led to another HTHT with a teacher. again. i'm quite annoyed at myself frankly, since apparently i'm perfectly fine with doing homework of any other of my subjects except this one particular one. and when I skive, boy do i skive.

bad bad lino.

the school's chicken rice is okay when spammed with liberal amounts of black/chilli sauce. western food stall is just horrendously slow. their stars be thanked they have a complete monopoly on the type of food they sell and that the food happens to be halfway decent otherwise i wouldn't patronize that place.

i can't wait for admin day.
i can't wait for orientation.
i can't wait for rne
i can't wait for ctc.

...
and yes, i can wait for investiture.

2010-01-17T21:37:00.003+08:00

for some reason, i really detest it when blogspot constantly reminds me to update my reading list. or get a reading list for that matter. no matter how politely it's reminded that I'm "not currently following any blogs" and that I can utilize this magical "add' button to ameliorate this staggering problem, i take offense at the fact that it's not even suggested that I have a choice. soon they'll be forcing me to add one blog to 'read' every week just so that they don't have 'such cruel and heartless people' on their blogging roster.

the cruelty of the world shocks me. it just does.

in other news, i've survived the first week of school. not that it's really a big deal but Jemimah has all but declared a national holiday in lieu of this momentous occasion so i'll just roll with the flow and celebrate. more importantly, i've survived open house which was just spectaculawesome (of course) so i'm just glad that some of my dear juniors desire to join MJC.

obviously, none of you would have noticed that I actually got up to go wrap some long-overdue presents. why i bother to put such mundane stuff on this sacred virtual ground baffles me sometimes. but anyways, presents have been wrapped by this santa claus. hoes hoes hoes.

council training camp planning has started and i've gotten a fractional taste of what wet must have felt planning orientation. not that it's so bad really, but juggling this with RnE and Friendship Week and Orientation and KI and 5 other subjects is quite taxing. even chicken soup can't help this soul. and yet i'm still wasting time blogging because procrastination is just something i never delay.

right, i should get off and go slay the chemistry beast. to arms!
oh damn that chemistry dragon is strong.
now is the winter of my chemical discontent.

...
and yes, shakespeare's probably spinning in his grave.

2010-01-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

no more by-invitations only.
time to let go of the past.
i'll stand by what i say in my blog.

...
and yes, i love you to bits

2010-01-13T22:57:00.004+08:00

i'm seriously damn worried.
this is not a good end to a wonderful day.

open house was fantastic.
pity it's ending this way.
i really wish i could have just made your burden a little less heavy.
or well, i thought i was. i really thought i was.
but apparently i just added onto it.

- - -

i had tons to type
but suddenly
words don't seem like they mean anything anymore
cause i just wanna collapse on my bed.

i wish i could hug you
to reassure you of how much i love you.

2010-01-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

my new timetable is royally screwing me.

0755: Lit Tutorial (haven't started on homework)
0845: Chem Lecture (which most likely is converted to tutorial ergo die)
1115: Maths Tutorial. (yeah)
1205: KI (die)
1435: Econs Tutorial (2 out of 3 questions done)

11th Jan is going to be a fun day. i smell stomach flu coming on.

dread the 3 days more to school. well, not the 3 days itself, more like the blasted school at the end of it. i do not wish to wake up at the ungodly hour of 6 again.

on the bright side, open house should be fun. 13th's a holiday and looks like 12th will sorta be a holiday as well thanks to open house preparation which will hopefully take the entire day. orientation is definitely ship-shaping up to be fun fun FUN and that makes my spleen jiggle and wiggle with glee.

some things just never leave you after you see them. usually it's good. in my life, it's often, often good. but of course, good is the opposite of bad and i can't know positives without negatives. that day was just... well, shocking. and i never really expected that from you. and person b as well. i guess that each of us walk our own paths and make our decisions. yet for some reason, i keep seeing your action as a mistake. and i should not judge so quickly. maybe it's jealousy; that darned green-eyed monster gnawing away at me.

i wish you hadn't done that.
i think it's changed a lot between us.

...
and yes, actions speak louder than words.

2010-01-02T23:58:00.002+08:00

New Year's come and gone. It don't feel much different really 'cept for that change in the last 2 numbers of the year I now write on my foolscap.

Nevertheless, I still hold out the hope that this year will be different. Plus, it's 1204 so I'm kinda tired and sorta disillusioned with a lot of stuff around me. As usual, I'll be back to my bouncy self tomorrow. That is, if the sunburn hasn't caused all my skin to flake off.

...
and yes i get a bit jealous.

2009-12-27T01:39:00.003+08:00

i really should be sleeping now, considering it's 0139 and there's church later.

christmas 09 has come and gone. i think this has been one of the most special christmases in my life. Not only because most of the family came back from overseas where they're studying and stuff, but also because of the stuff I've learnt during christmas.

yeah, it's really not about the presents and stuff. i need to remember, i've got to remember, i tell myself that this is what I really should be remembering: that it's really about the greatest gift of all, for today He was born to us to save us. Our Blessed Saviour.

yet it seems to be a whirlwind-frenzy of shopping-shopping-partying-shopping and stuff. Not that i really mind, but I feel like I've not forked out enough time to spend with God, alone. I feel myself drifting away slowly and slowly. The fire's dwindled to embers, the embers to mere glows. it's so close to being extinguished, yet it's maintained by that one stubborn last strand that reminds me, everyday, that I'm a child of God and I'm loved by Him. To let this last strand go would be worse than death.

it's not just this life that I should be concerned about. How about the life that comes after this? Left Behind reminded me, painfully, of the bitter awareness that I am nowhere as 'holy' as I would like to be. around me, i see people giving themselves to Christ, consecrating themselves in his name (though my eyebrows are raised at several methods) and inviting Him into their lives.

yet I'm not doing that. I'm going through this on my own, stubbornly refusing to be vulnerable and admit my dependence upon Him. it sickens me, it really sickens me. and it's exacerbated by the knowledge that He has already forgiven me.

I don't deserve him. What have I done to deserve His never failing, never ending love? I've done nothing worthy of that.

I need to remember who I'm living for. I'm living because of the greatest present given to me, bestowed before I was even born.

2009-12-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

Hadi and Hannah, I'M SO HAPPY YOU GUYS ARE BACK! MISS YOU LOADS!

Okay, now that that's out of the way.

looking forward to the 48-hour marathon that's the 24th and 25th of December. I'm talking 48 hours with maybe 3 hours of sleep in between. okay, so it's not as bad as OGL Camp but it's not a camp. It'll be 48 hours of like pure unadulterated fun!

jamming with Hadi yesterday was <3. Angel and Boston are our official songs now. Hopefully we can let the other councillors hear during the Xmas party in preparation for Soiree next year =)

2009-12-20T00:06:00.002+08:00

okay i'm bored out of my mind.
really really bored.

couldn't go out with the councillors today to go Finale Shopping cause of that. not that it's really a bad thing, just really bad timing. N2 outing on 18th was postponed and now the 101 Callisto Island outing on the 21st (which I finally remembered about) is postponed too. rawr.

i am a sad boy. i wantz mahjong.

...
and yes my life is a crisis.

2009-12-16T18:33:00.003+08:00

No I'm not blogging about Africa trip. It was like 9 days long. Hell no.

but it's nice to be back in lovely Singapore, really missed the people here.

nothing much to update really. cassandra's going to reach singapore tomorrow morning so i'm still figuring out where to go tomorrow haha. thaipan for dinner's a definite, it's just the whole in-between part that's difficult. sigh. singapore's so damn boring. ah wells.

africa photos should be up on fb soon i hope. must... remember.

...
and yes, I'm tanner now.

2009-12-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

3 hours to the airport
5 hours to the flight.
eternity till i see the councillors again.

never realized how much i love council.
until i realized that my face was cool with the tears trickling down as i left ogl camp.

2009-12-03T05:14:00.003+08:00

it's 5.14 am
sweet lord, why am I awake?

well, the day's finally here. the 3 days that marks the culmination of all our blood, sweat, tears and bitching. not to mention late late nights spent rushing proposals and proposals and proposals and yup, more proposals.

i guess i could sound a little more excited. but it's 5.16 am and i'm not exactly in the perkiest of moods right about now. i'm excited; it'd be weird if I wasn't, but it's kinda with mixed feelings that I walk towards OGL camp.

like what another councillor has said, sometimes it's become mechanical. where we're just rushing to meet deadlines, deadlines and more deadlines.

maybe that sounds offensive. like we're trivializing the whole process and disregarding our personal efforts and goals. i'm not. if anything, i want to praise it. i think some people have put in extraordinary amounts of effort into this camp and it shows (even if it's by the stress lines on their forehead) in the work produced.

and maybe, at 5.26 am, it's time to go bathe and prepare.
God's blessings be upon us.

2009-12-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

i think mr hon was correct =)

sometimes we're just so trapped by the circumstances that we're in, that we forget to step back and look at what we're doing. and even when we do that, we still can't see the bigger picture.

but i think mr hon missed out something important.

that it's not really the circumstances that matter. but rather how we choose to react to those circumstances. perhaps this is being idealistic, but we choose how we want to react. whether we rise to meet it with determination and grit, or with despondence and resignation, it's a choice that we make. yeah, those around us influence those decisions, but it's ultimately our choice.

choice.

something that we don't often think we have. yet i try to constantly remind myself that i am responsible for how i react. if i choose to see it positively, it will be. and of course, the opposite applies.

never forgetting, of course, that God up there is always watching over me. it's funny sometimes, how i think that i can only turn to him in times of trouble. it's both a 'tribute' and an insult. the former because it seems that he is more 'powerful' than me; the latter because I already know that God loves me so so so so so much more than I can ever imagine and that He should be the one I turn to for all my needs, for all my wants, for all my life.

i hope that the choices i make will keep this Council together. there's a sense of foreboding that cannot be dispelled in my heart, an awful picture that we're survivors of a sinking ship desperately clinging to flotsams that drift ever further and further apart. i don't want us to drift apart; i want us to be together.

it's not that there's safety in numbers.
it's because I love them so much that I want to be with them, no matter what happens.
Sink or swim, we'll do it together.

cause we'll walk from the game with pride and fame
we feel no fear, we feel no pain.

sometimes it's difficult to adequately express how much I love my friends. it frustrates me, sometimes, that they'll never be able to see the depth of my heart.

2009-12-01T13:09:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting next to Tan Wei Yeat.
My life is win =)

2009-11-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

Friendship sometimes seems fleeting.

when you're with a friend and there's silence after a sentence. do you sit back and enjoy the silence or try and start a new topic? i guess a better question is why I'm so pre-occupied with such small details. meticulous? attentive? or just plain paranoid?

but those who give advice are sometimes those who need it the most and yet forget it. let's step back. step back from the clutter and mess of the smaller picture and look at the bigger picture. hmm, the bigger picture still looks quite messy though. which, i guess, just reflects that i have way too much on my plate right about now.

i'm just too paranoid, end of story.

friendship sometimes seems fleeting.
i try to grab on to the fading laughter, the dying smile, try to keep it there. it's how i feel safe.

2009-11-27T09:46:00.002+08:00

Dry Runs for 101 went okay, thank the Lord for that.

I hate it when concern seems rebuffed.

2009-11-25T00:20:00.003+08:00

Our AAR Agenda

Share about what we think went wrong.
Discuss ways that we can correct these mistakes
Nod heads.
Forget everything.
Life goes on.

Lino is kinda emo now.

Not angry, just frustrated.
Not irritated, just contemplative.
Not sad, just reflecting.

Why?

Not family, just Council.

Wait.
Shouldn't it be

Not Council, just family?

where did we change?

2009-11-21T23:01:00.002+08:00

I know that I can get people to open up to me, getting inside them and letting them bare everything in their hearts to me.

For better?
Or worse?

I am a confused boy. Lino needs a Heart-To-Heart talk too.

2009-11-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

We're Godzilla.
You're LasVegas.
*RAWRCHOMP*

Hadi is epic win. Wet's a slave on Monday. Council Room looks fantastic.

Can this day get anymore win?

I know LTC blogpost is overdue, thousand apologies. Will blog tomorrow; wanna play Heroes5 now ><

2009-11-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

[Tag Replies]
Fu Zhi: Haha, my holidays don't even start till I go overseas; it's all sold to Council. Not that I really mind haha. Enjoy your holidays man! You deserve them Mr Yam!
Wet: Yayyyyyyy ^^
Hannah: InBredy bunch is the <3 feelings

[For some reason, one entire paragraph here got deleted so it sounds disjointed. Argh.]

Like an irritating mosquito, LTC will never really die, always popping up when least expected. Having it fall on the weekend right before P101 submission made me detest LTC all the more and I was not expecting a good time. Right from the start, the groupings seemed... well, weird I guess. Got Jesslyn and YuLin in my group, people I know and like (of course ^^) but never really talked to that much. On hindsight, this was probably God's way of showing me how I can be so really wrong sometimes and admit it proudly. Other people like Sanchita, Michael and Joshua; people that I also sorta knew but never talked to much. It seemed like a rojak group, definitely not a really sporty one. I remember thinking that my group wouldn't be easy to be 'high'. And I wanted to be high. I love high. High is fun. High is nice. High is me. I am high. Yay high. I remember looking at Wet's group and being really envious because he had all the fun people like Denny, Nawawi, Neville and HuaYu as well ss Hannah cause she had Jar, ZQ and MingRong.

"...seeing cliques in Jalan Bahtera never failed to make me roll my eyes and walk away."
-Wet's blog.

How true. LTC's not all about spending time with people you know. It's also about getting to know other people, stepping out of your comfort zone with the people you know and love. Because sometimes when we're so happy with what we have, it's hard to remember how we came to love the people in the first place. It took that courage to step out, to open up and learn to accept and love people like Hannah, Wet, Jar etc etc, courage that I realized I suddenly lacked because I was so damn comfortable. Suddenly, it was hard to have to reintroduce myself, what I liked, what was my favourite colour. You know, things that your friends already know. It seemed a bit weird, tiresome even. But we've all gotta start somewhere.

I'm so glad I wasn't put with people I'm familiar with. I'm thankful for the group I got, for the people I 'sorta' knew. I believe that was instrumental to my total enjoyment and appreciation of the camp. They weren't all people I was unfamiliar with; rather, I hungered to know more about them because I realized how little I knew. It was that feeling of "Gosh, I really don't know this person."

Sometimes, I think that knowing someone's favourite colour, favourite food, number of siblings doesn't really qualify as 'knowing them'. I mean, it's just a small thing, just little details. When will stuff like this ever really matter? Apart from birthdays and all; and then most of the time you can always exchange your present if it's not the colour you like and stuff like that.

Yet every big picture is made up of its little parts. Every painting consists of innumerable brush strokes. Yes, knowing these little "mundane' little details doesn't really make you a friend. But if I don't know them, can I consider myself really a friend? It startles me to realize that I saw friendship as something that would not only transcend some details, but completely ignored them as well. What's Hannah's favourite colour? What's Wet's favourite food? What drink does Davis like the best? If you pointed a gun to my head, I couldn't tell you.

Little details like this matter. They're not the big picture, but they make up the big picture.

I love the camp, because every activity meant something. And it wasn't the kind of lesson that was forcibly inserted so that the activity looks meaningful. No. The activities themselves wholly encapsulated those lessons, showing us how those lessons are not only practical, but useful in our lives.

Laser Tag was fun, not just because Jaslin was more excited than any of us that we could play, but because it was with a group of people that would really defend each other. Sure, we didn't roll around and backstab and shout GO GO GO while charging in, but we had each others' backs. Even when Langston went into God-Mode with his haxxored sensors and basically mudhole-stomped me, it was fun. The rain made it even better, a light drizzle that really accentuated the whole combat feeling. We charged through the rain, shoes splashing up little fountains of muddied grass as we shot each other. I remember stepping straight into Jason's line of fire and dying in about 2 seconds. I remember YuLin team-killing me as I retreated and she promptly shot-gunned me.

Their faces are still in my mind. Wet hair plastered to our faces as we screamed, shouted and laughed as we tried to kill each other the way only friends can. Bollywooding around the pole with Langston as he shot and I dodged was hilarious and a memory that I'll never forget. Little details like this matter ^^ I'm not looking back at LTC and thinking "wow that was a great camp". I'm looking back and remember all the expressions, the body language, each and every one of the N2ians as they expressed their joy in a way completely unique to them.

And what would a camp be without its moments of guys being guys. Hadi was epic win during the camp. Bathed like 6 times during a 3D2N camp; that's probably the same number of times I'd bathe at home. The whole turban thing was epic-win and that's definitely seared in my mind - how we calmly walked from the toilet, through the campfire area and back to the bunks with our towel-turbans proudly sitting on our heads. It was a MapleStory moment; bet those turbans added +5 Thick Skin because I have no idea why I was so shameless enough to do such a thing.

Oh right, it was with Hadi.

Hadi - Linus, I lost my cap.
Lino - It's not a cap. It's a freaking bag.
Hadi - I lost my cap. You're not sleeping until I find it.
[5 minutes later and after finding his cap]
Lino - I'm going to sleep now.
Hadi - I have no pillow, I'm not sleeping. You're not sleeping.
Lino - HADI!
Hadi - I got koko crunch and something else for you if you wake up.
Lino - You can't tempt me with ooooooo honey stars!

Lino - Mendel!
Mendel - Yar?
Hadi - You got a virgin face.

Instructor - You in the bunk! Turn off your PSP!
Lino - It's a DS, dumb shit.
Hadi - It's a iPhone.
Lino - It's DS, it stands for dumb shit, dumb shit.
Hadi - Your mother touch screen.
Lino - I just got pwned.

Okay it's 11. I've got from 9 to 12 tomorrow to blog in school since my lessons don't start until then. Sucks. Will update with more (hopefully) insightful reflections of LTC tomorrow. Till then
^^

And I'm off again =3

2009-11-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

Ian - Noooo Wet go away then who teach me dance?
Jarvis - We get the whole dance comm.
Hannah - To teach Ian?
Jarvis - Yar.
Lino - Epic.

Chinese class outing was magicfantabulous. Too bad not everyone was there. Photos uploaded on FB for anyone interested. As usual, I am captured in particularly unglam moments. Go figure.

Tomorrow marks the end of PW with the submission of the InR. Then we are forever freed from the chains of PW. Bittersweet as always.

Holy crap, I think all my exhaustion and fatigue of today just hit me. I swear my world just spun a couple of rounds.

And I want my keyboard. rawr.

And I totally agree with Hadi. "No offense but" is but the clearest signpost that you are going to insult someone so badly that his/her ancestors will cry. Which means it's going to make a great addition to my already extensive arsenal of verbal weaponry. Ph33r me nubz.

On that same note, I remember Hadi discussing atheism.
Sometimes people ask me why I believe in God. I point them to Pascal's Wager. Flawed as it may be.

Okay, time to help ian with his InR. updates... tomorrow? love all of you that read.

and i'm off again ^^

2009-11-10T22:09:00.003+08:00

Davis: I'm going to make my kids live in poverty
Lino: Any particular reason?
Davis: So they won't spend so much.
Lino: Oh, I was going to say that it builds character. But what's undeniably and clearly more important that I get more money for myself.
Davis: That too.

Davis: I hate Bandung
Lino: *Heart Attack*
Chun Yong: So drama. What's so nice about Bandung.
Lino: *Heart Attack* X 2

I hate P101. Already.

Edit: Okay, that totally can't be the only post. And I'm not feeling so down and annoyed anymore, plus i feel like posting.

Funnily enough, once I started blogging, my arms are starting to ache. Needless to say, I haven't done any strenuous work today except for constantly pushing my hair out of my eyes.

Worship on Sunday was good and fruitful. Surprisingly, what I think is quite bad is apparently good in the eyes of some others, which is really encouraging I guess. Yes, it's about God and all and I'm know that's what's most important. But there's a most keyword in the previous sentence and I think it's only honest to admit that I want, you know, fellow humans to enjoy my playing.

I don't see why people play to show off. What's so great about being able to play the piano that makes one play super difficult and complicated pieces to 'wow' people? I mean, I can sort of understanding that the attention is nice and of course, it's nice to have people think 'wah seh you damn pro' and shizznit like that. But... Okay, maybe I'm just different.

I play for pleasure. Not the sexual kind, although if music gives you an orgasm then by all means go ahead, just don't listen to me if/when I play. I play cause I wanna see people smile, cause I wanna be happy and express myself through playing; not because I want people to think I'm pro. I'm definitely not anyways. Which will probably lead some people to think I'm being sour grapes. These people can suck my banana.

And apparently I'm "tyrannical at times". This re-defines the limits of WTF for me. Okay, I was tyrannical in VS and a slave-driving bitch and yes I enjoyed it. However, this is clearly not the way to operate in JC and I don't wanna continue like this. So I've been trying to be nice and all and not flare up like I've been so tempted to do sometimes when people just don't get instructions.

But lately, certain OGLs have been driving me bonkers. In this lovely modern age of technology, pen-and-paper is hardly required for drafting proposals. On that note, the proposals are supposed to be submitted in soft copy. I'm not asking for the Imperial Verdict on freaking parchment (dipped in tea first, please and thank you), I'm just looking for a soft copy of a proposal. This would require OGLs to sit down at a computer and spend at most half an hour pressing some buttons.

Instead of pushing the computer buttons however, they prefer to push mine. This may be attributed to the fact that, being somewhat human, I display a far greater range of responses than the average computer's "Error 404: You Suck". These responses vary widely, including but not limited to: Shock, Horror and Shocked Horror. The third reaction seems particularly popular amongst them for incomprehensible reasons.

On a more serious note, I think some of the reasons are... lacking, to say the least. OP currently ranks as the top most popular excuse. Even amongst those who's OP has ended. While I can see how OP is important, it's not like I didn't sacrifice OP prep. time for this. I had to sacrifice 3 hours the day before my OP to gao-ding Council stuff and meet OGLs, more than half of whom didn't bloody turn up at all. Yes, I'm a Councillor and this is my job and I'm not complaining about it. What I'm annoyed is that some OGLs don't seem to realize that they ARE OGLs and that we're already running on a schedule tighter than Beyonce's ass (Beyonce's ass is WHOA-MAMA tight for anyone who's in doubt) and any delay is just freaking annoying. Now I have to rush out 2 days' worth of stuff in like half a day. Apparently people don't seem to understand that I have a life too that doesn't just revolve around Council and now everything's been thrown to hell.

And if anyone's going to argue that OGLs have a life too, they had like 4 days to do the damn thing. Even if they're abnormally pious and observe the Sabbath and stuff like that, it's still 3 days. Technically, 3.5 days but let's be nice. Half an hour out of 3 days is clearly too much to ask sometimes. Yes, Council comes with its fair share of delays which I'm all too familiar with. But sometimes it gets too redonkulous for my taste.

Hope things improve. Looks like another meeting to discuss improvements to the communication structure of the P.101 system needs to be held. Gah.

Kay, enough bitching.

Met up with Davis and YongYong for lunch at Thaipan today. Discovered that MRT + Bus is much faster than Bus because I'm slow like that. Met Davis at Bedok MRT and had a fun 10 seconds messaging YongYong cute messages.

[Messaging]
Lino: Hey Chun, I'll be a bit late cause I met a friend and got a bit distracted. On the bus now =)
[5 seconds later]
Davis: Hey, I'll be a bit late cause I distracted a friend. On the bus now.

Little spastic things that remind me of how great my friends are. Yay for Spazz!

Crashed VS for a while and saw Wei Yang, KayFong, Timo and Ivan. Although to be fair, I kinda roared across half the canteen for Ivan. Talked for a while with Ivan and Timo, glad to see them still surviving Os. Yay pseudo-sibilance. Saw some people whom I didn't wanna see and I think they saw me too. Mutual ignorance was established and we went on our merry ways. Couple of people I wanted to talk to but they were busy. Deciding that just saying 'hi' would look retarded in front of their friends, I decided to leave. Plus I was hungry.

Walked into Thaipan and saw Mr Cheng. My jaw literally dropped. Yu Ting came in after he left. My jaw dropped again. Neither ChunYong nor Davis bothered helping me to pick it up, too engrossed in eating were they. Can't blame them; Thaipan food is absolutely gorgeous. The butter squid seemed just a tad lacking today, but the Thaipan Fried Rice (less chilli please!) was as awesome as ever. Both of them looked tired (as usual, no surprises there ladies and gentlemen) so we didn't talk as much as I would have liked. Still, it was nice just to sit there and enjoy their company, letting the memories of the days past flood my mind. 4G may have been a bitch class, but it was MY bitch class and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Would love another 4G gathering, preferably sans certain people. But they can always be ignored. So whatever. Gosh, I'm super tired.

P.101 + WGM + Dance tomorrow. Can't wait to see my:

Imba GrandDad (ZhenQiang)
Ahncient Egypshun Lashar Beems GrandMum (SuVen)
Tri-Sexual Dad (Hadi)
Twin-Slash-Incest Partner Sister (Hannah)
Younger-but-bigger-therefore-elder Brother (Jarwiiis)
Vietnamese Brother (WET)

Yes, we're like a family alright. First there was the Brady Bunch.

Watch out people, now there's the InBredy bunch.

Nights all, I'm zonking out already.

And I'm off again =)

2009-11-05T21:45:00.002+08:00

Tag Replies!
Alvin: Omg Ris Low is like so over.
Tamim: Maybe for you. You probably ate the paper.
Hadi: Ty ty
Hannah: Awww I <3 you to the ends of the world too.

I really liked running through the rain today on my way home.

It reminded me of happy times in VS.
Yes, I had happy times in the rain. Seriously, amazingly happy times.

A tinge of nostalgia hits me again today. Oh how I sometimes look back to the VS Sec 3 days and wish I could re-live some of those days again. But it's all past now and there's the Council people to enjoy and spend time with. Time to treasure those memories cause I don't wanna look back and realize I didn't.

In a cell, the past is within, the present without.

OP tomorrow. Pray for me people, and wish me luck. God knows I need tons of it tomorrow. And sleep too. Sweet delicious sleep.

Yet I'm blogging. Stupid me. I should really stop blogging.

2009-11-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

Tag Replies!
Hadi: Yeah, it's the guy in me. Violence in video games is good. Fighting games have violence. Fighting games are good. Mmm... Blood...
Hannah: Literature has allowed me to tap into the little emo-emo parts of me. Also, emo-emo looks like some weird ass bra shape.

Cause there's just that little jealousy in me whenever the two of them talk. Little itty-bitty teensy-weensy pang of "damn, why am I not in that convo?"

Which, of course, considering how often I do talk to them, sounds absolutely ridonkulous even to me. And it pretty much is ridonkulous. Gosh, why do I crave attention so much at times. Naughty naughty Lino. Silly silly Lino. Attention-whoring is bad. Remember how much you dislike megalomaniacs? Don't go turning into one yourself! Snap out of it, snap out of it!

Okay, that was kinda weird. Pseudo-schizophrenia is fun. Especially when you do it in front of your classmates and they kinda freak out. It's like yay omg woo hoo!

Chinese A Levels today was boomz. The composition was hard like no one's business and paper 2 didn't cheer me up. Needless to say, I think multiple jaws hit the ground when we saw Question 2 and the absolutely never-before-seen format that it came in. I literally rubbed my eyes and wondered if I had inhaled some kind of brand-new aerated marijuana. That, or the stress from council had finally gotten to me. Alas, the question was really so and I did it with as much care and concern as I usually do. Seriously. No, there's no weird blanked-out text or sarcasm, I really did it with utmost care and concern! It's A levels people, Lino does not screw around with Cambridge and their old crumpet-scoffing tea-sipping Examinators (Now with even less marks!) because academics determine all in Singapore. Or at least that's what Mum says.

For all the importance that was put on grades, you'd think I'd be able to transmute plastic to gold, or something remotely useful with all that effort invested. Unfortunately, investing effort into studies gets me to places where I have to invest more effort to get to places where I have to invest more effort. This cycle goes on until the final stage where I don't have to invest any more effort. After all, dead people can't dig their own graves can they?

[Random] Yay Eagle Owl Mousie! [/Random]

On that same note, I think the magnitude of Pirating 101 (Henceforth abbreviated as P101 although I don't know why I bother explaining, it's my blog) has finally hit me. It's not all about fun and laughter and getting to know more people, although that's one of the perks about the job. It's also about the responsibility and vetting proposals and working together with people. Which frankly is quite tough for me because in VS, I liked being the slavedriving bitch that never worked with people but had people working for him. And now in JC, doing that will get my ass kicked and/or fired by people very very capable of doing so. Which signals the need for a change. I could put in some lame stuff about this being an emergency and drawing lessons learned and stuff but to elaborate any further would be so lame that any guy reading this would no longer be a man. That's right, there are now jokes so lame, they cause involuntary emasculation. And stuff like that. It's the 12.19 brain talking. What remains of the brain.

hoahdoaihsoidhaoshdiuaher heheheheheheh HAHAHAHAHAHAH spluttergurglechoke.

Needed to get that out.

Happy Tree Friends has served as a constant reminder to me that violence is funny to watch but very very bad to do unto other people (assuming that I don't want violence done unto me. and I don't). This is why I've resorted to more pleasant and civilized means of settling problems. After all, we all know that the cleanest way to kill a man is with a hammer. Pounding and smashing is, after all, splatter-free.

I think. 12.22 brain ain't any saner than the 12.19 brain.

And now the 12.23 brain is telling me that I must be off. I would argue, but it's kinda my brain. To avoid descending into a spiral of madness, I shall not argue with my brain.

and I'm off again.

2009-11-01T21:37:00.002+08:00

okay, even Hadi has updated his blog which means I should too. No offense Hadz.

Bought Tekken 6 and not regretting it in the least. Lili Rochefort is one sexy hot ass chick that kicks just as much ass as she has. Wow, that was a lot of ass.

but yeah, tekken6 is awesome sauce. strongly recommended to-be-picked-up for any other fighting game enthusiast out there! both the girls and the guys are incredibly smexy. Okay, it's not worth forking out $65 for eyecandy alone (particularly when websites such as Www.FightersGeneration.Com provide smashingly good coverage) but it's definitely going to blow you away. I'm using a small-ass SD tv and I was still blown to bits by the amazing detail. So if you're using a giant HD tv (I'm looking at you, Ian), this game is going to knock your socks off.

okay, enough gaming. there's A level chinese tomorrow and I spent today sick/playing games. woo.

1st OGL meeting went well. I'm really encouraged by the Pirating101 people especially cause they sure look like an enthusiastic bunch haha. Looks like Hannah and I picked well =) Minor conflicts popping up, but well, they've been (sorta) cleared up.

and back to happy tree friends for nice fun before i sleep. gosh i'm a pig.

actual updates to come next time.

and I'm off again

2009-10-29T08:35:00.000+08:00

meeting thomas for dinner in about 45 mins. which means i should have left house by now.

oops.

hectic hectic lifestyle these few days, been reaching home at 11 and chionging pw/council.

but it's fun and all.

i want to stay 32.

2009-10-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

[Outside my house while Alyah and Cindy are heading for Orientation Meeting]
Wei Ren: Ahhhh, what am I going to do for 3 hours? I think I might as well go home and sleep haha. Linus, what are you going to be doing?
Lino: Uhh... I live here.
Wei Ren: Oh right. Crap.

Short update:

Jarvis' birthday celebration was great. awesome people, awesome time. would blog more but it's not really that important to blog about.

internal debate now ( and discussion with wet ) about the Bible. Are the lessons from the Bible to be taken as they are? Should we apply them to modern societal views? or should we use them to shape modern societal views? Which should fit which? Where do I draw the line between being overly-'conservative' and overly-'liberal'. Is there a line?

The last question sounds dumb. but it's something I've been considering for ages.

And Hadi asked an interesting question today. Do Christians believe in the Big Bang?

If we believe in the Big Bang, does that mean God doesn't exist?
If we believe in evolution, does that mean God doesn't exist?

I mean, couldn't God have just created the Big Bang and Evolution? I know this is open to being ripped apart by any half-decent (Non)KI student out there. But it's my way of thinking. If there's an argument about whether God created something or X created something: God created X.

2009-10-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

Lino: Damn bees.
Zhen Qiang: Why only the bees? Why not the As.
Lino: [Facepalm]

Lino: We totally need to go Kboxing man.
Ian: How about Zboxing?
Hadi: We should go Sboxing. Somalian boxing. [To Zhen Qiang] Have you ever eaten Somalian food?
Zhen Qiang; Uhhh, no.
Hadi: Neither have they. No food over there lurh.

Quotes section resurrected. Hooray!

I got 2.7m today.
In pinball.

I think that officially means that my life has been validated, and that it's freaking awesome marshmallowy goodness that now fills my life. Or something along those lines.

today was the first day of OGL interviews. Like mr hon said, it's okay that on the first day, things didn't go perfectly. The interviewees today kinda startled me though; those that I expected to do well didn't do so hot, and those that I expected to "screw up" surprised me with elaborate and insightful answers. Just shows that I can't really judge people like that I guess.

the OGL interviews remind me of the upcoming R&E and with that, the eventual stepping down of our council in 4 months. it's sad to be leaving council work. Despite all the bitching we do about it, it's always worth it in the end; it's always with joy and pride that we look back on the sweat blood and tears. but more importantly, it's the council term that ends, not the council. we're 32. no matter what happens, we're 32.

you see, friendship isn't defined by how far we are physically apart from each other, or by whether we're J1 or J2, or whether we're in JC or we're in poly. it's defined by the people who put in the effort into the friendship.

I like that phrase.

It's the council term that ends, not the Council.

2009-10-20T10:06:00.002+08:00

ahhhhhhh schoooooooool.

okay, i'm in school now and it's about 20 minutes to chinese, excuse me, mandarin lesson. and i hate sketchup.

2009-10-19T21:23:00.001+08:00

tomorrow's ogl interview.

ooo
i like da powah.

real updates some other days. don't feel like writing about the past days' experiences right now.

2009-10-16T22:26:00.001+08:00

today i learnt that it's really not just about me, it's about others. i'm sorry, so sorry =/ but i'm so glad that we're both united so strongly by Christ and that His love for us allows us to love each other ^^

just blogging before starting on wr and completely losing the urge to blog and to live.

and i'm off again.

2009-10-14T22:20:00.002+08:00

sweetness springs from hardships.

though lit isn't out yet, i think that my results so far have pretty much taught me a really valuable lesson when it comes to work.

it's really not secondary school.
it's really not vs anymore

jc is different. jc is SO different. and it took me almost an entire year to realize this. what's scary is the thought that i'm going to write this blogpost about reflection, about self-realization. and then i'm going to go right back to being that same person. that's scary. that's very scary for me.

i feel really sad when i see my classmates. i feel so saddened because i see the effort they put in, all that hard honest sincere work. tutorials and assignments, they do it. they write out full worked-out solutions as i sit there twiddling my thumbs and hoping my teacher doesn't pick on me to answer. the day before the exam, they're revising their work as i play dota and wonder if i can pull off an Olevel-Midyears-Promo magic hat trick.

well i somehow did. yet for all their hard work, they didn't.

a conflicted mind rests within me now; logic and what i presume to be human sentiments are warmongers. from what i can hope is a logical point of view, hard work does not necessarily result in results. that is, amount of work isn't directly proportional to results produced. considerations such as hard working encompassing smart work aside, they didn't get the results they "should" have.

even considering that the hard work did not encompass smart work, surely the effort that they put in should have justified receiving some marks right?

that's what human sentiment tells me. it's not compassion, and certainly not pity. perhaps it's just that sense of human brotherly-sisterly love that lies actively dormant in all/most humans; a dim candle that only flickers briefly to let you know that it still lives, yet fills your heart with a warmness that can both comfort and constrict.

yet logic's case is clear. if they did not work smart, why should they get results? they are not entitled to the results. the exams demand certain answers and i feel that regardless of whether one thinks or feels that these answers are truly answers, attempting to circumvent is foolhardy. a change from the bottom up is difficult and sometimes, almost-impossible. i suppose this point could be expanded further, explained a lot better but it requires clarity of thoughts and a rigour that the fatigued mind and body of mine cannot and will not provide right now.

i'm torn, not confused. i have no doubts as to the circumstances, it is not a matter of 'why isn't it this instead of that'. rather to me, it is a simple question of 'where do i stand'. when reason and emotions wage war within me, no one else but God can ever understand the pain i feel inside. no words can ever express the turmoil. perhaps i'm being melodramatic. or perhaps i'm just being honest.

perhaps, just perhaps, melodrama is honest.

i want a prayer session with the councillors. i want to let them know that God's alive and well-within our lives. His holy spirit is within us, not without us and He's truly infused into every single aspect of our lives. we need to learn to trust in Him.

i need to learn to trust in Him.

and i'm off again.

2009-10-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

yay, dinner with hadi/marshmallow + hannah/charizard + weiyeat/sulfur at BBQ chicken (it's BBQ not Barbeque!) was awesome. as always.

*edit*
I was just going to leave it as above but for some reason i feel like blogging more haha. Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush is wonderful; the vocal acrobatics are just orgasmic. Kinda prefer Hayley Westenra's version though; it's not as punchy as the original but she seems to contain more of Cathy's pathos and spirit and ultimately that's what counts yeah.

results haven't been too bad. it's not amazing, but it's decent, higher than what i expected for maths and chem, yet lower than expected for econs. very disappointed in chinese; although it's more because i dropped from 1st in class to 3rd with an abysmal 68. at this rate, that A for chinese seems to be so very far away!

2009-10-10T23:25:00.006+08:00

council dinner is the love. council people are the love.

okay so it wasn't really a council thing, just 5 awesome people eating dinner, playing SSM and 5 playing pool (1 owned, no prizes for guessing who) but it was a day made of sheer pwn.

oh, one downside. stupid me tripped on my earphones and kinda yanked out one part. it still works perfectly, just that one adjustable section is not working quite so well (read: frictionless). nevertheless i <3 style="font-weight: bold;">orgasmic joy experienced while playing music, it was already 45 minutes before i was going to be late. serangoon to bedok is not a short journey as anyone not living under a rock would know and EVERYONE knows Lino HATES to be late. i flew out of the house and to the bus stop where the bus was just pulling away. Calm and composed (as always), I flailed my arms wildly in a desperate attempt that paid off.

turns out i was 15 mins early. singapore must have shrunk, oh wells. now we're an even more insignificant dot on the map! hurrah and cheers for all. the skies opened as I reached bedok and stood inside the mrt station whilst it poured cats, dogs and several warking penguins outside. kenneth reached, then hannah and xinyi was late so we went around scouting for places. bedok is a trove of stations to be sure. once xinyi came, we journeyed to macs for breakfast/lunch and had uber conversations about the teachers and council. then it was another journey around bedok in 80 minutes. for some reason, most of our stations are around playgrounds cause playgrounds symbolize fun, laughter and cheer and that's what council is all about.

finally finished, came back home (I effing hate pokemon battle tower) and dota/soulcalibured my brain into non-existence planes of exuberance. soon it was time to go ~~clarke quay~~ CITY HALL for dinner. hadi was already there so rather than abandon a dear friend, i rushed over. this time i was delayed not by the piano (the mahjong 2 metres away from the piano terminated any hope anyways) but by my vanity. it did not work out well.

got crushed in the human traffic jam at dhobyghaut/city hall. the sheer amount of people there is horrible. a small defenseless youth like me can easily be smashed and trampled upon. oh well, survival of the fittest I guess. wish I had suven to protect me with her ahncient egypshun lashar beems

dinner at thaiexpress was epic because of the following:

ordering dishes in thai was epic thanks to hadi's gai thom gah krapow( we have videos )
shootshagmarry
apparently I married and shagged a dustbin (love knows no bounds)
Man cream (As reminded by Hadi)

pool was momentous (read: epic) win as well. weiyeat is imb4haxxor and needs to be nerfed

and i need to effing sleep now. kthxbai!

2009-10-10T18:10:00.002+08:00

as stated by hadi and hannah, council is the love. and it's 2 months of council.

does life get any better?

going to suntec now for dinner with the councillors. life rocks.

2009-10-05T18:46:00.004+08:00

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's not fair that lit has 1 extra paper while every other damn h2 subject ( and every other subject in general for that matter ) has got only 1 paper. and because of that i have a bestinking paper tomorrow afternoon while the rest of council is happily gallivanting around preparing for J1 bash *spluttergurglechoke* not fair not fair not fair.

and maths was kinda easy omigosh. and since lino finds it easy, anyone who actually studied is going to find the paper practically force-feeding you marks. it was -that- easy. okay, it wasn't like that that easy, but it was pretty easy. like i can sub-pass easy. and if i don't subpass, i shall seriously consider whether maths is part of my life (it's not).

and i'm off again

2009-10-03T21:55:00.002+08:00

Damn I really need to start blogging regularly again. then again, gah, it's just not that fun to blog anymore. seriously. i need to start blog-hopping to make life interested. eh councillors with blogs, leave your url on my tagboard lurhhhhh. i need my blogging social-circle thing back, i wanna be a beautiful social butterfly goshdarnit!

promos have been like a pseudo-suckfest. or maybe it's just cause i wanna think i'm going to do badly cause i probably will, and if i think i'll do well and do badly then it'll be like hadi's BAMCROTCHSHOT incident. which is like getting a punch to the chesticles and that is epic phail. but, damn, i think it went decently. that's what i thought for midyears, and hello 32.5/80. can you say phail? i can. m-y-r-e-s-u-l-t-s.

and we're supposed to be bowling on monday when exams end. that's awesome sauce, really. like majorwhoopass shizz hanging out with the councillors without having to worry about things like the charge of a Sodium Ion ( +1 btw ) and what Linton whined about to Catherine in Chapter 874125 of Wuthering Heights ( his complete lack of testosterone ) and other exam-related hallucinations.

drugs make you hallucinate about butterflies.
exams make you hallucinate about what makes butterflies fly (upward thrust?).
drugs make you do stupid things like pretending to be someone of another sex.
exams make you do stupid things like trying to find out a rabbit's sex based on the provided data of the three generations before it (hint: check if it has a vagina asswipe)
drugs make you sleep.
exams make you sleep.

If exams don't classify as biological warfare then clearly there's something very wrong going on in the world of today. perhaps it has something to do with the whole new fad of Ice Lemon Pee now being sold at every major conveniencestore/mini-mart/fastfoodoutlet/urinal that tastes exactly like what it sounds.

and i'm off again, my brain fluttering to do something else. like taking a damn bath cause i haven't bathed at all today. goshdarnit, hygiene at the expense of studies? never!

2009-09-01T21:16:00.002+08:00

Wow, I'm back at blogging. A veritable miracle to be sure.

I think the trip back to ol VS triggered some memories, including some repressed ones. Well, not repressed per se, just not pleasant enough for me to recall them on any other day.

I miss PSB. And I miss CO. And my heart still aches for those times of the past in Sec 2 and Sec 3, back when life was really care-free. Surrounded by people that cared about me and I cared about them. Or at least, I cared about them.

Correction: I care about them.

Ah. Whispers in the wind.

Went out with Davis for lunch yesterday, was really nice catching up with him. Friendship is a beautiful thing. And I wanted to type something here, but I just talked to him on MSN and now I've forgotten what I wanted to type. Ah, it'll come back I hope.

Ah okay, I remember. Met JunRong and YunSol at Prints. Which kinda reminded me of the PSB days again. Which triggered both happy and sad memories again, but more happy than sad, thankfully. I'll always be grateful for those valuable lessons taught through both success and failure.

2009-08-26T10:18:00.002+08:00

omggggg i'm finally blogging again.

btw, sofihaha and attila the han are beside me right now. alyah's in the closet changing, but she'll be coming out of the closet soon enough eh babe. she says 'yar' and something about my blog cause it's locked. oh wells.

and hannah won't follow me to macs. rawr. cause she's fasting and hungry. rawr. see and don't touch lurhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

yay, we're going for dinner! =) dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner. hannah had Spastamania yesterday. Spastamania.

ahhh, mr low hasn't come for like 3 days already, which means like 4 free periods haha.

okay i'm bored.

2009-06-13T22:52:00.002+08:00

Council Farewell is the most fun that I've had in quite a bit of time in Singapore.

Not so much because of the insane fun and laughter and music that went on, but because I got to spend nearly 24 hours with a freakishly awesome group of guys at Ian's place.

The last-minute decision to sleep over at Ian's place on Friday was a very very good and rewarding decision as the previous paragraph might have hinted. Ian, Jarvis, Wei Ren and ZhenQiang are the wackiest and most dynamic bunch of guys that I've ever had a sleepover with and there was much laughter, insanity and yes yes, gaying going around. It's inevitable. Boys just wanna have fun too.

Just like girls. and raving rabbids.

Watched Iron Man which was actually fairly decent from about 11.30 (when I reached) to like 1? Then Wei Ren and I 'conked out' although i spent most of the time from 2 to 3 waking up to Ian/Jarvis/ZhenQiang's frustrated exclamations regarding the council proposal(s). Poor guys. When Ian finally collapsed into the bed at 3, I mysteriously decided to surrender the bed and went to crash on the sleeping bags on the floor, letting Jarvis, Ian and ZhenQiang use the bed.

Only problem was: ZhenQiang didn't have space and had to sleep on the floor. And since I was kinda on his sleeping bag ( and mine as well ) he had to sleep on the floor. Whoops. Sorry ZhenQiang!

Morning was spent playing a few rounds of DotA before the rest of the guys woke up. Did a bit of the Council Song on Ian's piano which just reinforced the idea that I really really suck as a pianist. Then bummed around watching ZhenQiang's videos, watching MTV (and letting Ian sleep on me) before Wei Ren had to leave. Then it was... oh yeah, KungFu Panda in Ian's room haha. Jesslyn came and just watched as Ian casually floppped atop Jarvis, ZhenQiang and myself. It was a very disturbing sight and very disturbing feeling. Not to mention crushingly heavy.

After fetching Hadi, Kenneth and SofiHAHA and going for lunch, we kinda split up to go do different stuff. Some went to settle BBQ stuff, some went... i dunno. WeiRen, Hadi, Ken and I headed down to the Cold Storage to buy extra stuff for the BBQ ( sucking $15 from me, dammit ) before heading back. Did the Council Song with Hadi, Sofihaha and ZhenQiang and decided that a guitar would suffice. Plus I sounded horrible on the piano anyways.

The rest came over soon after, both 6s and 7s and we had like an amazing time. I won't go into details because I've gotta wake up at 7.45 tomorrow and we all know that i'm probably not going to update the blog just to detail what we did during the actual thing. Let it just be said that it was tons of fun ( then again my life is always tons of fun ) and I would love to do something like it again.

Only better the next time. Always better =)

2009-06-04T21:50:00.002+08:00

Rawr. 1minute update!

It's a thursday in perth and I'm sick.

Cycling around in freaking 14-degrees celsius is NOT fun. My ears almost dropped off. Like wow, seriously, ouch. They hurt for like half an hour later.

Mum bought two 'ski hats' for me that look more like beanies. And they barely look like beanies. They look like decapitated smurfs instead. Like wow. I'm refusing to wear them.

Food costs a BOMB here in Perth. Every meal we've eaten out has cost us about $100 plus AT LEAST, and most of the time it's about $240 plus plus. Like hell, we're going so damn broken. Wowzers.

Off to watch Pink Panther with Cassie now. Wanted to go VideoEZY to rent movies ( Including HOUSE BUNNY ) but apparently you need to sign up for that, and we don't have a stupid driver's license so we can't rent. Like oh hot damn.

Watch this, it's UBER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xeje_pp_NyA&feature=channel_page

2009-05-28T11:18:00.002+08:00

Okay I'm back to blog, whee =)

Sorry for like the one month long hiatus but it was a break from www.fierydragoon.blogspot.com that I sorely sorely needed. Somehow, blogging just wasn't as fun anymore, somehow somehow somehow. Is it because it has outlived its purpose of just being a general dumping ground for my endless stream of thoughts, most of which are bitchy and need to be vented? Nah, I don't think so, I'll always use this to express those delightfully wonderful thoughts. Ahh, bitchiness.

I guess it's because I never really blogged for anyone but myself. It started out as a place for just me, myself and I to write ( okay type ) down my thoughts and just read through them at some later point in Life to see how much I've grown. Along the way, with the attention my blog was receiving courtesy of particularly vicious posts, I made it private. Which is something I should have done from the very beginning.

Oh well, whatever it is, I'm back to blog, at least for today so there shall be rejoicing and dancing in the streets I hope ^^

The past one month in MJC has been, well, crazy crazy crazy. If it weren't for the Councillors and Thomas, I'd have gone stark raving mad by now. Although come to think of it, if it weren't for Council in the first place, a huge portion of that stressload probably wouldn't have surfaced anyway. Not that I regret joining Council; I know these wonderful stressful memories will be all the more sweeter once I leave Council and MJC, yeah, I'm going to look back and be like "Wow, those were some damn hard times. But I wouldn't trade it for the world."

On another note, certain Choir people have been getting on my nerves lately. Well, getting on my nerves. I mean, it's one thing to laugh at me behind my back, it's another thing to keeping banging into me. And yes, I do know who was the one who tried to push me down the stairs, which all the more disgusts me. Thankfully, I'm still able to keep my perception of choir people as nice and sweet, and isolate my disgust and pity at these barbaric ones. I've a feeling that come OGL selections, if any of them are interviewed, I'm going to torture them and not let them enter. While this is mostly personal, I don't see how, on a professional level, they can/should become OGLs anyway with their behaviour. And it doesn't help that the ringleader is viciously ugly, seriously. Like ughly, with extra ugh.

I'm happy to say that my walk with God Daddy up above has been improving. Slowly, definitely slowly, but also very definitely improving. Yet again, it's been one of those points in my life where I woke up and realized that I was ( and still am? ) being retarded and immature and dammit-I-SO-need-to-change. I guess I'm thankful that Mum talked to me about my studies and all, I really learnt a lot about that and became so much more aware of what my life currently is and what's it probably going to be like in the future.

Now my heart is filled with a kind of dread for the future ahead, knowing that I have this huge responsibility to support my brother. No, I shouldn't say "huge", that's somewhat negative in tone I suppose. It's just a responsibility, my responsibility as a brother. Yet I cannot avoid wondering what life would be like if my brother wasn't the way he is now. Would I be a better person, or a worse person? Or would I even exist? Hmmm, questions to forever consider and answers to forever seek.

Ah, so many mysteries of life. And now to play Pokemon Platinum/Revise for Chem =)

2009-04-12T20:16:00.002+08:00

Tag Replies:

[Edwin] Lol, don't be so bad lah! The 'cake' tasted nice, I had it for breakfast on Sat and Sun and I'm perfectly A-Okay! And yeah thanks for coming over dude!
[Alvin] Yeah yeah your 'maiden' brownie was super special awesome, except for the eggshell. And the nuts!
[Kenneth] Don't worry dude I have sooo camwhorish/unglam photos that one more isn't going to do any harm. So your blackmail is ineffective!

Well, results of Council are going to be out tomorrow at 5.45. Venue to be confirmed, but it's not like that really matters. Which makes me wonder why I even mentioned it in the first place.

I guess this entire council-nominee journey has been a real meaningful experience. I saw how completely ineffective I can be at managing my time sometimes when it comes to juggling homework, recreation and church. I guess I've been using church as an excuse or crutch far more than I should have, which is so definitely not correct. Clearly, this shall have to stop.

The entire council nomination process has also shown me the kinds of people that I am not equipped in the least to deal with. Now, Singapore is vastly different from my own ideal world, a fact which I have had, and will continue to have beaten into my head throughout the journey of my life. The most important thing to note is that I have a generally low-tolerance for irritating accents and show-offs, a characteristic unfortunately shared by certain members of the Council Nominees. One pretends to know intrinsic details of events he never attended, one sprayed cologne/B.Odourent on himself before he went on stage ( a monumentally surreal experience ) while yet another insisted that the terrifyingly-warped rules of grammar he possessed were correct and I was wrong. What all these nominees had in common was that every single one of them was out to induce a heart attack in me.

=TOPIC CHANGE=

Saturday aka yesterday saw the 2009 KKMC-VSBB-RIBB-GB Combined Games Day. As usual, the GB didn't turn up so it was reduced to a mostly-guys event, seeing as that the only girls there were Faith and Megan. Now while most would think that being surrounded by guys would be a truly exciting and wonderful time for me, it's firstly untrue, and secondly it'd have been more fun to have more girls around.

Worship was okay. Played really crappily though on the day itself which was a bummer.

Lunched with Timo, Saba, Bok and Alwin at the Kopitiam near church. Although I didn't actually eat lunch, it was a nice time of fellowship anyway. Saba and Timo crashed my place after that to bathe, play the piano and slack while waiting for the rain to stop so that we could go ECP to cycle with the churchies. Come 5.30, it was still raining incredibly heavy. Saba boasted of 'tanking the rain' only to eat his words as we trudged through puddles, cats and dogs to reach the bus stop. Thankfully we had umbrellas because we got drenched anyway. So much for tanking the rain huh.

Oh, and we sang the entire walk from the St Patrick's bus stop through the park connector to the Burger King at ECP. Was really great to just blast out notes and hear it just ring in the air for a second before dissipating almost magically. Thanks Saba and Timo for the nice companionship/fellowship!

In the end, the guys (myself, timo, saba, ocean, alwin, gerald, luke ) cycled while the girls ( Kaye, faith and Megan ) and Shawn decided to roller blade. As usual, Sarah went hyper and got the rest of her friends ( Marissa, Michelle and Othilia ) to run with them.

Barely had 5 minutes passed since we started did Ivan crash into a small boy. As fate would have it, Ivan's faulty bike continued to provide an exciting source of danger, a pleasant distraction from the growling rumbles of my food-deprived stomach. In the end, Ivan's bike chain came out and repair attempts were but futile.

Finished cycling at around 9 and dinner'd at Burger King. Had another wave of nausea which disappeared the second the beautiful Tendergrill touched my tongue. Ravaged the burger ( which wasn't corn-dusted RAWRGH! ) and laughed when Megan's patty dropped on the floor. I mean, such a pity. Damn.

Saba and Alwin left first, leaving Ivan, Timo and myself to linger around for about 20 minutes before we decided to leave. However, since I was leaving, everyone else clearly had no more reason to stick around without a shining beacon of light and hope there ( ^^ ) and thus decided to leave. It was as such that the entire group of us strolled out of McDonalds, Shawn and Kaye also abandoning their wonderous passion for skating to return home with us.

Talked with Ivan and Timo about some stuff on the way home. Really grateful to God for putting such juniors in my life that don't even seem like juniors anymore ( partially because they all tower abover me with the exception of XianXian ) but instead, they're really close people whom I can confide in and feel VERY comfortable around. It's people like these guys that keep me going when I'm down =)

And thus concludes this post, a post which has been much longer than quite a number of recent entries but is still woefully shorter than the posts of past. Ahh...

2009-04-10T22:21:00.002+08:00

Today. Was. Damn. Bloody. Awesome.

Why?
Because I celebrated my 17th birthday?
Not quite.

Because of all the wonderful amazing people who came.

Brief post because it's already 10.30 and there's combined games day at VS tomorrow so I've gotta rise early!

The Disturbians all came for mahjonging fun in the afternoon. They got to see Jo-Ann as well haha, so yeah, brief introductions and hopefully they'll see each other in school =) Went out to buy bubble tea, came back and played DotA with Jo-Ann while Edwin watched on in AMAZEMENT at my uber 1337 pro-hawtsauce aw3som3n3ss.

Had a wonderful sumptuous dinner courtesy of Thaipan and homemade sushi + salad. Halfway through, Randall came and asked me to go out to get a present. I was like "okay?" and followed him.

I was halfway across the living room when it registered that my church friends were there. My reaction was apparently damn funny because they all wanted me to re-do it for a video. Which is like impossible because these kinds of reactions only happen once. But it was super damn surprising and super damn damn awesome because they gave me a super nice placard and picture haha.

Ahhhh, I'm so tired. Maybe I'll update tomorrow?

2009-04-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

Well it's tomorrow. And I hope it goes well, all my efforts thus far have been for this.

So tired and so not in the mood for uber long blog posts. Sorry people.

2009-03-31T21:12:00.002+08:00

Well.

I'm out of Choir Syf. Semi-voluntarily. I guess I just realized that Student Council meant a lot more to me than Choir, which wasn't very much what I wanted anyways. I guess lots of people ( or maybe just me ) are deceived by Choir, thinking it's a very simple easy CCA. That is until you get in and realize all the various practices that make you want to cry or just throw people off the building.

Oh wells, at least there are things to be thankful for. Sunday saw me playing for church youth worship which went pretty well I'd say, despite several musical slip-ups. Was kinda disappointed because i kept playing wrong notes, misjudging the sound. Ah wells, hope people think it's about dissonance.

Then again, Ivan and Darius said that I can't really be heard anyways. Oh wells.

Had a really long session of thinking about the people around me that I care about. (In no order) My churchies and Disturbian friends are just so bloody awesome that I can't even begin to describe them (or I'm just lazy?) and how damn awesome they are.

And it's time to write my council speech

Sigh.

Sorry peeps for the crappy updates, major creativity lack. And just pure laziness stemming from exhaustion

2009-03-24T18:07:00.003+08:00

WELLLLLL

After like 24 smashing days of not updating www.fierydragoon.blogspot.com I am back here to update! *Cue Armageddon music*

Righties.

So, as if subconsciously triggered by the magical flames of my previous post, the girls in my class have become somewhat more tolerable, which means that I no longer feel like setting them on fire on sight. It's also a good thing that I now can actually talk to them about stuff that doesn't involve hot guys or pink or hot guys in pink. Also, the K key on my Keyboard seems to be dying. Performing CPR on it seems to yield mostly-negative results so I'm just going to avoid using the damn key itself.

Choir has been dominating my life lately, what with workshops and rehearsals and practices and rehearsals and all-around practicing rehearsing for workshops. What this has resulted in is the strange urge to throw up half the time, which of course I have restrained because it's not good manners to regurgitate my meals up on the nearest unfortunate tenor/bass. Very bad manners. For some reason.

Holidays weren't holidays, more like extended self-study periods of homeworking, travelling and gratitutious amounts of camwhoring ( of which some can be found on Facebook ).

Damn this is suchhhh a boring entry.

PSC was great, not the convention itself, but the meeting up with the fabulous people of the 07 RGSVSPSC. Hurrah to us and our awesome theme song and impromptu craziness. Ice-Cream is the fab and calorific meals are the new black.

And I'm being screamed at to go eat dinner so I bid you all adieu. This blog entry sucks I know but I blame the damn K key.

2009-03-08T22:21:00.002+08:00

Long. Overdue. Update.

And short one too!

Firstly, if you guys have been wondering why there has been no real update for almost a month, it's (partially) because I've been absolutely swamped with stuff, and partially because I've been lazy to update this blog. Yeah, it's my blog and i damn well update it when I want to. So I'm feeling a bit guilty about not updating, finally, and because I should be ~~doing~~ chionging Chemistry and Chinese, I have decided to blog. Don't judge me, I'm absolutely stacked on Tiramisu and Black Pepper Steak and the knowledge that half my bloody allowance is gone and as such am pretty much going to vomit out whatever I feel.

Merdian JC life is definitely a super duper Space-Mountain Roller Coaster. You have your high high highs and your low low lows. And boy when I hit those lows, I really feel like banging someone's head against the wall. Someone else's, not mine, because my head is just too precious to me to waste. But MJC life seems to be stuffed to the very brim with politics and whatnot and it just annoys me to the max that I'm judged to be the same as the people I hang out with. And most of the time, it's not even "hang out", it's more like 'talk to". It's such a stupid level of reasoning that again I feel like slamming their heads against the wall to bash in the idea that just because I talk to someone, it doesn't mean I'm like that person. Hell, it doesn't even mean that I like that person at all but for the sake of completing a task, I just have to do it. If the people would stop jumping to conclusions so rapidly before just thinking about it, this world would be a much better place.

And can I just say how annoying the people in my class can be? Like seriously, so bloody annoying. I mean, I can talk to the KKMC girls and the RGS girls as myself and they won't give me hell and crap and bitch endlessly about it. But apparently some of these MJC girls in the class are nutjobs who stereotype like the retards some of them are and that guys must act a certain way or else they're not guys. So basically, if you're macho and an asshole, then you are a guy, otherwise you're just gay. Because now, your sexuality depends on whether you can finish your entire plate of food, or so the airheads of MJC have pseudo-declared. And of course they would have to be hyper-sensitive to every single damn thing you say. And because it's one entire group of ditzy dumboes, one of them is sure to take offense at anything I say, whether it's said with the most well-meaning intentions or with as much neutrality as possible.

Plus, if I don't hang out, I'm labelled as anti-social. But if I do hang out, I"m excluded because it's "girl talk" and I'm a "guy", which completely contradicts the 5 hours of effort they spend daily to convince and reassure me that I'm not a guy in their eyes, and thus I'm not privy to their shallow talk. What this basically leaves me is stuck between choosing between my sanity and my dignity, since hanging out with them is basically asking to have my dignity ripped to shreds by those Harpies and then flushed down the toilet.

In other words, I effing HATE my class and seriously wish I'm in another class. One not dominated by hyper-sensitive morons who take every single action as a chance to declare a crusade against me. Screw them and their hypocrisy. Screw them and their 'feminism". Screw them and their outdated idealogies of 'chivalry'. Screw them and their proclamations of 'feminism' and 'chivalry". In fact, just screw them and what they think. As far as I'm concerned, they can take their ideas of how I SHOULD be and shove it so far up their ass that it comes out their nose.

Church is wonderful.
Disturbians are wonderful
Meridian Life is not so wonderful

2009-02-22T00:32:00.001+08:00

It's at times like these that I see how far I've fallen away from God and how much more I need to trust Him and love Him.

2009-02-15T21:27:00.000+08:00

1st week of schooling in Meridian was great.

Here's your smelly update.

2009-02-09T21:02:00.002+08:00

=Quick Update=

Meridian orientation roxxor Lino's soxxor five ways to Sunday and he's sure that means something. Suntan and allergic reactions for the win. Wiping his legs with the towel after bathing today yielded numerous small blood droplets on the towel. Saucy.

First day of school is exhaustive. Five lectures and Lino is ready to pass out, and practically did during Chem at 3.25. Lino also has Maths at 3.25 tomorrow and is feeling so bugged about it.

Lino also has Bowling tryouts tomorrow at 5. It'll cost him $5 and if he somehow makes it into the club, each training's going to be a hefty $10. While that's not bad considering the cost of the games, rental and coaching, it's still quite a shocker to him. $20 a week and $80 a month is not a small amount. Lino is rather ironically, amused.

Lino also finds the 'introductory' lectures rather boring and redundant and wishes that we could skip straight into the meat of things. He found the faux-erudite discussion of KI's stand as a science or humanities or ( shockingly! ) both rather pointless. He cannot even begin to fathom why it matters which school KI belongs in, considering KI's claim to fame is the dissection of "Knowledge" and its boundaries.

He is also not amused by the "28" questions for Chem Tutorial 1 that the majority of the batch has received. Not only is each question tedious to write, it's also mind-numbingly easy and thus incredibly boring to do. To prove this poit, Lino planted his face in his foolscap just now and slept for about 15 minutes without consciously realizing it. As a matter of fact, he wasn't even conscious, just asleep. Spiffy.